Something's....off about me.

I'm not exactly sure what it is though... Here's a list of the things I've noticed.

1. I feel like I don't make sense half the time, kinda like I over analyze things until my result is... just plain silly!
2. I use words in the wrong context sometimes, and sometimes I feel as if the word I used wasn't in the right context when it actually was.
3. I'm a dick when I don't realize I'm being one, especially when I'm being selfish. Usually people describe me as being really nice though.
4. Very low self esteem...
5. I have periods of depression that last months sometimes.
6. It's hard to hold a job for very long, especially if I hate it.
7. I avoid people alot.
8. I get angry for no reason, and then I feel stupid and depressed for being so.

Whatever my supposed "problem" is I usually can meditate and snap out of it, or work out a lot and decrease the symptoms a bit. Reading helps alot. Talking usually gets me through it pretty well, and then sometimes nothing helps.

It comes in spells where I just feel like a worthless loser, or a total asshole, or a selfish prick, or I overreact. It's intensified by marijuana (but I've been sober for more than a year now).

Sometimes I can clean my room, get a million things done and still be perfectly fine, other times I just... sit here... on my computer.. on an online forum... or a live chat, or a social networking site.

Whatever the case is, I know what I need to do in order to be happy.. but I just can't bring myself to do it...

I also feel that If I wasn't so addicted to the internet I could be doing amazing things right now.

any suggestions?

 

one of the better ways to be crazy is to be blissfully aware of it.

 

Keep up the meditation

 

Yeah, I still wish I weren't though.

I just hope I haven't offended anyone on this website too much.

I guess I should really just shut my mouth and listen instead of blabber on about nothing.
Good idea?

 

no way...blabber on like the rest of us :2thumbsup:

 

Alright thanks! I love blabbering!

 

This place is bad for me too. I'm supposed to be studying.

My best advice would be to do things, lots've things, and find as many things you can do that you love, and do them. If you make yourself proud of your life (or even, something in life), then the happiness can come from within.

I also wonder if maybe you could be suffering from intelligence =P

 

I've heard it's a terrible affliction.

 

Wow......reading your list was a bit of a flashback for me. A year ago or so, I could have written that same list myself. Being self aware of when you are getting in a "shitty mood" and being able to distract yourself some way is a good tool to use, but like you said, sometimes nothing works. It is unfortunate, but our own minds can be our worst enemies sometimes. For me, being creative in some aspect usually gets the job done for me.......be it music, writing, drawing, making t-shirts.......whatever. You can kill two birds with one stone that way. You can get yourself out of a funk, and at the same time have something that you created from nothing to show for it. I suck at drawing, and I've never even read any of the stuff I've written, let alone let anyone else read it, but I still do it and I do enjoy it. It is worth a shot.

 

online schooling..

 

You sound like a cross between me and my ex-husband. He has severe ADHD and dyslexia and I have ADD. For me, just knowing what was "off" was the bigger part of being able to deal with it and feel/do better. I know a lot of people think ADD not a real condition or whatever, but do some reading on it. Maybe things can change for you. Best wishes.

 

Live deliberately.

You know what it takes to make you happy. Do it. Even if you don't feel like doing it.

By living deliberately, I mean doing only things that feed the soul in a good way. Avoid things that make you feel bad. Its that simple. Its just a matter of making yourself do it.

I've often said the difference between the sane and the mentally ill is a matter of perspective and focus. Change your perspective, find something positive to focus on. Avoid the negative.

You'll be alright.

 

I can relate to that whole list. I've been diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety, and ocd. It sounds like you may be the same. I was put on anti-depressants, but I don't recommend it cuz now I'm trying to get off them and it's been tough. So stick with the meditation. I'm also addicted to the net (this ties in with obsessive compulsive disorder). I have trouble talking in person with anyone because of anxiety and I even have trouble talking on the phone, maybe that's why I like the internet so much.