Feeling pretty lost and dont know what I am doing at the moment. All I do know is I want to travel but ovouisly you need quite abit of money to go but I dont want to work at the mo. I live with my mum a step-dad, that can be quite hard sometimes as they are both clinically depressed and they dont like to talk much. And im very chatty open person but its fine as I accept them for who they are. I live in a small town called Llanidloes in Wales an everyone knows everyone and knows your business. It is a nice place with very friendly layed back people, depends who you hang about with. I do have alot of nice hippie friends out share the same views as me and are there for me when I need them. My life has been pretty up a down and think I have coped well with alot of things. I am adopted an have been with my family since I was 11 months old as my biological mother has Szisophrenia. I dont wish to contact my bilogical family as I think my family now are my family. I have been screwed up about it in the past thinking it matters that im not born from my family, am I gonna end up like my biological mother and am I different from my family like the outsider. But I am coming to terms with that now as im getting older and accepting it so all good. My mum a dad broke up just after they adopted me but me and my 3 older brothers still see our dad. My step-dad now is a knob that drinks abit, has insecurities, likes to put me down and loves to argue but I egnore it now. Me, my mum a step-dad have moved house loadssss of times couse my mum cant ever settle but now where we are is the last time, I hope lol! In my teenage years I did alot of drugs a drink and 4 years ago went through a tramatic experiance with drugs. I had fiece anxiety attacks for agess everyday a then went depressed and has only took me up to last year to feel right. But now im at a stage finding myself and what im going to do in life. Im on the sick a dont work because I dont want to work and be hold down I just want to be free. But I do volunteery work in charity shops. I am a very good strong person, very spiritual, insightful, quite wise for my age and have alot of passion about things. But I do worry how I feel sometimes thats proberly due to what happened from the drugs or my biological mother, thinking im gonna go mad. But I really do help myself an make sure I am happy and make sure its not to late. But the way I feel at the mo is I think I have been listening to many peoples opions on things what is right a wrong. I mean I know what I want and who I am but also I cant make decisions on life if im lost. My plan not long ago was moving somewhere else in Wales living in a yurt on abit of land that me a my friends were gonna do but I dont think I can do that anymore if I feel lost at the mo. But then I get confused because my friend then turns round to me then and says well it sounds like your scared of living and if you dont do it now you wont ever!!! That does worry me but then I do think when I have found myself an know what I want to do I will get out there. I do really want to travel and meet new people. Also I am trying to love myself alot at the mo because I think thats really important. I noticed I have craved to have a boyfriend but now I think to myself I have to love myself before I can find my soulmate. So at the moment im just sitting at home in my bedroom being in silence being with myself and my thoughts also loving myself.
life has a strange way of working out and most folks tend to over analize life slow down and focus on what is the best path to chose that makes you the happiest live life to its fullest but dont injure your self along the way with the wrong drugs at 19 i was thrown into a music career that took me far but in the end i loved what i was doing but hated the celebrity status as i felt my life was no longer my own i had money sweet cars a nice house but i felt like a puppet to the industry i am now 45 retired and enjoy my life every day and feel comfort with myself just slow down and enjoy everyday make good choices and when the time is right you will know what it is that you realy want i dont no much about wales as im from the us but sounds like you need to put the past in the past and be the person you want to be in the now you cant change where you been or what has happened but you can choose were your going and how to get there love and peace be with you along the way
Thank you for that. I feel a lot better today. I'm really loving myself and just going with the flow. Not asking for other people's opinions and following myself.
