sometimes when i am at work and i am bored i get lost in thought because i have nothing to do (don't suggest that i find something to do; in fact i am doing my job). i start to dwell on my parents and other things from the past and it starts out mildly and then develops into a full blown bad mood. part of the problem i've figured out; i'm very embarrassed of this and myself and that i can't control it. it makes me really self conscious that i look like a freak and feel a bit paranoid. i doubt i look as bad as i feel. i guess i am too focused on whats going on in my head and not focused on whats in front of my face and its so hard. i realize that you can't let people get you down. and i know that i do. overall i am just looking for a new out look. one where i dont beat myself up for little things or beat myself up for beating myself up. i want to live life to the fullest and i'm regretful that i haven't done so yet. but how do i control this bad moods and how do i stop dwelling? how do i focus? any advice? and advice for not beating yourself up?
Reflection can be a good thing. Reflect on what has upset you, figure out why it has upset you, and then realise that it is what it is and was perhaps out of your control and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it now. The problem is that by focusing on the past we neglect the present. The past can't be changed but it can be let go of. Obsessing over it is no good, it was and now it is no longer. The present is the only thing that matters. Try to focus on what's going on, force yourself to be more engaged in the present moment. If you have things from the past that currently bother you to the point where you neglect the present, you've got to start letting those things go. They are what was, not what is. They serve no purpose. Let things go and focus on what is.
I agree with luna ^^ I find writing to help. I go through the exact same phases as you, when I'm alone and sitting still, I dwell on tons of random awful things...but if I take those moments to write them out, I usually feel better
but how do i control this bad moods and how do i stop dwelling? how do i focus? any advice? and advice for not beating yourself up?[/QUOTE] Hi, that stinks- sorry you’re experiencing this. I agree with the idea of writing out what keeps resurfacing...Also, whatever the subject may be there may be a book or multiple books that can offer you some great suggestions and techniques to see yourself through this! Peace and Blessings to you
yeah i see what you mean but that's easier said than done. it's like having a crush; you can't just stop crushing on a person. i can't just stop dwelling; it's sort of out of my control and it's not as simple as an attitude adjustment or therapy. some weird things have worked for me in the past but usually they involve confronting my problems directly/vocally but i'm not a confrontational person. i'm an introvert. i agree that i need to let a lot of things die already. i know that its stupid to care about and making things worse but i'm not very happy right now. thanks for the advice. as for writing i've done it compulsively for years. i journal and it does help me but it doesn't really stop me from thinking/not focusing during the moment otherwise. things bother me continuously. something that bugs me is that people try to stir up shit and be catty for the sake of it or out of contempt or jealousy. i am the kind of person who has never been interested in that kind of thing; i don't do that. unless i am very close to someone and actually emotionally involved i really don't care about other people's issues but these people still offend me and upset me a lot. i guess i wear my heart on my sleave and people like that get to me. but i am an only child and have had to deal with most things on my own; i've never really had a buffer support zone that would talk to me and use common sense and just calm me down so i get lost in this kind of ridiculous drama. also a lot of the people i've been around have been pretty nuts where as i am pretty normal. i feel like a loser because i never "win" these stupid bitch fests. i know better than to involve myself willingly in this kind of thing because i've been taken on a few rides by creeps this way but on the other hand if i'm offended i still feel bad. i can try to be more nonchalant and chill not get nervous. its something i do consciously when i am with the police, for example. i am thinking of extending that to other members of the public and people in general.
This sounds like I wrote it. Given the fact that you said you're introverted, try just getting out there. Really focus your attention on what's happening, what's going on, and the people around. You've got to get out of your own head, it's the only way to not focus on internal things. The more you have going on outside, the less you'll focus on the stuff inside. Works for me usually anyways. As for other people's opinions. The only opinions that matter are those of the people closest to you and the people you respect. Fuck everyone else who has a shitty attitude or opinion. It doesn't matter.
thanks. ^ another challenge is i know i am being watched. at my job .... people can upset me and watch me screw up for their amusement. it gets to me more than my coworkers. i really need a new job but for now this is all i've got. maybe part of the problem is the job/people in itself. they make me feel really like i'm awkward ... currently i'm a table games dealer. but everyone once in a while i am told the total opposite. i've been told everyone else there looks kind of crazy and i'm the only one that looks normal. also that i'm social and the other dealers never crack a smile.
Your thoughts are not out of your control. Your thoughts and your actions are the only two things in life that you can ever have complete control over, actually. It is not a bad idea to fully process and feel to their full extent all your feelings, but if it gets to the point where you're simply dwelling and its being counterproductive to personal growth, thats when you should start trying to exercise self control over your thoughts. Its not as hard as it sounds. If you start having a negative thought, change the subject in your mind. Think of something else. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the past. Focus on what is important in the future, think about the things for which you are grateful. I bring up being grateful because its a personal pet peeve of mine when people are so caught up in negative aspects from the past that they completely miss the good things that surround them in the present. Also, you should try meditation. Meditation is not entirely about blanking your mind. Its also about accepting that negative thoughts will occur sometimes and learning how to let those negative thoughts occur and then let them go without dwelling on them.
you know i guess i could apply this at work. for instance even if someone's attitude is out side of my control i still control other things at my table. its my table after all. ... i don't know another problem is that some people have decided that they can bully me and not have my back or treat me differently than other employees. i think they think i don't realize it or can't or wont do anything about it ... or actually that no one else will have my back.
The thing is, a lot of the problem with issues like dwelling and anxiety is we perceive that we're not in control. So we fight for control when really there is no loss of control. I find it more helpful to realise that we needn't be in control of everything. Submit yourself to what is rather than fight to maintain control. Because when you fight to maintain control, you will always lose. You can't control much in life. When you give up the fight to maintain control, it can be peaceful because you're able to just go with whatever happens and not have to control it. As for how people treat you, we teach people how to treat us. If someone treats us badly, it could just be that they're an asshole. But if they continue to do it, it's most likely because we allow them to by putting up with it. If we put a stop to it, that'll show them that they can't treat us that way. If they continue to treat you badly it could be because you're not doing anything about it. There's a saying, "Sometimes you have to eat shit and smile." If a boss treats you like shit, you might just have to put up with it if you want to keep your job. But if colleagues are doing it, and they aren't your superiors, there's no reason why you can't speak up and teach them that it isn't okay for them to treat you that way.
