My bestfriend now knows im in love with her. Shes very hard to talk about it to. Sh said "shes neve really given it a thought" and "i never really liked you liked you,only as a bff". I think deep down inside her she does has feelings for me but is way too scared. Weve been fighting lately and her mom used to love me and wanted me to date her. But recently she kicked me to the curb and replaced me with someone who makes more money. The next time i talk to my bestfriend that i love i think i will tell her its about time we go our seperte ways. Will doing this make her miss me? And maybe start to have feelings back?
My thoughts are as follows, they sound contradictory but they are not...There is something to be said for game playing. Its an over function under function thing. you show more interest, she feels secure enough to show less etc. another example is if you live with someone who always washes up you will automatically start to sit back and expect it. If they stopped, you would start...this happens however it's very shallow and not enduring. What is enduring is handing it over to the powers that be...fate...God...your journey...how ever you would like to assimilate it. This translates into something that is easier to understand. It's the old if you love something let it go. If it comes back it is yours (or meant to be etc) if it doesn't..it never was. I personally do that. Hand it over, dn't try to conive and orchestrate stuff based on fear. In regards to leaving you for someone with money. Tell her if you marry someone for their money, you never stop paying for it. Very empty. Very fear based...much love to you. Hope this helps. In short, be honest to her and yourself.
Thankyou. That was exactly the kind of answer i needed. An explanation. Do you suggest i litterally say something in regards to going seperate ways, or just stop talking for a while. Currently the last thing i basically said to her was me spilling my guts. But as you said, now shell feel more secure to show less interest. What do you suggest on how i handle things from here.
Hi, it seems your friend was banned, I have experience with these things as I am 43. I think stop communicating. It's easier for you too. Takes the anxiety out of what to say, reacting rather than thinking then acting. Go quiet, you have said your peace. stand by your self esteem too, hand it over as the lady said. I know its gut wrenching. Horrible in fact where you are at right now. Good luck my friend. love to you
Let her know that she has hurt you and has to let you know that she has to treat you like a best friend or something. Then go experience a shitload of other women and you'll see things more clearly. Maybe she's not all that great after all.
Hey everybody thanks for all the good responses. they really do help! but just a little update on the situation. I had a talk in person with her and her mom yesterday and I dont think her mom kicked me to the curb, but talking to my bestfriend made it sound like she did. she would say stuff like "dont text my mom please" and i would ask what i did and she would say "idk shes mad at me". that doesnt make any sense? (bare with me people, all this is hard to explain) Her mom was actually a little mad at her, because shes the type of girl that has ALL guy friends and her mom thinks she treats them like shit. Everybody likes this girl. But she seems to lead everyone on. But what realllllly pisses me off is that recently there has been another guy going over everyyyyydayyy who is supposably just a friend. Before i talked to them in person yesterday, i would ask if this other guy friend was over, and my bestfriend would say no. Her and her family also went to a truck show, i asked who went and she said just her family. but talking to her mom yesterday, i find out that this new guy friend was over everyday and he was also at the truck show with them. I ask her to hangout alot, but she always cant. WONDER WHY NOW?! but i sware, thinking about it. this girl is one big lie. friendship a lie, and i am letting go. itll only be a matter of time that she will have feelings for this new guy for how often he is over. fuck this. i am better than all the horseshit. what does everyone think about all this bs?! and any advice on how to get over all this would help too...
yep. find (male) friends who are actually friends, rather than cunty users. or, just be by yourself if that's what you like. either way, don't talk to this girl for at least 2 months, that's how you get over someone.
Hey man, I hope this will be of some help to you! You say you're going to let go, but the question is, are you really going to? It's going to be really hard at first if you really care for her the way you say you do, just being honest. But the only possible way to get over her faster is to get into your hobbies. Do what you love to do to keep your mind off of her. Go out, meet new people, and get more female friends if you can. Just basically give her space and do it quietly! Don't inform her that you are going to leave her be. Just stop answering her calls so much, don't ever ever text her and don't visit at all. The more you do any of that which I just mentioned, is the more you'll push her away if there was ever a chance to even hook up with her. Believe me, I've seen too many of my guy friends go through this same exact thing and fall victim to women's games! And so have I... She obviously is a little devious because she lied to you about her mom and also about the other guy. From the way you explained it, this guy may be more than just her friend, just saying... If he was only just a friend she wouldn't have kept it so much of a secret. But I'm thinking because of you guys friendship she doesn't want to hurt your feelings either. So with that said, all you can do is completely let go and do you, just as she is doing her. If she really does have feelings deep down inside she will come running back to you, that's a promise my friend.
thankyou guys for taking the time and trying to understand. Your advice really truly honestly helps. Especially knowing that hard times like these also happened to you guys. You have experiece with this situation. I just hope things in general just get easier and better soon. You made a good point jermaineparis. I want to let go but will i really? I do. But it hurts just knowing how close we were to the situation we are at now. And soo many things she leaves unsaid, because she is impossible to talj to now. But i blocked her on facebook but then umblocked her so as of now were just not friends on facebook. This wont be the first time we didnt talk to eachother for a while but i have a feeling this will be the longest yet. A part of me thinks she never will ever try and com back because she has this new guy now. But hopefully i dont even want her to come back soon. Mindset and distractions. I guess its just human nature to not care about something eventuallyy if you distract yourself from it long enough right?
Hey is anyone out there? I have a question. How do you deal with people that its never their fault and always yours? Here is why i am not talking to this girl ("bestfriend") anymore. She lied to me about this guy who is supposably just a friend. I think its only gonna be a matter of time before they start dating for how often he is over. She always has somethign better to do when i ask to hangout, but this kid is over every fucking day. She used her mom being mad as an excuse to stop talking to her mom. And she is just impossible to talk to. BUTTTT!!! "she did nothing!!" and her mom says "she did nothing"! yup, so i guess its all my fault???! i cant be mad?!
don't. unless it's your boss. then you find proof that it's his fault, or at least that you had nothing to do with it.
This is exactly what I'm talkng about. The only real way to forget someone is to STOP seeing her, just STOP. If you really love her it will be hell the first week and it'll slowly get better, and after a coupple of months, maybe more depending on your personality you're gonna feel much better. It has happened to me like twice now, to fall extremely HARD for some lady friend, and it sucks, because they're either not available or just not that into you. I remember thinking that I would have given an arm and a leg to be with them... Last tip, you'll always like them a bit, shit like that doesn't go away unfortunately, the only real cure is falling for someone else and to be corresponded. Good luck.
Hello everyone that was apart of this thread..wow its been a while since i was on this forum and holy crap, last post was in 2011 on this thread! What a treat it was to come across this thread i started, about that stupid girl. I dont know if the people who were active in this thread will see this post, but Id like to do a follow up because im just in that kind of mood, i guess. Anyways... To all the people who were apart of this thread, and to the new people who are reading this and are thinking, " whatttt the ff"??? So two years ago i was having these problems with this girl, who i "loved" (lol) and was my bestfriend at the same time. All the details are in the previous posts. I actually had a few different threads about this girl, but this thread in particular i had in my mind that it was time to let this girl go and force myself to make some changes. So...That is exactly what i did. One morning i woke up and said to myself, "its time". I blocked her on facebook, i deleted her number, i did everything i possibly could to block communications. And by doing so, made it easy, or easier i should say. Its like taking off a bandaid. If you do it real slow its a lengthy painful thing. If you do it real fast, suddenly, and no holding back, it sucks at first, but gets better quite quickly. For the first week or two i have to admit i was a little miserable. I wasnt eating too much, and very quiet. After the "change" shock, I found myself getting a little used to the fact that she just was not there anymore, however, still very sore on the subject. Im not sure what it was, but naturally, i started having an interest in things i did not have before. For example, i stopped listening to country music, and always found myself putting on the rock stations on the radio. I even got into listening to the Yankees baseball station on the radio at nights when the radio station wasnt playing music. For some reason, just listening to the ball game soothed me. I was a welding student at the time, and my progress in those classes was improving tremendously. For the longest time, i wanted to play guitar. Well i got myself a learner guitar, and well now, i can play almost every song i hear on the radio (extremely proud of myself for that). I became a better fisherman and cherished all my hobbies a little more. As more time went by, i met new people, got rid of the fake people, and actually ended up finding a girl who treated me like a god, for the simple reason of she just really liking me for who i was, who i am actually still dating...So all in all, thank you to whoever made it this far reading this 2 year later follow up post. I have to say, still to this day, that girl who was my "bestfriend" and that i fell head over heals for has still been the biggest lesson/change/negative outcome with a human being/ that i have ever had in my life. But for all who has read this thread, maybe you have been in a situation like mine, maybe your in one now, or maybe you might be in one in the near future. Whatever one it might be, I am here to tell you my experience with coping and that with a little soul searching and time, it will heal it all and make you stronger in the end. Distractions, Hobbies, True friends, and a little time to make it all work has proved to me that its a perfect recipe for the healing process in a situation like this. If i helped out just one person out there by making this follow up post, i will be glad. Thankyou all for reading. Dont be afraid to respond
Well glad our community could help out, and hope you'll stick around to pass on good advice to others that pass through these forums. We certainly a fair share of people who deal with the original scenario of your problem with that "former bestfriend, out of the friendzone type" thing.
