Who is this little guy?

I just told Deanna in my mind, "I'm going to break into dormouse's work space." She replied, "I'm going to break into you." LOL "Do it," I said. But no, she's all talk, no action.

I dunno, dormouse. I kinda tend to think it's spirit guides, somewhat of Deanna's ilk, but a different kind of training ground. As with so much of what Deanna does with me, it's mental dramas designed to train you in a certain way. It's kind of an extra dimension of training - cuz life itself is a training ground using illusion and drama to create training scenarios, but you and I and some other folks get an added bonus - a mental training ground with extra dramas.

I would say: Think about what it is you're learning from this mental experience, and that's probably the reason for it. The "mediator" wants you to treat the discussions as serious - he wants your mind truly engaged and immersed in the drama, not questioning it - which is what I do a LOT, to Deanna's frustration and despair at times - cuz I know she's just full of shit. But then, I think that discerning bullshit is one of the things she's training me to do...see what I'm sayin?

 

hmmm yeah i think i see what you're saying. i am indeed having a REALLY hard time taking this whole weird mind trip seriously. i keep asking "what do you guys want from me, fer crise sake?" "for you to be what you are" is the repeated reply. "what's that exactly?" meaning filled silence ensues, implication vibes flash. i'm being asked to assimulate some pretty heady (haha) stuff with no externalized proof. i'm like "yeah yeah. that's called expanded delusion in shrink speak." and i laugh.

what am i learning? i'm not sure. seems i'm the one doing most of the testing now. like i try take over their voices in mid-sentense so to see if i'm the one creating them. i'll match and overpower their vibe and try to turn their "you are" into my "I am". they don't like that. it pisses them off. the action threatens the integrity of their Ids somehow. tough shit. i don't see how else i can prove their actuality to myself other than to make sure that i can't be creating them, that they have wills of their own to fight me with, wills of their own with which to separate themselves from my vibe. it'd be a whole lot easier if they just gave me their phone numbers. lol that ain't gonna happen so we'll do it their way, inside my head where i can surprise them with unexpected manipulations which may give me some ability to believe that this phenom is other than some really convoluted subconscious way i'm trying to prop up a poor self esteem. i am no longer in puzzled awe of the fact that they're here in my head and so our relationship has turned almost adversarial. i'm fighting with myselves. lol nuts!

 

I really like your whole attitude about this stuff.

"For you to be what you are" is exactly the point, imo. Here is a little mental conversation that took place not long ago between Deanna and me:

Deanna: What am I doing?
Me: Helping me find my true self.
Deanna: Yes.
Me: To be true to myself...
Deanna: ...no matter what happens.

I think at first you were maybe giving in to the "authority" of these guys...now you're questioning everything and looking for more solid answers. I say you're doing it exactly right. And by acting "pissed," they're trying to exert pressure on you to give in to their "authority." I say test the hell out the whole situation. You could end up with some interesting insights. And keep us updated here - I'm really enjoying seeing somebody else doing something like what I've been doing, and seeing what you come up with.

 

Let us know what happens, dormouse!

 

okay. i'm trying to get bead on what is meant by "be what you are". what are i? lol! as far as i can tell i'm just a little hermit lady living in the woods. my imaginary friends imply otherwise. though the implications aren't messianic on a grand scale pressure is being applied that i accept some kind of position of importance within the framework of my particular gestalt. see how such an internal message might cause me to assume that i'm just trying to compensate for an under developed self esteem?

i was raised in the old fashioned strict and dark Catholicism wherein self esteem was discouraged, especially in little girls. my poor sick mother was a psychopath who used her religion as a torture tool. i've managed to take apart and reassemble my psyche into something i can live with but my imaginary friends have their work cut out for them if getting me to find some kind of importance in my self is their goal. my childhood conditioning is a blessing/curse within the context of the internal working scenarios. in my deeper recesses i'll genuflect on reflex to the concept of "serving God" but that same conditioning disallows for any personal aggrandizement. IOW, i can not accept praise or any elevation of my selfhood for simply performing my function. my childhood conditioning makes it flat out impossible for me to be "special". my imaginary friends imply that acceptance of this "elevated position" is paramount for the advancement/evolution of my/our gestalt (a high tide lifts all boats concept). however, i'll remain just a little hermit lady with an over active imagination unless/until they can prove to me otherwise in some overt and undeniable way. it's their problem, not mine. i'm okay with just being a little hermit lady.

 

hmmm fingermouse, it's understandable that you believe that i'm "flying over cuckoo's nest". i've already admitted that my experiences are "crazy" from any "normal" point of view. however, i can't help but think that you're just as insane as i am. i mean, you're going out of your way to redicule someOne who you believe is mentality disturbed and that's just a crazy thing to do.

at least my insanity is benign while yours, it seems, is rather malignant.

 

It was more the realisation that I am the one who doesn't belong here, in the cukoo's nest, and I shall therefore exit. My intentions aren't malicious. I suppose I'm concerned, but I wouldn't want to make you feel humiliated or anything bad, and I wouldn't know where to begin in putting forward any opinion when the thread is this "cukoo" to me. I'm rather frightened of putting out tentative "you're talking about things for which there is no evidence and you sound delusional, I would see a doctor if I were you" comments, because that never goes down well even though it's the obvious truth to many. But not doing anything when confronted with such a situation seems a bit cruel. So while my post was a misfire, I hope you can see that maybe I'm not a big meanie afterall. I wanted to hint at a mentality that maybe isn't conpletely sound without offending or putting on the defensive, which is what always happens. I failed as I always do.

I also don'tthink my mere presence or participation here is an idicator of insanity on my part. I am interested in the psychology of paranoia and superstitious thinking purely because I used to experience it to such a degree myself. I believed wholeheartedly in spirits and guides and whatnot, but I have now become a rational person who remains open to the possiblity of them, but puts them within their rightful context and doesn't believe for no reason, and where evidence suggests that mental instability is more likely than an invisible friend talking at your brain, I would err on the side of caution before diving in and talking to a load of other believers as if it's reality.

 

sure sure okay. you're just concerned. thanks ... i guess.

sooooo despite my having had verified telepathic communications in the past you think i should believe what the pill pushing shamans of the psychiatric community say and maybe tank up on some brain numbing drugs so i don't hear what my mind has to say anymore. i suppose i'd do that if i were being tormented by demented demon thoughts but my imaginary friends are quite intelligent and learned, interesting to listen to, enlightening to respond to and get responses from so why would i want do the pill induced shuffle dance of the damned just so i can maybe become "normal" someday? look around you at all the "normal" people, all the anxious and angst fllled people, people who can't imagine themselves being more than discontented wage slaves toiling their lives away so to afford to buy fulfillment of TV generated desires. i ask you ... what's great about being "normal"?

i'm curious as to why you imagine you have an accurate bead on "reality" anyway. who appointed you to the position of "The Reality Monitor"? just because your excursions into your psyche garnered you no satisfaction doesn't mean that your view of "reality" is more valid than mine. i'm not even done with my excursion into my psyche and haven't yet drawn any conclusions. i'll take my own time with my own head, if you don't mind ... thank you very much.

so look, if you're happy with "normal" i'm happy for you. i kinda like my crazy. it's creative.

 

<applauds>

 

I agree. We should all err on the side of caution and not cite beliefs we consider to be fact because it suits our reality. If we're going to bandy around terms like "mentally unstable" and "delusional," we have to consider other mental health red flags. It is possible other people have experienced something "paranormal" in a definitive way and are not simply crazy.

A key factor in separating hallucination from reality is to determine whether or not it's reflective of repressed conscious thought. If a "voice" tells me I should smother my Uncle Horace because he's out to get me, I should seek assistance immediately. If I start receiving "government secrets the CIA doesn't want anyone to know about the extraterrestrials," same deal.

It is perfectly normal for religious people to speak to God and to hear the voice of God. That doesn't make someone mentally ill. What would be a red flag for mental illness is someone experiencing God speaking to them continuously for weeks and weeks. Any time we experience continuous contact for weeks and weeks, especially if it's intrusive, you're right. There's a pretty good chance someone's flown right over the cuckoo's nest. That isn't what it sounds like dormouse is experiencing. Those are my feelings as a woman of science, not as a spiritual being.

I think it's interesting you came here to post a picture implying someone was crazy. You sought out this experience. Why would someone who thinks she was delusional seek out this subforum? I don't think you "failed as [you] always do." Those are really strong words. You wouldn't have made the second post if you were simply trolling, and that's appreciated.

 

well, i call them my "imaginary friends" for a reason. it's not like i don't acknowledge that they very well could be just my imagination. if i were truly insane i'd not question their actuality or what they say. to me it's just an interesting mental phenom i play along with in the hopes i'll eventually understand what's really going on in my head, from where in my psyche they originate, from what insecurity or trauma they manifest, while simultaneously keeping my mind open to the possibility that they might be exactly who and what they say they are. i think this is a logical approach to my odd situation.

 

"Position of importance," huh? Hmmm. Well is it just a matter of asking for the job description? Salary and fringe benefits? What if you turn down the job offer?

Yeah, maybe you are "just" a hermit lady, but you're also someone engaged in some kind of odd mental and possibly spiritual process that motivates you to further develop skills of questioning, discernment, and analysis, and to further delineate for yourself who you are. Whatever the origin of the experience, whether "real" or imagined, you're responding to it, and the way you respond both defines and develops "who you are."

Would actual spirits (if that's what they are) purposely imply that you're special in order to get you reinforce your view that you're nobody special? Of course, this second-guessing game could circle around ad infinitum... Or if it isn't spirits, could it be considered a subconscious effort to find greater self-integration by acknowledging something about yourself that you have rejected so far? What would happen if you allowed yourself to consider yourself special in some way? :devil:

 

lol salary and fringe bennies? now wouldn't that be something. the job description remains vague. something about "catalyst" and "vibrational confluences". **shrug**

i don't know what they want. i'm doing the best i can. apparently i'm already in position but some kind of epiphany is required, some kind of attitude or something. but i don't have the context. what they seem to be trying to invoke just doesn't have a beginning platform in my psyche. you'd imagine that if i am whatever it is they believe me to be i'd know what they want ... but i don't. i've suggested that perhaps they've got the wrong person but they reject that suggestion. they say it took them years to track down my vibrational signiture and they're confident that i won't disappoint. ugh! i don't have a clue what it is they expect. i can neither reject or accept the position i'm supposedly in because it's totally outside my ken. i don't understand what i'd be accepting or rejecting.

lol why am frustrating myself like this? why can't i have understandable simple pleasant fantasies like normal people do? lol other folks fantasize about winning the lottery and here i am imagining pesty telepaths. whatta wackadoo i am! lol

 

Okay, well it appears I'm hooked on your bit o' weirdness, cuz I love a good mystery...or a bad one, too. So what I'm wondering now is: Fine, they're confident you won't disappoint them. But what are they actually doing with you? Are they trying to get you to think about or talk about certain subjects? Are they extracting info or opinions from you? Are they trying to get you to agree to something? Sign on the dotted line? Or are they just standing around the water cooler shooting the breeze while waiting for your epiphany?

 

a shift in consciousness

 

We cannot be sure of quite who or what he is. But I firmly believe that this aura or feeling surrounds you because either it needs you or you need it. Do you think everything in life is significant or that many experiences are fleeting moments? i ramble..

 

That would make sense.

"Epiphany" - nice name for a girl baby. Or maybe I'm thinking of "Tiphany."

 

I think Deanna and I would get along. Though I am nothing like her. :0 ?

 

Windy, are you proposing a mental menage a trois? That's just what I need, another female in my head for Deanna to convert and pervert. No, from what I've seen on the outside, you're nothing like her. Of course I didn't really find out a lot about her until I let her into my head, and then there was no turning back, was there?