Best weekend ever..but i still feel bad...

I spent the weekend with my ex while her lover was out of town...best weekend ever!!! Finally...i got my wish to be with her again and now i am sad because i don't know when i will talk to her or see her again. I am used to this at this point...because our whole relationship has been this way..as she has been with her lover for 15 years. We have had a relationship off/on for 2 years now. She is a former alcoholic...6 years sober. About a year ago...she wanted me to take her to a bar...eventhough i didn't feel it was right...i honored her request..needless to say..she got drunk..and we spent the night together. I felt guilty for a long time over this..and still do but i can't say no to her. Now...it seems everytime we get together..she wants to drink. I went and picked her up Friday...took her to get a gallon of Vodka...which she drank over the duration of our weekend...and i don't like when she drinks....and she takes strong medicines on top of that. I expressed my concern Saturday because she was acting very emotional over everything...and i was worried. But she was upset by my concern so i didn't say anything more. Now...i feel like the worst person in the world. I love her more than anything and wished i had stood my ground because i never wanted her to drink and i do not care much for alcohol...i only drink with her because she wants me to. I would do anything in the world for this woman but i feel i have hurt her by helping her habit. Eventhough she made her own decision i can't help but feel responsible. I am her only way to get alcohol..as she doesn't drive and no one else..family/friends would ever get it for her..nor would she ever ask them. Am i a bad person for this? Curious how others would have handled this. I just can't say no to her...and i don't ever want to risk losing her from my life. Any thoughts appreciated.

 

Enablers are just as bad as the drugs themselves. That seems a bit harsh, but if you are willing to let someone fuck up that is one thing if you help them fuck up that is a whole other level of bad parenting/friendship/relationship.
If you can't say no to her when you are there, then say no to even showing up.
I'd rather know I can't be a friend then can be an enabler.

 

Well..my instinct was to say no and stand my ground...but she is used to being with someone who is constantly controlling and part of why she liked me in the beginning is because she could be herself around me and i wasn't controlling. I tried to express to her that it was against my better judgement and she got upset...so i gave in. I know it was wrong...but in the end...i felt it was her choice...i did not influence her..as i am not really a drinker. Guess i am just really scared of saying no to her. She has a hold on me...clearly it is not a healthy one. Am i really to blame?

 

I think the better question you should be asking yourself is what kind of payoff are you getting from this situation. How would you feel if the situation was reversed ? Do you really want to be responsible for causing her to fall off the wagon ? The first thing you could have suggested was that she call her sponsor and get herself to a meeting. That's just my two cents ... I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself or how you could have handled it differently. Women sure can mess with your mind. Especially when you two already have a history as well and she knows that you can't say no to her.

 

Well..no payoff was worth it...clearly it weighs on my conscience...i just wasn't brave enough to stand up to her...but i will be if she ever asks me again. No one can make me feel worse than i already do about it. I just hope she doesn't fall back into it...and yea we have a history...i'm trying to hold onto. Doing anything/everything i can to make her happy...not destructive. There are so many reasons right in front of me why we shouldn't be together...wish someone would tell my heart. Someone like Portia De Rossi lol.

 

I do wish I had some wise nugget of wisdom I could offer. I do know you can't live to please someone else all of the time ... she's got to make her own happiness. I agree life is clearly showing you this entire situation isn't quite right. I believe you already know in your heart that what you are doing isn't right which is why you are caught in such a dilemma, you already know what you have to do I'm sure there is a great girl waiting for you to notice her. Maybe you should analyze why you can't let your ex go. I hope this got you thinking about matters. Good luck.