Until 3 or 4 mouths ago I was very addicted to coke, weed and alcohol. Every day I wanted to get high because I hated life for real. I tried to commit suicide 2 times with no success. Since then something happened to me, at first it was the money was going all away and I become sober again, I started remembering a girl I met on summer and I wanted to get clean for her. The problem started there, I was going pretty well when I got back to that addiction life. So, I don't know how, but I started realizing I was being manipulated by some people that wanted to fuck me, I wanted to gain control over my life and with everyone helping me I could really get myself as free as possible. Today I'm free of everything including nicotine but I feel sad about one thing that I can't understand. I wake up everyday, I'm in peace almost all time, I like to live after 10 years of wanting to not live, I mean it's almost a dream life. The problem begins here, everyone likes me because I'm not that hater anymore and I liked it in the begining, now I'm geting some kind of anxiety because I want to become free of that humilty ego. Now I think to smoke a cig or maybe a joint when I hang out with my friends but I don't have that courage, I don't want to have a master again. I mean, it's who I am, I loved to smoke a cig or a joint alone (sometimes with people), thinking of life, enjoying it, etc. I never told it to someone. They think that I'm good now, in special my parents. Am I not free yet? (psychologically) Is it just flashbacks of my previous way of living? Am I afraid of a new way of living and wanting to go back to the life I was used to?
It takes months, sometimes years to get over a real bad addiction. Your best bet is to stay away from everyone you know who might do it in front of you. The cravings may never go away but you've gotta really practice self control.
the best thing you could do is to have an ambition in life that will give u more freedom such as travelling. To do that successfully you have to save some money and if thats at all possible sstart making plans about where you will go and even if its just a few euro's a week you save always remember that theres always luck around the corner and you may get the rest by other means. If a big travelling holiday is out of the question then i suggest planning to visit some festivals and stuff. Anything like that - take a big holiday that you have to plan for it would give u time to get away from the life u know
congratulations on quitting. it sounds like part of the appeal of drugs for you is rebellion, but it took you on a self-destructive path maybe there is a way you can open up the more assertive or even aggressive parts of your personality without doing drugs you could try therapy. or maybe take martial arts classes. or play a contact sport. something like that good luck, hope it all works out!
I'm still sober and I plan to stay like that, I'll go with this decision until I feel ok being normal. (again hehe) The travel thing is very nice, I'm going to meet 2 communes this summer, I'm very excited! About the therapy, I don't feel I need it, but in other way I'm geting into meditation and I want to do yoga or maybe an martial art. Thank you all.
addictions are never realty broken, we can brake the cycle but the addictions always there ,as human-beings we tend to remember the good times and forget the bad ,i did it to escape my relity and forget my life and have fun , but then it became more like a job and consuming my life ,but now i like my life,i sometimes miss the old friend but thy went there way with out me.my friends are fewer now,but much better friends, thy actually care about me ,but still hope the best for the old friends,for thy are no different than i was,
i kept all of the things that really rang true with me. I don't think you want to go back because you said you're at peace and you love being alive and living. In retrospect people we're trying to fuck you and you were physically reliant on chemicals and you have the strength to admit that. You already made a choice to change your life and did everything you need to. I had some shame anxiety for a while too. No matter how much I admired my improvement I wasn't good enough because i could remember how i was before. But that's over now. If you can do all of the work to get off drugs and get away from those people, you can get pass this too. Just give it time and you'll realize that there's no reason to be ashamed. i don't know if we're ever totally free but there's always room for improvement.
Thank you for your comments. It has passed some days and I'm absolutely fine! Rarely I think about it and every day seems to be a real joy. I'm doing things that I haven't done for a long time, I changed my room, I started going to the mountains (into the wild) to be alone and free of stress, I can say that I'm starting to enjoy life for the first time. I'm doing pshysical exercise and meditation too. I only can say that Zen took my life into a new way of seeing and understanding things. I'm starting to believe that habits disapear with time. (I don't drink a (baby) bottle since a few years ago. hehe)
