When I think of "hard times" in a relationship I think of uncontrollable factors that have an effect on the couple. For example financial problems, issues conceiving, housing problems, somebody getting fired.....you know stuff like that. I dont think of issues with personalities or compatability because that has more to do with who the couple is as individual people as opposd to things that are beyond their control. Where am I going with all of this? Well, my husband and I were going to separate but I couldnt afford my own place yet and the lease isnt up so we are still living together. We have kind of reconciled and things are pleasant between us but about 80% of the time I still want out. I figured that all of 2010 was horrible because of marital problems, he refused counseling, made fun of me when I said I wanted us to spice up our life with sex toys, made fun of me when I cried trying to tell him how I feel, ignored me for days at a time and then finally told me he wanted to separate. After the holidays things seemed a little bit better and he admitted to making up things (i.e. "You dont clean enough") to be irritated over when I told him that I dont feel important and he doesnt listen to me or support me. He said that he figured if I was going to be "that picky" he would be too. But then he admitted that he didnt care about whethor or not I clean. He still absolutley refuses to go to counseling and just doesnt know how to be there for me and support me. I still feel like nothing I say that has to do with me is all that important and I am still there for him and supporting him and listening to him. He even asks for my advice when picking out clothing. So, my mom told me the other day that my husband and I have only known "hard times" and that we should move to a new place together this summer for a fresh start. I do consider him to be a good buddy because we do have fun together but something is missing in terms of me having a life long partner. He just doesnt seem to know how to take an interest in other people and show them that he wants to hear what they have to say and that they are important. He is not rude or abusive...more like...nonresponsive and unemotional. Seriously........am I missing something here? Since when is being made fun of and ignored "hard times" in a marriage? How can we just get over that? I actually would like for things to work but seriously I cant get over how hard 2010 was. Last year was so fucked up because of him and I feel like I gave it an entire year. We have been married for three. When I say I gave it a year I mean that I tried to work on the marriage and these issues for a year.I want to be happy. I want to just talk to him without wondering if I'll get a response. All of our conversations are superficial. There is never really any substance. How much more time can I possibly give???? Sorry, random rant. Uugh...
That isn't hard times, thats your husband being a dick and not being sensitive to your feelings. You are right, hard times are things that effect a couple together, and a couple should be able to draw together and find strength in each other during hard times. It sounds like your husband isn't working with you but against you. If you guys moved, here is what would more than likely happen: you would find yourself in a new place without friends and family, without a husband you can count on to understand you and be your best friend. You'll find yourself completely isolated. Best of luck, I hope things work out for you and you find strength in yourself.
me and my lady broke up after a year and a half....we had/have a good relationship, but i miss my friends/family, and i need a job, so i have to move out of the small town i am currently living at and move back home...we just broke up a few hours ago and idk how i will deal with this....i feel your pain...kinda
you may want to see a relationship councilor unilaterally. you might be able to sort out for yourself whether or not you want to be with him.
Your situation sounds difficult, I'm sorry to learn of this for you. May you find peace and serenity soon. Peace and Blessings to you
I have brought that up many times and he said no. He agreed last summer and we made and appointment but couldnt be seen cause the insurance wouldnt cover it. After that he has refused and continues to refuse. I am getting my own counseling though and it has helped me through a lot of this.
