blank could only describe how i feel now. it's just a passing phase into something worse, somewhere i barely escaped from. because when you feel dead inside, you feel you might as well be dead. but i don't want to die, but that doesnt mean i want to live either. i've had it with this illness, i don't even want to ask for help. i'm so sick of this, and so is everyone else who i bother with it. i'll keep on keeping on, pulling myself out of the deep lows and watch as i fall back in over time. failing at happiness. and failing at a chance life, the one shot i got. i'm ruining it and i could care less. i used to write quite a bit, now i cant get a sentence down before i scrap the idea. nothing is coming to mind, i have no energy, i have no will to get out of bed. i have no emotion.. i have been given so much opportunity, and i took it all for granted, even still. it doesnt matter that i know it, i don't care, and that's my problem. 20 years and a lot more to go, with not much to show. even if i overcome the extreme lack of motivation and energy, and actually accomplish what i am completely capable of, it will not make me happy. the only thing that will give me any sort of happiness will come from love, and i dont have the confidence to talk to women. i lost the one person i ever loved, and even though that was some time ago, i have never forgiven myself for what happened, even though i know it was meant to be. i know deep down in my heart that for some reason i was meant to be alone, it doesnt make any sense and i can change it, but it doesnt feel right too. it's just a feeling, but i've felt that way for all my life. i'm scared, i'm terrified of what is to come of me. i'm confused, and pissed. just ranting, i cant keep all these feelings inside so thanks HF, for giving me an outlet. i don't have the strength to pull myself out of this low point, and i don't know how to handle myself anymore.
Hello CFoust91, I`ve read your topic and from what i`ve gathered u have some kind of sickness which has been with u for most of your life this might be a bit too personal question but care to share what is that sickness? Leaving that aside i can see myself described with most of your words a few years back when i was on the bottom of an endless black hole which kept pulling me deeper and deeper down. I am pritty sure that things look grim to you at the moment but at the end we should try and keep our heads high and try to look forward. I dont think that your family/friends are helping u out and taking care of you just so u can give up and say `I have enough`. Keep in mind that in our days ppl get in situations like yours on daily basses and by people i mean man and WOMAN. Life is hard especially now with all the world disaster/terrorist/iconomical crissis. The impact is felt especially hard by the common folk and even hard with those people who have difficulties. As for the neven ending search for `true love` well the trueth is that very very very few of us will ever find true love most of the people around me for example get into relationships or merrage just because they dont want to be alone the fear of that seems to push them over to the wrong direction (me personal opinion) it will probably be a good idea if u had someone with u right now who can give u hand and keep u company i wont argue with that but at the end of the day it might be for a good reason that u are alone. And no i dont believe that there is such thing like `people who are cursed (insurt any other word u want here) to be alone through their whole life` the human psychology/nature is not made for lonliness. As for your past love well we all have to have a few lost loves in our list in order to truly find what we want in life i personaly dont know a single person who find his true love on the age of 20 or so. Try and keep your head up some days will be harder then other but that is just how life is in general :\
Hey CFoust91, Not easy feeling like that nor is it easy losing someone you love, speaking from first hand experience. I have lost quite a few family/friends/loved ones in my life, I felt very much the same as you do right now. I didn't have the energy or see any real reason to get up in the morning, in some ways I felt "Dead Inside" putting on a front so no one would see what I was going through, sometimes even now I still feel like that on the odd occassion. Hardest thing in life is living it, everyone on a daily bases goes through hardships whether it be loss of a child/partner/accident/disaster or as Exoras had said terrorist or economical crissis. It does get easier in time as already said, surround yourself with family and friends even to just give you some company. No one can really tell you the best course of acton as we all deal with things in our own way, just give yourself some time. Get yourself better first by anyway that helps you be it talking with someone or even a close family member or friend. As for women we aren't as scary to talk to as we may seem sometimes, you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. But let that be the last thing you focus on put yourself first and get well.
hey there you may want to visit www.suicideforum.com to talk about what is going on if you ever feel like you are on the verge of an attempt, you may want to visit www.befrienders.org for a list of suicide hotlines you're still young yet, and I think there is a good chance that you can turn things around you may want to look at the this book "Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine" http://www.bluepoppy.com/cfwebstore/...1&ParentCat=33 (under books link) much of this book is on-line http://books.google.com/books?id=yB... chinese medicine&pg=PA65#v=onepage&q&f=false if you check this out, you might want to skip the theoretical elements, which probably won't make much sense to you a 1/2 hour per day of gentle, low-impact aerobic exercise can help. just enough to barely break a sweat. meditation can help. dietary changes can help. I recommend eating primarily fresh, cooked, whole foods served warm. avoiding processed foods and anything cold acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine can help but can also be expensive therapy and medications are the conventional route. you might want to check these out there could also be medical issues that you have that have gone undiagnosed. you may want to have you b12 and d3 levels checked. do you want to talk about who you lost?
