Taking the initiative for sex

Me and my boyfriend are together for 4 years and we have a good sex life. However i feel frustrated with one thing. I never take the initiative to have sex. For some reason i never do it and this has happened since the beggining of our relationship until now and i still don´t know how to change things. At times i feel like a lousy girlfriend, at least in the sex department. I mean, i am quite an open minded woman, i am not prude. I like to try new things in bed and I am at his full disposal. I ask him if he gets bothered with my lack of initiative and he says no. He doesn´t mind to take matters into his own hands. But i still worry about it. I truely get frustrated. I am sure guys prefer women with initiative, it must be much more arousing than a passive woman. It´s probably some kind of issue i have, maybe because i don´t feel i am seductive and therefore have no idea how to act and end up affraid of screwing up things. I feel like i have what it takes to be a good lover, i like sex a lot, i like kinky stuff, i am open minded, i am willing to satisfy his deepest sexual fantasies:tongue: but i can´t do it in a more active way? This sucks! I am also worried that, with time, this may become an issue in our relationship and end up making our sex life boring.
Anyone with a similar problem? Any tips on how to overcome this?

 

I had that problem in a few relationships...I ended up changing that with my current boyfriend. Sometimes, when the mood hits, you've just gotta dive in. I'll randomly jump on top of him and start kissing his neck or grab him while he's washing dishes. That's the only advice I can offer. If he says it doesn't bother him, though, then you should be ok, I'd think...guys usually don't mind taking control

 

how about you try taking the initiative for sex then?


it doesn't matter how unseductive you are. he won't be disappointed.

 

No! I think that a lot of guys, perhaps most guys (?) like to be the ones that take the initiative. Maybe a little initiative when you first get together, if that is needed to get things going, but now that you are in a relationship I think he may like things that way.

I think it's the traditional macho guy way for the man to be the initiative taker. I don't think that anyone should feel trapped in a traditional gender role, but I think a lot of people like traditional gender roles.

I think that media has been aggressively promoting the notion that women should play aggressive roles. That's their agenda, don't believe the hype.

As long as you feel happy with being passive, and your boyfriend likes it if you are passive, then I think that everything is ok:2thumbsup:

I think you may be greatly exaggerating the appeal of aggressive women to men.

I personally find a woman who is passive but very flirty to be most appealing. Aggressive women are a turn off for me.

 

The dishes are always unwashed at my house and I don't know what to do about it, please help me they're piling up on the sink and I'm so frustrated, I just don't know what to do! Help! Tips on what to do about my unwashed dishes?

 

^ try take out

 

e7m8, I think most people prefer a push-pull system... Soz....

OP, if you want to have sex, ask him to have sex :2thumbsup:

 

It strikes me that the reason you give for wanting to take the initiative is your boyfriend's satisfaction rather than your own.

Might that not be the reason why you don't take initiative? Are you mainly worried about satisfying him rather than yourself?

Personally, I love total hellraisers in bed and I have a particular penchant for terrorrists.

But, I would want my partner to be doing that for him or herself...though, sometimes the line separating what satisfies me or my partner feel blurred because I also enjoy giving pleasure. Of course!

 

I don't completely understand your problem.

Are you saying that you don't initiate sex even when you really want it and instead just wait until your bf has the same idea?
Or is it that you are just worried about what your bf might possibly think about your passive role in some unidentifiable future although currently you are both satisfied with your sex life?

If you think initiating sex is going to make you feel better, just do it. Be yourself and enjoy it. Seduction is fun.

But if you're going to do it because you think you "have to" instead of really wanting and feeling it, it will end up awkward and uncomfortable. Not a turn on.

 

Just take your clothes off, he'll get the idea. It's good enough for me when my wife does it.

 

my ex boyfriend didn't like it when I initiated sex. He had control issues, but still. Not all guys want an aggressive girl.

 

start slowly washing a dish outside, telling every passerby how much fun it is washing your dishes...

 

please be warned that this may be taken as an invitation by some to declare jihad on your ass with a strap on

 

I am thinking in both of us. He does not mind, it´s not a drama for him but it could be more exciting if i was more "agressive". As for me, well, In my head, i am quite naughty, but i can´t translate it to reality. It´s like something is missing for my total sexual satisfaction. And there´s one thing i forgot. I once did take the initiative and it went wrong. I guess i may have been clumsy in my attempt. I just pushed my hands inside his pants and stroke him for a while, then i took off his pants... and he just looked at me with a look. I really got upset because i thought i was being quite obvious! He sometimes does the same thing to me, just pushes his hand inside my skirt and teases me till we end up having sex. So why did he react the way he did? The result was... i got even more insecure about taking the initiative! I need a psychiatrist!:dizzy2:

 

:2thumbsup:Thank for the advice!
I walk naked in his house all the time. He won´t get the hint since it´s a habit we have. I must find another way, i just have to stop being a chicken!

 

maybe he needs a psychiatrist if he couldn't figure out what you were going for there...

 

I totally agree.

 

so maybe he really doesn't want you to take the initiative.

you could ask him directly if he would want that

so if he doesn't want you to take the initiative, the issue then is, are you ok with that.

 

some men need to wear the pants...plain and simple

 

could it be possible that you misinterpreted his look? Putting yourself in a vulnerable position like that could have made you oversensitive...thats just a suggestion, its also entirely possible that he would prefer to be the one to initiate things.

Next time that happens just ignore his confused look and keep on keeping on...he'll start enjoying himself so much that he'll forget why it even bothered or confused him in the first place.