Wanted: Dead or Alive

What is a Gnome?
The Above is an example of Gnomis Vulgaris, or the common Gnome. Gnomes are immigrants from central Europe that have long etched out a living from whatever humans take their eyes off of. Normally they are honest, hardworking 'people', but some have become evil, world-class lighter theives.
Gnomes are usually unseen, they are quick and they are smart. If you see anyone under two feet tall with a white beard and a satchel, odds are they are a Gnome.
Do I have a Gnome?
Gnomes make a living by stealing stuff, their usual targets or 'pidgeons' in Gnomespeak are the users of Cannabis aka Marijuana. They Gnomes prefer 'Pot-heads' because they are slower than the general population, prone to forgetfulness, and generally have the sweet, sweet reefer on them. If you smoke Cannabis Beware! The signs of a Gnome infestation are:
Frequent loss of Lighters ( a favorite target for the gnome)
Frequent loss of Car-keys
Frequent loss of Cannabis
Several Gnome-sized holes in the wall
An overpowering urge to point your speakers to the wall and blast barvarian music (rare)
Where to Gnomes Live?
While most Gnomes are undomesticated and live in the wild, some have adapted to humanity and can live in a wide variety of places. The most telling sign that you have a Gnome habitat is the frequent loss of precious, precious MJ from the area.
Common Gnome Habitats include:
Cars (Gnomis ondaroadis)
Coats (Gnomis inmicoatis)
Pants (Igot AGnomis inmipantis)
Bedrooms (Gnomis Underbedis)
What to do in case of Gnomes
1. Don't panic, if you have just suffered an unexplicable loss related to cannabis usage, the first reaction is to panic, gnomes love this.
2. Methodically make a sweeping pattern over the probable area of where it is.
3. Curse, swear, and threaten the gnomes. The most effective being "god damned gnome" and "i'm going to burn down this entire motherfucking house if you don't give me my fucking lighter back you motherfucking, cocksucker, low-life gnome!"
4. if all else fails, give up your search. Gnomes are renowned pranksters and will usually return your item once it stops being funny.
Conclusion
Know your Gnome. These creatures are a part of daily life for stoners, and you will have to co-exist. Learn to appreciate their antics, and above all, do not get upset when they steal something without going into a homicidal rant. Gnomes love to see people get angry, but not see people threaten to skin them alive.
Keep an easy going-attitude towards the gnomes, in time "the Gnomes got it" will be almost humourus. And if you ever get an hand on one, beat it senseless then stick it's head on a pike as a warning to others (WARNING: MAKE SURE IT IS A GNOME AND NOT JUST A SMALL PERSON OR MIDGET BEFORE YOU DO THIS!!!!)

 

Hahaha LMAO...

 

Hahah, gnomes Rule!!! I love gnomes.

 

Hey it looks like my nabor....

 

that fucking gnome was in here last week, jacked my pack of cigs.....bastard

 

hahahahaahhahaahahahaha, oh man that drawing is awesome. I will be sure to keep gnomes away from my stash

 

Anyone heard of a mundgen?