Hypothetical situation: Say you're dating someone. They're starting to have some family drama in which things have progressively gotten worse over time and in turn causing pain to your bf/gf. Do you step in and say something to said family or sit back and allow the problems to resolve themselves?
that's what I feel like...it's just hard when you feel like there's something you could say that would really make them think about how they're acting a little bit differently.
It just sucks... my bf is dealing with his mother. She claims to be supportive of his dream, yet when he tells her he got his first gig and has made it very obvious that he's excited about it, and EVEN asks for a good luck wish, she can't even muster up that. It's like she's completely avoiding it. And that's only been part of it. It's hurting him a lot. In more ways than she even realizes.
that is too bad... sometimes it is good to get into it in a powerful way with your partner's family.... i feel like it is a better thing to be quietly positive, but i can't help but loose my shit sometimes and rip their asses apart.... it feels nice to defend your partner, but maybe that is a selfishness - i feel like maybe finding a peace is best - but when rage rises it's hard to stop
If it's just dating and it's not to serious yet I would be there for support, but I would stay out of it. However if I was in a committed relationship or married I wouldn't sit back and let someone hurt my girl.
right....actually, it's hit a point where she's blaming me for the wedge between the two of them and it's only because he feels like he can talk to me. Needless to say, the only reason why I feel like saying something is because I no longer give a fuck about what she thinks of me, if she's gonna blindly point her finger at me for getting between her and her son. I really really really just want to tell her... I really don't want to sound disrespectful here, but you're making it very hard on yourself as well as him and you don't realize what you're doing to your son. As much as you say you support him, you don't show it at all and it's hurting him more than you know.
Well, I've known him for about 5 years, and his mom just as long. She used to be like another mother to me. Over the years she's changed ALOT.
In that case, I'd step in. You have known these people long enough. But of course you should be respectful when you do so. I stepped in when my best friend was having problems with her parents when she was 16, and her father initially even threatened to call cops on me. I was 21 then. But I was being her friend, and I'd talk to her parents and try my best to get them to see things from her perspective. That summer she temporarily "lived" at my place, with her parents' consent. We all agreed that she needed some space, some timeout from everything that was going on at home. She and I are still best friends after 14 years of being best friends, and I also get along very well with her parents, too. Oddly enough, I "stepped in" when I haven't even known them for that long, maybe a few months. So I can understand the initial parental protectiveness or the urge to push away outside influences especially when you don't know the other person. But if you have known these people for 5 years or so, I think there's at least a little bit of room for your opinions. They may not be willing to hear right away, but hopefully one day they'll remember it and learn something from that. But then I'm just speaking from my own experience. I have a tendency to ALWAYS step in, lol. I do less of that these days because I've gotten emotionally destroyed a few times because of my habit, lol. All the best.
