What's it like to be in love?

If you want to know how it feels to be in love. I know one book where the author examined over a long time every emotion and thought that occured to him while falling in love and being in love and splitting up from someone and falling in love again. It is called "A Lovers Discourse" By Roland Barthes

Someone called Deborah Levy wrote a brilliant poem based on it called "An Amorous Discourse In The Suburbs Of Hell"

from my own experiences - falling in love was dizzy and giddy and made the world seem new and was exciting beyond belief. but over time being in love changes and evolves its hard to say really except that you realise that if you dont change and you dont grow with each other then the other person changes and you grow apart and if youre lucky, as I was, you realise that you want things to always change and both of you want to grow with the changes together

 

He's my ex boyfriend. He's the only guy I've been with in 5 years. She and I are good friends now, I'm over my ex and okay with them being together but I don't care to talk to her about that aspect of her life. She knows how he treated me and she's a big girl, she can make her own choices.

 

invisible soul, i'm not sure what exactly your issue is. some sort of physical deformity, right? i feel a little dickish for suggesting it, but have you considered a blind guy?

maybe that's not the issue, but i would assume there's probably some sort of outside the box alternative for you, if nothing else.

i suppose if you happen to die just after meeting someone...

 

The thing about being in love...it's indescribable. And the funny thing is, you may end up thinking you're in love, swearing it, and then later on find out that you had no clue. I thought I loved a LOT in high school. I thought I was in love with every guy I had a fling with, but truth be told, now that I'm older and wiser, I know I've only been in love three times. It took death for me to realize one of them, it took years to get over another, and I'm still with the third after almost 6 years. And every single time was different in some way. To describe love to someone who has never felt it would be like describing the color red to a blind man. And they say you just know? No...it's not quite that simple. Because you can think you're in love a million times over, and then you really do fall in love and find you had no fucking clue.

 

Yes, it is a physical deformity. I have often joked that the only guys that could find me attractive are blind guys. lol I certainly would have no problem being with a blind guy so long as our personalities clicked.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "out of the box alternatives"...

 

To me this post just makes me think Love is just a pile of crap and just make believe :love:

To be honest all i think love is is just an animal instinct to protect and have babies. Nothing magical but it feels damn right so if it's nice.... PLAY IT TWICEEEEEEE

 

Love is what you make of it. I don't really know how to describe it other than how I did. And some people won't ever find love...and some people will find it a hundred times over. It's just a word for an emotion and unless you can feel other people's emotions, then you can't really tell them that it is or is not real. And if you think it's make believe...well...you'll probably never find it.

 

i'm not really sure either, that's why i used such an ambiguous phrase. just things like the blind guy example i guess.

 

Well, looks has always been very far down the list, as far as qualities Id look for in a potential partner goes, so I guess I already "look outside of the box" in that respect, a lot more than most people do. I just have never personally met a blind man, or been close to what most would consider a "physically unattractive" man, so that opportunity has never really presented itself to me. I think aside from blind men, pansexual guys (someone for whom physical attraction plays no part in their attraction to a person, and their ability to love them) might be my best bet of finding someone who will love me. The only problem I have, is these guys are rare, and don't exactly go around with signs on thier backs stating that they are that. lol Regular guys have shown interest in me before, but I know most of them would run a mile if I told them about my condition, even if they could see past my immediate physical flaws. So I think it's better for me to just not even try to get involved with guys like that, even if I start developing feelings. The risk of rejection and being very emotionally hurt is just too high for me to risk that again.

One thing I certainly wouldn't consider, is guys who would see me as a "hermaphrodite" or something similar, and fetishize my condition, and be happy about it. That would be selling myself short and degrading myself, which is something I always swore I'd never do. If I can't be in a relationship that I'm comfortable in, I'm happy to be in, and that feels natural to me, I'd rather not enter it in the first place. I'd sooner stay alone that just be with someone for it's own sake. So there definitely is a limit to what I'd accept as far as "outside of the box alternatives" go.

 

Being in love is happiness and pain, all rolled into one, and in most cases, it's heartache waiting to happen. It's all worth it though, even if it doesn't last

 

i was thinking its more like a slow soft long shit on a warm sweaty summers evening

 

Not very probable, i've felt love a few times.. always ends up hurting =(

When i say make believe i don't think you get what i mean, it's just a fancy word which gets thrown about too much.

So basically what you said in the first place is i thought i knew what love was then i felt it STRONGER! so what if in 3 years you feel it x10, are the loves you felt before not real love anymore? what a pile of crap

 

Oxytocin, chemical addiction and the science of love
http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html


[model a]-
LOve is a chemical reaction in the brain/mind/psyche/soul
recently with the advent of drugs ppl have found ways to escape the necessity of social/sexual templates to achieve the dopamine rush.
as it becomes more illusive it becomes more valuable and sought after

 

Lots of things are unfair, for lots of people. I'm not saying you don't feel that way and I'm not saying there are more than just a few people who understand you completely. Until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes... And all that jazz.

Perhaps I live in a very diverse place, but I find it hard to believe that nobody could ever love you. Unfortunately I think love hurts most of us more than it doesn't. Yet since everybody wants to find true and perfect love, they hope for it.

 

Frankly I think we all mix up sex and love just a little bit. And in a sexually confused society such as ours, with the great battle of sexual morality that has been going on for so long, who can blame us? There's also a huge difference between "falling in love" and "being in love". And many people who feel like there's something missing are searching for that connection with another person, that one who will understand and have everything make sense. It's been romanticized for us through the ages, and we dreamers of great dreams would just love to find it, so to speak. Timing and circumstance and our own desire to paint "how it should be" onto "how it is" often are large factors in convincing ourselves that a connection we've made will make us whole. Perhaps we were actually whole to begin with... Is there any chance that sometimes we are the very killers of love when we push our idea of what it should be onto that other person who we connected to?

I've experienced deep love, and been hurt by the loss of it. It was when I realized that it never really gets lost, and that only my own reaction to change and my own fears and baggage were what caused me pain, that I learned to feel love and give love without clinging to it. Being in love is wonderful, and sometimes it exists only for a while. People enter our lives; some for a reason, some for a season, few for a lifetime.

Love is a verb.

 

I'm not even sure how to reply to this because I'm not sure why exactly you're trying to belittle my own personal description. I don't feel the need to defend myself or my posts because I don't know what love is like for anyone else. I just know that I was not in love with every guy I dated like I thought I was then. I will ask you to please stop referring to my post as a "load of crap" just because you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Insults are not necessary.

 

I will say what has happened to me, and the way I've been left through mistreatment of my condition in childhood, is something that is really impossible to comprehend unless you've lived it. And the legacy of that is something that will live with me to the day I die, both physically and mentally.

I'm not saying that nobody could love me, though certainly, it's far more difficult for someone like me to find true love, than it is for "normal" people. The huge problem I have, is only a tiny minority of guys could find me physically attractive, and most of them would be attracted specifically to my condition. (or more to the point, the medical mistreatment of it) See me as some sort of fetish, and would likely see me as something that I'm not, which is something I could never accept, and real love could never could be built on such foundations.

My only hope is to find someone who could see past my physical flaws, and be attracted to me in spite of my condition, rather than because of it. Basically, someone who can see past the physical, and love me for my inner self and my soul. But the chances of me meeting anyone like that are so remote that I can dismiss it as a realistic possibility. I will probably never know what it's like to be loved, which hurts me a great deal, but it's something I accepted long ago would be the case.

 

I just think it's stupid i'm not trying to offend you cheer up

You say that you thought you were in love, then you realised that you were wrong cos you felt love more or something along those lines.... so what if you fall in love next year again and it feels 100 times more intense and different, does this make your current view on love wrong?

I just find the way you described it silly not trying to belittle you :afro:

 

It's kind of hard to describe or explain what I mean. I thought I was in love when I was 12 years old, I suppose you could consider that and all the rest of them "puppy loves" and it doesn't mean it wasn't love I suppose, it just wasn't the kind of love that holds a marriage together for years. But then again, I don't suppose what I consider my first real love really was either, and now I can't even stand him. I think love is an ever-evolving kind of thing, but I also don't want to say I was in love with every single person I ever had a relationship with.

Here's a little quote from a blog entry I wrote regarding love on Valentine's Day. It might sum up my feelings a little better than I have thus far.

" And love...is nothing like I ever imagined. It's not that obsessy weird feeling I always got about boys back in high school, it's this calm and gentle feeling. It's just...right. It's comfortable, it's the last bowl of porridge. It's avoiding the angry bear who first wakes in the morning and embracing the teddy bear that emerges once the first cigarette (or three) has been had. It's screaming and arguing over stupid things that don't matter in the long run and making up later because you both know those things don't matter. It's 5 years of spending most of your time with the same person and not even getting sick of them...not even the slightest bit. Love is hearing, "I missed you," after a 6 hour shift at work. Love is walking in on each other in the bathroom and neither of you getting even remotely embarrassed. Love is when you take a shower together and it's not even remotely sexual...it's just getting clean. Love is comfortable, love is forgiving, love is accepting that perfection does not exist. Love is faith, love is believing. Love is hanging onto each other when you've got nothing else to cling to. "

 

Honestly, it's like wanting to get laid really badly, but not getting laid at all.