Is he lying?

I've been dating this guy for a few months now. At the beginning, he was really into me. In fact, he was the one that pursued me. Before the relationship barely got into the "honeymoon" phase it fizzled. We haven't had any intimacy, including sex, in a few weeks now. I find myself being the one that tries to create interesting conversation, but I end up talking to myself most of the time. He falls asleep early most nights, and leaves me alone.

I would expect this from a long term relationship, but not a new one. Shouldn't we be on each other like rabbits at this stage?

He says it's because he is depressed. But, the last time I checked, depressed people don't play golf almost every day with their friends.

What to do?

 

dump him, since you're not heavily invested. i know it sounds harsh, but it'll hurt more if you find yourself breaking up a year from now.

 

anyways, he must be pretty insane.

 

yeah I agree on dumping him. What's the use holding onto something that isn't satisfying to you? When I ended it with my ex, I just kept telling myself that life is too short to be in a miserable relationship

 

If someone can't be bothered to start a conversation or even keep one going, then I don't want them around me. To me it is a clear sign that they have other things on their mind, or that they are not interesting in being around me.

 

I can't be objective since I can't stand people passing out on my couch on a regular basis anyway. Of course it can happen once or twice but if you're so bored/boring that it happens every time you better don't bother to come to my place!

 

Exit light! Enter Night!
Grain of Sand!


Exit light! Enter Night!
Take my hand!
We are off to Never-Neverland!!

 

i tend to agree with most of what has been said.

there are some issues that compound this problem:
he has good reason to be preoccupied and depressed, does that mean he's not ready for this relationship?

we are going on a week-long vacation in LA and Vegas, do I just cancel on him? I have put my life on hold to be able to take this vacation. It would suck to not go through with it, but I shouldn't use him, right?

 

you certainly have a reason and a right to leave if you are not happy.

idk if playing golf means that he is not depressed.

is he getting any medical treatment for depression?

he could get better over time. I guess that you have to decide for yourself whether or not it is worth it

based on what you have said, it's not possible to know for sure whether he is lying or not.

if he just didn't like you though, you would think he would just dump you. if he was just using you for sex, he'd still be fucking you

 

Being depressed and preoccupied never makes it easier but doesn't have to mean he isn't ready. I don't know him though, which is why I generally like to stay away from giving relation advise as well (oh shit, now that I think of it I never feel like giving advise in this apartment, it tends to come back to me when I appear not to be the expert people took me for )

 

You two are going to end up spending a lot of time together in LA and Vegas: see how is during that time. Maybe he just needs something to pick him up. If he's there and isn't interested in anything, then he is less likely to change overall. Anyway, wait and see how the trip goes, it could change everything.

 

I agree with Robin. If you two get to Vegas and he spends his time without you playing golf or whatever else---you'll have your answer. I do hope you have huge amounts of fun tho-with him or without him.

 

As far as the vacation, I think it depends on how far into the future it is. If its next week, then by all means, go and see how things pan out. Maybe he is just depressed and the vacation will help. There is also the possibility that the vacation will be absolutely miserable, in which case that should make it a lot easier to end things when you get back.

If the trip is planned for 2 or 3 months away, it might be better to just end things now and save yourself the trouble. I have this theory about relationships: problems generally should not pop up for at least the first 6 months. If the first 6 months are anything but blissfull and full of sex, its just really not worth it. Relationships get hard enough once they get serious. The first few months should be enjoyed.

 

yeah, the vacation is next week and i was thinking the same thing; that if this doesn't give him a pick-me-up and make him more engaged, then nothing will. so, hopefully things will go well. thank you all for the advice, i'll update soon.

 

From what I understand you don't even know what's going on. That's never a good sign for any relationship, no matter what problems your bf might be having. Sounds like he's not ready for a relationship with you (or doesn't want it).
Is he getting any medical help or counselling for depression? He should be, if he's really been feeling depressed for as long as you say.

 

I wouldnt worry, its just means you suck in bed

(or dont suck enough as the case may be )


Just do what every other girl does, complain to all your girlfriends he's constantly at you for sex so he sounds like the frustrated one not you, tell them he has a little dick or is crap in bed so they dont try to steal him.

Then try make out to everyone else that communicating effectively in a relationship, hours upon hours about talking about your feelings and hopes for the future are things far more important than mind blowing orgasms, cos you know, no one is really interested in them.

And in the mean time, make sure the apartment is spotlessly clean, re-arranged the furniture several times per week, nag him to death about important stuff like if he puts his shoes on the coffee table - so that anyone that comes to visit can tell in an instant how frustrated you are simply by whether the end of the toilet roll has a fold in it or not.

But whatever you do, never actually tell him all the nasty things you want to do to him, or have him do to you, just let him try and guess, guys love that

 

your assumption that i have talked to him about this is incorrect. and as always, thanks for your sage advice

 

I disagree Vig.....although it could, it is not anything close to being guaranteed. Now, unlike others have stated, I would necessarily dump him, especially if you care about him. Depression rears its ugly head in many ways, alcohol, drugs, sex, becoming withdrawn. Golf or other "extra-ciricular" activites maybe his way of dealing with it.....not that he actually would rather golf, than spend time with you. Your togetherness/intimacy may not be an issue, however, it may remind him or be compounding a problem he has.

I would can the Vegas/LA trip with him ( or go by yourself etc..) until you guys figure out whats going on. You dont want to be out a lot of physical money ( the actual cost of the trip) or mental/emotional ( lack of a happy result) money. Just my opinion, based on what I read. I hope it all works out for you.

 

ooops meant to write I would'nt necessarily dump him....

 

Sounds like your best bet. Have fun