I wonder, am I addicted or a junky, or neither?

2002.
I had a massive toothache. The kind that can drop a man to his knees.
At the time I was actually afraid of these "Percocets". Hell, I had panic attacks when people around me would smoke weed.
But I bit the bullet and my girlfriend gave me 2 5MGs. I took them and prayed that I wouldn't start having a panic attack. The first thing I noticed was the pain all but vanished. The next thing I noticed was the warm fuzzy in my tummy and the fact that I was talking to my family about shit I didn't even care about.

After that it quickly escalated. I finished off her script and for a time that was that. Another toothache occurred (same tooth) and I ended up at the ER with a script of 30x5MG Hydros. I started by taking three at night and loved it.

I would look forward to popping those three all day long. It seemed that no matter how crappy things were going, I had those three items to look forward to.

Eventually (2 years later) I would stop waiting to take them and just pop them whenever I could. It got to the point where I was hitting up the ER for all sorts of things. I never made anything up, I just found it a good way to relieve pain and get high at the same time.

I did that on and off for about a year. Then I found a doctor who actually listened to me and wanted to get to the root of the pain issue. Turns out I had practically zero cartilage in my knees and slipped discs in my back. Well ok! So I've pretty much been on 30-60 5MG hydros for the past few years.

I'll take a total of 8 a day (4x twice) and when the script runs out a few days later, I'm usually fine. I don't go hunting them or anything like that. If I happen to come across someone selling them, I'll but a few and that will be that. I'll usually go 15-20 days without them and have no problems, which brings me to my topic.

Am I just one of the few who can live without them or am I still addicted and 20 days without them is nothing? And I can only imagine my liver at the moment. But yeah, thoughts on this? Different ways to look at this or think about it?

Thanks!

 

In my opinion it sounds like you are at the start of an addiction problem. I think that if you had a steady connect then you would be hittin your connect up whenever you could. In the beginning of my early days of messing with oxy - I was the same way. I started out with just popping a few vicodins/percocets. A couple of years later I was introduced to a dude who sold them - steadily. Then in the past few years I was doing roxi's and OC80 's everyday. Thankfully now I'm on suboxone.

If I were you I would just be careful. The last thing that you want to do is be a slave to them. They are fun but also can be very evil. Just be careful.

 

I think CoLdFuSioN said it perfect: you ARE at the bleeding edge of an addiction starting. Mental addiction is your first problem. Can you say for sure that you could easily go the rest of your life w/o opiates? or would you buy them more if they were around more? Thats the true test. We all started out in control ya know...

 

packetaddiction - I was the same exact way 6 years ago. 4 years ago, I got hold of oxycontin 40's and 80's and that's where it went downhill.

I started by just doing a 40 over a weekend (20mg insufflated on Friday and Saturday night). It quickly became something I would do every other night, then every night. Soon I was taking them everyday and nothing would stop me.

A year and a half ago I got to my rock-bottom. I lost my job, my apartment, all my friends, all my money, and all my self-respect, but even THAT wouldn't stop me. Eventually, I wasn't able to find any for a few days and I felt like I would die, so I went to the methadone clinic and got started up.

Since then, I've got a new job making more than I did before (which I need, since my methadone is $5 a day and nearly $150 a month), got a car, and an apartment. Since then I've been doing fine. Now I'm getting weaned off the methadone and within a year I should be completely off.

I can only wonder now where I might have been at this point had I been able to find something to tide me over for those 3 days I was without... But, I can tell you with fair certainty that I wouldn't have a job, a home, a car, or anything. I'd probably be sucking dick for money just so I could get my fix.

So please PLEASE make sure you don't let it get out of hand. I know its fun for now, but the fun doesn't last long when soon nobody wants to be anywhere near you and you have no way of supporting yourself, etc. You don't want to end up like me.

Between the ages of 16 and 20, I had no life. I literally threw away what could have been the best time of my life for a $5 a day methadone dose and for being lonely as fuck. I STILL have only 1 friend and even THEY don't want to hang out with me because of how much I used to lie and cheat and steal.

Quit the pills and stick to weed. Mary Jane will never treat you wrong!

 

Here is the scary truth, If you think you are addicted or if you have no control over the drug then you are addicted. It sounds like the only reason you are not using daily and can go a long time with out is because of the oppurnity to get a hold of it. I have a history of substance abuse as well. And what I've learned is its not about how much you use, or how often its how it effects you and how it gets worse the more you use and you use more and more. From your story it seems like there is a progession. It will get worse if you are addicted. I would get help now. For both the knee issues and the drug part of it.

 

lol wow man, you are lucky to be where youre at, so early in the beginning but yes if you had to get a pill you would be addictd but since you can go days without you are not, 2ndly you only doing 5 miligram pills man, those are nothing, you doing 8 a day is like 40 miligrams, but most popel on here do that in 1 sitting and do it 5 times that a day like myself . YOu can love these yes but don't go over the limit, stick to the 5s and maybe 10s at the most, don't do any more in dosage or else you'll keep climbing and never go back down , shit sucks having a high tolerance and needing the pills to function in evryday life , no matter how much pain your in, don't exceed the limit man, and once you can stop, please stop, its not worth it

 

If you can go 20 days (!) without taking your opioid of choice and not having any other opioids in between, then I would not say you are addicted yet. You still have the ability to decide if you want to get more "Deep" into opioids or decide to actively make sure you don't increase your dose and just take enough for pain.

Thinking back in terms of my whole addiction timeline, the days when I could go 20 days, were SOO different, in terms of mindset, addicted-ness, etc. that it is like I was two different people from back then to now (where I am off all opioids except prescribed Suboxone Replacement Therapy).

 

Thanks for the responses everyone!

The kicker here is that I do know a few people with a very steady flow of items. I've went to him on occasion but generally don't like spending money on them. I am worried that this will change in the near future. I need to find some strength, somehow to keep this at bay. I've seen these little items take over peoples lives and I really don't want that to happen to me!