confused about my relationship??

ive been seeing the same guy since january, and ive accepted the fact that he has childern, and everything, i have very strong feelings for him, and to my knowlwdge he has feelings for me too, however, he has recently told me that hes stuck between his feelings for two people. (me and someone else) which i appreciate the honesty, he says im amazing, and doent want to hurt me, or that he doesnt want to hurt either of us. i told him that its his decision. but i thought we had something special, and i still think we do. now im confused, and it got me thinking, would it be a better option to let him go to make the decision easier for his sake? i would do anythig for him and it hurts me to feel him hurting, i just need some advice on this. ive never had to think of it before. like the saying, "if you love something, set it free" but although i will be sad to lose him, i wouldnt be mad, but ive been thinking, and i dont know if i want to be the one to be told im not wanted, or should i stick it out and see what happens. because although my intentions are good, i know that if he tells me he doesnt want to be with me, i will probably go a bit ape, and i relly dont want that. any opinions or suggestions???

 

to love is to risk not being loved.

go for it. rejection is only one of two possibilities.

 

it means that he was not honest right from the onset...he was seeing 2 babes until one of them panned out...you were the back-up....i say completely dump him and dont look back

 

true. thanks.

 

ive never felt about anyone like this before, its just hard.

 

well, when you say seeing

do you mean dating, or was this actually a relationship? because, had it been the latter - he's not done too much wrong here.

 

IMHO- Since you've established a relationship with someone who doesn't appear to be as equally established within this relationship at this point, I would seriously think on my own behalf about the value of myself and my feelings and my time in comparison to someone who isn't sure of who or what he wants. Peace and Blessing to you.

 

im not saying hes done anything wrong, seeing him as in going places, doing things, staing at his place, him staying at mine, sleeping together, etc, not officially a relationship but kinda is at the same time, he told me he needed time after a bad break up, so i havent been pushy or anything and been patient until he was ready.

 

thanks xlear. i hadent thought of those things. man i have alot to think about.

 

Your welcome.....If you don't mind I'd like to express this last thought to you....Be young- Date free young hunks, free of children, free to have fun and not be overly serious about. Concentrate on what brings you joy let other's figure their own shit out. I know when you've invested yourself emotionally and someone has become disappointing it can create temp. uncertainty... Hey your wiser for the lesson and have lots of life ahead to apply it to! :2thumbsup:

 

awww thats a positive way of thinking, i like it. ill take your advice on that, thank you

 

It sounds to me you need more experience before acting on those feelings.

 

If he's capable of feeling the same way about another girl as he does about you, that means you're always going to feel more strongly about him than he feels about you.

If you can live with that, then stick it out and see what happens.

Personally, if I were in that situation I would let him go. If you keep seeing him, knowing he's seeing another woman, he might get the idea that he will always be able to have a girl on the side while dating you.

Plus, if he loses you it might be the wake up call he needs to realize he really cares about you and wants a committed relationship.

 

i wasn't saying he was, i was actually agreeing with you - hence the first post.

 

ah

 

If it were me, I wouldn't stay. I've had situations where it was a toss up between me and another girl and I ended it because I knew I could find someone who would be dedicated solely to me and our relationship and there wouldn't be issues of anyone else getting in the way of that.

 

ok, how would i end it without sounding mean??

 

You'd end it the same way you made this thread. Tell him you can't be competing for his love and facing the possibility of being "second best"

 

give him the ultimatum first.

 

I agree, to the most part.

the problem, however, is, we have all been in relationships - had flings, crushes, even stalked other people - long before we meet that person to whom 'you're expected to be be dedicated to'.

so, considering this, is it fair to spite the man who shares his heart for two women - when we adhere to the man who had fallen in love the first, second or third time previously?

would you turn down a date, because you were told that this person fancied someone else before, even?

we can't expect sole commitment, ever, it is not possible - we are attracted to someone over than our girlfriend or boyfriend probably at least ten times a day... suffice to say, it's more a question of commitment than dedication

you love him, he loves you, but you need to establish whether he can commit to this love. don't throw the opportunity away, being attracted to other people, well, it's not a crime.