Need to know if we're normal!!

OK so I'll keep it breif so I'm not whingerella... I have 2 kids one 6 and the other nearly 2. My partner works full time doing a pyshical job. I understand that he is tired and appreicate the fact he wrecks his body for us but he seems to think as I have no job I should always be happy with the kids as "I'm getting free ride" and they could not be that stressful and that he should not have to look afte them ever. I should hire a babysitter if I want to continue to play roller derby ( I train 6 hours a week)

Long story short am I the only woman who feels I have a right to get out of the house a couple of times a week when I dedicate myself to making the kids happy before me and spend hours doing boring kid shit I HATE with a smile on my face. And is he the only male who has this idea that their woman should look perfect all the time and never4 be stressed woth children and be perfectley happy staying at home all day doing the dishes and preparing dinner!!! I'm only 24 ffs and I'm waiting to start my own carrer after having kids! It just doesnt feel right to me...

 

I do not have any kids, but I do have experience looking after children (my niece), and I'm close to my brother and his woman, who do have a young child.

The way I see it is this, if you don't have a job, then your job is looking after the house and the kids. I would say the same thing whether you were the father or the mother, it isn't a gender thing.

Of course you deserve time out, but perhaps it can wait for the weekend. I also work physical labour and can very easily say that the last thing I'd want to do after coming home from a 9 hour shift is look after some fucking kids. Yea, they're his kids, but kids are kids. When you're sore and tired, they're just annoying.

Also, you're youngest is now two. In less than 2 years they will be in school and you can go about getting a career and what not. If you don't want to wait that long, you could always put them in daycare and get a job.

 

I'm thinking your "partner" is mistaking you for June Cleaver...is your "partner's" first name Ward?

 

Yeah it happens all the time and unfortunately it is the cause of a lot of divorces. It's not right! Housewives don't get enough credit in my book. I grew up in a house where my parents did nothing but argue with each other about similar issues and it sucked. You should really try to communicate with each other and if that doesn't work try to get him to go to marriage counseling. But in my opinion he sounds just like tons of other lazy husbands who think just because they work they don't have to do anything else. I hope all goes well for you.

 

No his first name is not ward.. and I don't know who June Cleaver is hahah!

And you have a good point Lunarverse... I guess what makes me whinge is a few months ago the rolls were reversed and I was doing 12 hour shifts on my feet in a restruant and when I walked in the door he would shove the kids at me and lock himself in the bedroom with no time for me to wind down. But I do agree that my job is to look after the house I just hate hearing how I shouldnt do soemthing I love (derby) when the house is clean and the kids are happy and feed.. I htink more than anything I just needed to vent!

 

Thanks MayQueen

 

I'm not arguing here, I'm genuinely curious. What is it about the situation that makes the man lazy? He works a physically demanding job, I assume a full time job.

Sure, he should take care of the kids, but marriage counselling? Really? I would think the problem is that he's tired and worn out from work, not that he's a shitty husband or a lazy father.

Shouldn't a person who has no job, who stays at home all day, be expected to care for that home and those who are in it, if they're younger?

Like, for example, if you're staying with a guest, it's one's polite duty as a guest to pitch in an pull their weight during their stay. This is the same type of thing, only the stay is indefinite as it's her home.

 

I would just like to point out my issue is just purely the attitude towards me, not the fact I am expeceted to 'housework or look after kids', I accept this but think it is not right to be yelled at on a sunday afternoon for attempting to leave the house to get some head space of my own.

 

Okay, that kind of helps get a better grasp on the situation...

So, you understand what it feels like to work and then come home and be expected to look after children. It sucks, you've been there. Now your husband is there. It's natural to want to "shove" them off on someone else.

However, you need to remind your husband that when he was not working he expected you to watch the kids when you got home, so as to give him a break. You now need that break that he once expected.

Your best bet would be to remind him of this and try to make up a schedule.

Maybe don't push the kids on him right when he gets home. Let him relax for a bit first. Maybe he can watch them after dinner for an hour and a half while you relax and unwind from your day. Then you can all spend the next hour or so before their bedtime together as a family.

That way the load is shared and no one will feel like they're being dumped on.

As for weekends, do the same thing. Saturday he watches the kids for the better part of the day, Sunday you watch them, or do it together.

 

You know I might try working out some sort of schedule.. thats a very good idea.. makes expectations a bit clearer

 

O.P, The Answer To Your Question Is Simple,You Are Clearly NOT

NORMAL.... Normal People Do NOT Post On Hip Forums, We Don't "Do

Normal" Here....



Cheers Glen.


P.S:- Almost Forgot To Say, Welcome To Here...:sunny:

 

hahaha I love it... I shall happily put myself in the 'not normal' pile then!

and hooray for fellow aussies's

 

yeah, you guys are pretty normal. a lot of people have kids right out of high school and then realize they weren't ready to handle it.