Hi, I come here to ask for help. I feel like something is wrong with me, but I don't know what. I hope that if I describe some of my symptoms to you people, you would be able to point it out for me. This is quite a long read but I very much so could use help, therapy just isn't cut out for me. I would really like to know what is the problem. Well for a while, I was very creative. I used to read a ton, I'd draw all the time. I had a huge imagination, and the whole world was bright and colorful. I was very interested in science and astronomy ( not common for someone in their pre- and early teens, which is how old I was back then ) I have an above average IQ, its not astounding or anything. Its 130 when I did the quiz. I used to write great stories, create toys and paint and write poems and all this great stuff. I also used to be the life of the party. I was very popular as the funny guy who everybody was friends with. Well into my early teens I used the psychedelic DMT. This blew the doors off of my mind and made me a much more creative person. I was playing guitar and making music, drawing on everything. I started listening to older psychedelic music, and completely loath today's generation. Well I thought I should do DMT a few more times, maybe blow my mind even more. So I did, and did other drugs, LSD, cannabis, DXM, to name a few. From doing all these drugs, I have developed HPPD, which means that I'm always seeing visual distortions similar to hallucinations. Now recently, life has become dull. It's been a gradual process, but everything seems to become more and more blunt. I don't have any inspiration to write anymore, and I simply cannot draw anymore. I have less interest in guitar than I used to also. I feel as though I'm on autopilot, and I find myself daydreaming all day. Even watching TV, I just wander off into the corridors of my mind. I get lost like this a lot, usually in class. The only time I ever feel like my old self again is around my girlfriend, whom I love with every inch of my being, and around 1 or 2 other very close friends. I just feel dead otherwise. When I talk I feel like I'm in my head viewing through my eyes, but it is not me talking. even when someone else is talking to me I just can't pay attention. I don't feel like I'm the one talking. I don't joke around anymore, I don't really talk to a lot of people. I feel encased in my body almost, like I'm looking through windows to a strange, outside world. I am also always talking to myself, even when talking aloud there is a seperate conversation going on inside my head between me, and another me. one of them is very kindhearted and nice, the other one lashes out at everything I see. I find myself yelling at people (in my head of course) based off of first glances. Even to the people I love, the mean voice just yells out their flaws and such, even if they don't have any my voice will make one up. I really don't like these voices, they make me very angry sometimes. Do any of you know what the hell is wrong with me? Do the drugs have anything to do with it? It brings me to tears because I miss me.
Sounds like you grew up. How old are you now and how old were you when you were at the height of your drug use?
I'm 18, and the height was about 14-15. last time I did DMT wasn't too long ago, but I didn't have the magic it once did. I don't know if I should really take another trip and deeply evaluate myself, or should I just deal with this?
I would suggest looking into the different forms of depression to start out with, you do not have to be miserable and sad to have depression.
Yea man I felt like this after two really bad acid trips....that was about six months ago. I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had pretty bad HPPD since the summer when I rolled too much....Do you smoke??? I've noticed when I stop smoking i start to come back to reality. I actually just decided to quit yesterday for a few months so I can maybe feel like myself again. I've basically felt the way you feel for the past six months. If you wanna hit me up I feel like we could help each other out since we're going through similar feelings. Message me or something
