how the heck do u do it?

okay,lately ive been putting some thought into my relationships. ive had a few serious relationships 2 that lasted 13 months 1 that lasted 16 months and a few shorter ones. i found out almost all the boy i dated had cheated one me,7 out of the 10. i dont know how people find some one to love them and be faithful. i mean im not asking for summin mega serious at first,but like if im with u for a long time then u shud be faithful,im not trying to ramble and say oh why doesnt anyone love me. not every boyfriends gunna be the "greatest" but why do they all cheat multiple times. maybe i can just find a good guy,so i have to ask how the heck do u do it,find a "good" one..i dont think im a really terrible gf that u have to be a bad boyfriend...perhaps it just takes time? comments? thoughts? anyone? i wud really like some help processing all this!

 

a lot of girls are attracted to assholes. you're probably one of them.

that said, you said that 7 of your 10 boyfriends have cheated. by my calculations, that means they have not "all cheated multiple times."

all you need is one, you've already had 3. not that any of those three is the right one for you, but the point is that they're out there.

 

im not attracted to assholes. there not assholes,just very unserious ppl apprently

 

i'm very unserious, and i would be very hard pressed to cheat on someone.

 

i ment about like a relationship. but then thats good! cheaters are awful anyways.

 

A lot of people in general are attracted to a type of person. These people may look completely different but have very simular personalities or charecteristics. You usually don't get the skill or judgement to find what your looking for until you get older. Next time your looking at a potienal partner, stop for a moment, look at them from a different perspective and really think about them from outside the box. Hope this helps.

 

This is just the type of reaction that will keep you dating assholes.

 

yeah that helps actually,gives me some advise,not just sayin i date assholes(obvs they were) but thank you for ur idea. imma try it if i find someone sometime thanks!

 

people cheat either because they're assholes who were planning to cheat from the get go, or there was something about the relationship that wasn't working, or opportunities to cheat with someone popped up.

how did you find out about the cheating?

what was going on in the relationship?

I almost cheated on a gf once. the core issue for me was that I was too much of a pussy. I wasn't happy with my gf, but I didn't have the balls to just dump her. I knew that it would hurt her feelings (and also that she would flip out), so I just avoided dumping her. At the same time, this other girl was pursuing me aggresively.

 

well one of my boyfriends my newest ex i was with for 16 months and i ended up finding out from him and one of his friends that he had basically cheated on me the whole time i was with him. another boyfriend we dated about 6 months and it seemed to be fine he was this "big christian" who ended up confessing he cheated on me the day after he did it. and many others things like that happend with other boyfriends. basically i think the relationship is going good,and then if idn out they cheat. maybe its me. IDK but im gettin pretty fed up with it. like does my forhead have "cheat on" written on it? maybe they just think im the kind person that they can get away with it. but its annoyin and im not. thanks for sharin ur story

 

The hot guys have everyone elses girl friend trying to get with them, so they get it in their heads that you are all like that.

So when you say stuff like "shouldnt I be enough" they think thats the cover story and you are just going to hook up with another easily like the other girls do.

No use just getting angry at the guys, its just as much about the other girls screwing you over.

When it comes to marriage, just do what the other girls do, find some poor schmuck none of the other girls want, pretend you arent interested in sex anymore so he tries harder then run around fuck the hot guys behind his back

 

Look for guys that respect you instead of those who find you hot and fun to be around.

 

Yes.

Only, it doesn't help to blame yourself; so it might be best to think about it as it being your choices.

There are two potential problems I can see here:
1) maybe you aren't being picky enough about who you date
2) maybe you are trusting the people that you date too quickly

How do you typically go about a relationship?
How soon do you get sexual, how quickly do you start spending tons'f time together, how soon do you declare love for each other, how cautious are you about new boyfriends?

 

i guess i do trust them to quickly,ive only told two of my bfs months into a relationship i love them,and im not to sexual at first. but yeah,i think i just trust them to fast,i guess maybe well,alot of them acted one way then when we dated changed,but i gotta work on that =p no boyfriends for along time for me lol

 

this is universal girlspeak for "i already have my next partner picked out and we will be exclusive by the end of the week."

 

clearly not,cuz i dont have any "picked out"

 

This is exactly why I don't have a girlfriend. Too many of the girls go for the assholes and trash that are out there, and me, I treat the girls with respect.

When we go out to eat, they ask me where we're going. I'm like "I dunno. What are you in the mood for?". When we go out driving, I ask them where would they like to go. Does that make them uneasy? Apparently so. I've taken girls out to eat where I like to eat, and they usually can't stand the food (though that isn't often). When we go driving and they say they want to go where I want to go, halfway through the drive they want to go home. Or a couple times they wanted to go to work with me. And both times the girls wet their pants. Hey, if you can't stand high angle 4wd roads with 12" of snow, ya shouldn't have asked to come along!

But that was then (20 years ago) and this is now.

Now, I pretty much avoid dating because my experience shows me which girls do that, "going after" the trash.

And yeah it makes me mad as hell sometimes. Really nice & attractive young women, getting into a relationship with a piece of walking human shit, he gets her into using drugs, her beautiful arms, end up with track marks, she looks like shit because of the drugs and her "love" beats her and knocks her teeth out. The same girl that turned me down because my physical impairment scared her. She was afraid of what others would say.

So you know something? Stay away from the human trash. I saw your pics. You're a very beautiful young woman. If someone is temperamental, realize that what you see there might be a message about who they really are. Don't just go and grab anything off the street to date, even as lonely as it can get taking your time is beneficial. Get to know the man as himself, first. As friends, first.

 

literally?

 

thanks,but i didnt plan on not talkin slow. ik a few of my bfs werent good,but that was after the fact we dated. u shudnt just not date,i mean its ur life,but im sure there someone outthere or summin. anyways thanks. i do plan on taking it slow and stuff. i mean ik its not gunna be easy but then again most of the boys i dated,i was younger and didnt really realise it. oh well life moves on

 

Now re-read what you said-

Maybe the best advice you can give yourself is that which you gave to me....?
:love: