I had a baby with the wrong man

No, the other child is with his mother. They have a custody agreement, but she and I still stay in contact somewhat and last she told me, our ex wasn't seeing that child either.

I could have walked away, but that goes back to being naive and young (16 at the time) wanted to play house I guess and that turned into actually caring for the little bugger.

As far as my husband goes--he's a wonderful father. We've talked about what we would do if we split up and he said more than anything he would want to continue to have a relationship with my son but if it came down to it, he would respect whatever decision I made.

 

end of the day, it's quite simple

every child deserves a father. if this guy is willing to go to counselling, to try and do right by his son, then let him do so - he deserves that right.

i mean, it could be a success and he could be a great father. if this did happen, and you still didn't want him around, you sort of have to asked yourself - are you doing right by your child

or doing right by yourself?

 

He's never once contacted me. I'm not going to make him be a father. If he wants to, fine.

 

i see, well if he doesn't want to be then that's his loss - i just can't understand why a man like that would actually plan a child in the first place, if he indifferent to it once it's born.

 

ThAts where I'm stuck too man. And he didn't just do it once, he did it twice.

 

I agree with you, and have been very vocal about this with single women considering adoption, or not considering abortion.

I just question if the father has to be biological.

Maybe his reasons for having a child were off *shrug*

Irresponsible parents have always blown my mind. We all know children take a ton of work to raise properly; why the fuck have a child if you don't want the responsibility?
I don't sign up for charities when I'm feeling greedy.

But this is a life they are creating and fucking with; there could be nothing more selfish.

 

alright, fair enough.

i thought the guy might hate been slightly interested. if he isn't, well - maybe you're making the right move after all.

but i'd ask him, just in case. record the conversation without him knowing - if he says he is uninterested, you will have prof for court

you know what people are like, one minute they don't want or care about something, but the moment you try and take it away...

'i want what i cannot have' may never have rung so true.

 

just relax it will be ok remember to keep compassion and love in your heart because people are more likely to react more rationally towards one another if your ex is an understanding being then explain why u r doing what u do people make mistakes lol LOTS OF THEM so give eachother time to learn in time he may decide he does want to be a father or not but either way everything happens for a reason and for the better but remember compassion and love is way to go which means forgiveness and patience i send to u my understanding and deepest care because i grew up with no father and it may have been the best thing for me because i may have been a completely different person if i had a father REMEMBER.......COMPASSION AND LOVE

 

I'm starting to get the impression that you may have already tried everything available. If what you say is all honestly true, you may well have no choice but to take away the fathers rights. This just breaks my heart.

 

Good ideas guys. Thank you. <3

 

This is where Im at.

 

Any progress? You were on my mind today, just wondering how everything's going.

 

Whooaaaaoooooo, get outta my head maaan! :dizzy2:

I just called today to check...
Somebody should be calling me in the next day or so to set up a home study with us...after we get the green light w that, a hearing will be set and my ex will be served (apparently I mixed up the dates when he's going to be served).

Thank you for asking!

I'm still freaking out just waiting around for something to happen

 

Just because you get full custody and the child is adopted by your loving husband ,doesn't mean the biological dad can't see his child if he wants to. Seems he doesn't care at all tho.The bio obviously is not mature enough to raise a child. Visitation will be entirely up to you,if all goes well,but it sounds to me like you're absolutely doing the right thing for the child. If what you say is true,I don't see how anyone could feel differantly. One poster mentioned contacting him to let him know the papers are coming. Don't know about this one---I guess only you can anticipate how he will react. Some guys like him could not care less and some would flip and start a vendetta. Watch your back and good luck.

 

Thanks for the support scratcho. As far as contacting him regarding the adoption, NO WAY!!!! I do NOT want a front row seat for the poo storm he's gonna blow everywhere! ................... :hide:

That's why they have people to do these thinfgs for you. I think I'm gonna take them up on their offer!

Thank you tho, and I will definitely be watching my back...and front, and sides.

 

You're welcome. I don't understand why a guy would raise hell if he didn't give a shit about his child,other than to be a prick. So I guess maybe I do understand after all. I have experience with this custody stuff in more than one way.

 

Hahaha! You do understand! Lol

Sorry, sometimes I just have to laugh to keep from going crazy.

Do you mind sharing your experiences?

 

Well,lets see. My mother ran off with a guy to Mexico ,lived in a car with him and wanted to put me in an orphanage. The courts didn't give custody to dad's in those days (1945) so my gramma,my dads mom ,got me. My dad was a cold fish and I only lived with him my freshman and half of my sophmore year--my step mother was batshit nuts--used to scream and throw things at me with no interferance from my dad. Guess I reminded him of my mom ,from which I got my looks. Lived with friends off and on and then back with my gramma.

I got married in 1960 to a girl I met in college,had a daughter and continued my wanton ways as a rowdy-ass drunk with no responsibility for my child--in short --a fucken dickhead like your childs bio. Her new husband adopted her and I fully understood--hell,I was still a child in many ways and was certainly not suited to be a parent. When you got a girl pregnant in those days---you got married. So she rightfully divorced me and they went on with their lives. Now after that daughter grew up and became an adult ,I contacted her and she had the grace to forgive me and we now communicate.

So,it took me years to forgive the bios and myself too for countinuing some of the same type behaviour as I was subject to and as I myself perpetuated. Next time I had kids --I knew how to be a loving parent--a single one at that--and my 3 kids are the best things to ever happen in my life. I am now a loving parent and the love is constantly reciprocated. I have been on all sides of the fence and on top of it too! All is good. I didn't really want to make this about me---but there it is.

Keep us posted on your situation.-----Joel

 

Wow, you really have been on all sides of it. Good to hear your daughter forgives you.

I think a large portion of parents, and married folk for that matter, Don't realize how much of a HUGE commitment both are. A child deserves a mom and a dad that love each other and the child. Trying to force it to be that way if the loves just not there is a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. I know I wish I wouldn't have been so stubborn and not listened to the loved ones who were telling me that before I got pregnant.

Thank you for sharing.

 

Yes, that's exactly why I said you're doing the right thing. Bios don't mean much if they're not equipped for parenthood. Maybe the bio in your case will one day grow up as I did.