Hi! I hope I am on a good site to ask help with this..and i apologize if its a little graphic. Okay, So I've been trying to have anal sex with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He has always been very sweet and gentle about it. We have literally tried it over 30 times. I have tried EVERYTHING (literally)...TONS of lube, going slow, going fast, not having him put it all the way in, missionary position, doggy style, vasaline, different types of lube, whole bottles of lube, having him put a finger in first, a dildo in, a vibrator during, having him eat me out first, a massage before so im relaxed...i can go on forever. You guys get the drift, I've tried EVERYTHING! But I cannot get passed the fact that it hurts so damn much that we never get more than a few minutes of it. I cry, shake even sometimes. And i feel so bad because he does all this work to butter me up and relax me to get into it and then i still cant do it for him. Sometimes its a stinging pain which I'm sure is him splitting my ass open and the lube stinging it, and then there is this awful internal uncomfortableness that i just cannot get passed. I love my boyfriend and I really want to be able to enjoy this, and give this to him, i Just dont understand what im doing wrong. I honestly am at a loss of what to do or try. Does anyone have any advice besides "lots of lub and go in slow"? Or is that really all there is to it, and i should just fight through the pain? I would love to be able to enjoy this, but i cant. I mean, is it possible that my butt is just too small and it will forever hurt? I hope thats not true Any advice is appreciated. thanks so much! Laura <3
MY advice isn't all that different to the stuff you've already tried but it sounds like relaxation is still a huge problem. PLus there might be some pressure you're feeling to make it work *this time*. What I'd suggest is to have anal sex without the cock, that is, just do the prep work but only work with whatever's comfortable for you at the time, if that's one finger then so be it. Maybe two fingers and that's it. Just get in the habit of enjoying the sensation of something in your ass. So long as you're relaxed and not anxious. It might take longer (or never) before you feel comfortable with a full size dick but there's no substitute for taking it slow and only working with what feels comfortable at the time. I also have another suggestion - if he's eating you out first, don't have your orgasm before the anal penetration, your ass will tighten up quite a lot when you come.
Well first you need lube, plenty of it, then you have to start slow, he needs to stimulate your vagina while inserting his finger into your ass, Slowly. Once you relax it will be a very nice feeling. If you can associate that feeling when he puts it in your ass you're there. The key is to relax.
First of all, you need to break up with your boyfriend and move over to my neighborhood so I can be your anal lover. I have turned many anal virgins into anal whores, and not once have I met a girl who didn't like it the first time with me. Hell, I've even gone so far as to have stuck my whole hand in a girl's ass and spread her gaping asshole about 3" wide apart. Anal intercourse requires both physical and mental preparation. You have done the physical part well, but you are lacking the mental part. You are anxious and hesitant about anal sex, so you have not been ready. Assholes sometimes have minds of their own, but they can be easily persuaded. In your mind you must, without any mental reservation, eagerly want to get fucked in your ass. By doing that your brain will relax the tension in your sphincter muscles. Have you tried a bottle of wine before hand? I find that it often helps girls get into the anal mood, along with a little persuasion. You can try that. Also, have you tried enemas? They prove vital for your first time, because by flushing out your colon you completely remove the unconscious fear that you will encounter fecal matter in the sinister act. With your mind 100% convinced that there is no shit in there, it aids immensely to the necessary mental preparation (i.e., desire) you need. Girl, you need to fly over to California and spend a weekend with me. I'll turn you into an anal whore no problem.
Hi, i can totaly relate to this! i love anal sex and me and my bf do it often. Everytime we do it i get the pain and discomfort. Its like a stinging sensation and as if hes tearing it apart. I like the whole pleasure/pain thing and love it when my bf is rough with me and that turns me on and can honestly say you just have to get past the pain because once your past the initial 'getting it in' it will feel good. Mabe you are so used to the fact that it hurts so much so you build yourself up for it to hurt. Maybe try not think of the discomfort your going to experience but the pleasure you will get after!
Tooo Graphic Really doll.... It does sound like you want the physical aspect of it... But you are having a bit of emotional issues with Anal Sex... I can tell you that my BF and I have been ANAL only for almost a year now... Mind we have only been dating a year and a half... We had Anal Sex on our 2nd Date and from that point on Had Anal Sex almost every Time.... Sounds like your BF is being very understanding which is very important... Have you tried using a buttplug?? My BF got me one and I started wearing it for small amounts of time and now... I wear it almost all the time... It turns me on... I agree with Backdoor man... Wine can help you relax and if you are having issues with maybe not being clean... His suggestion was good... If you have a couple glasses of wine and sit in a warm bath ... and play with yourself maybe that would help to get you ready emotionally... Relaxing the outter sphinter muscle is easy, but your inner sphinter muscle is involuntary... you have to be prepared Mentally.... You have to relax... Don't try so hard... play and hopefully You can get your MIND right... Once you do I am sure you will completely LOVE it... Good Luck... oh BTW... the Black bottle of WET is an amazing Lube... it's just like vaginal sex... the first time may not be so comfortable... but just go slow and you will both love it...:love: I hope this helps... OMG... My BF has turned me into his ANAL Whore!!!:hurray:Again... Good Luck... Hang in there Girl... Please your man...
Tell yer bf you are uncomfortable. Be honest, and stop trying to please him if it causes you pain. I went through literally the same issue as you, but here's the thing; you dont NEED to please him that way, he can get over it if he really loves you. :cheers2:
True that. To the OP: Remember, you still have two other holes you can use to satisfy your boyfriend with. I mean, if you actually want to overcome this anal difficulty, then you'd have to take it really, really, really, rrreeeaaaalllllyyyyyy slow and make sure you're comfortable with each and every step you take. But really, it ain't no end o' da world if you can't enjoy anal sex. Whatever you do, you make sure it feels good to you.
The first thing you need to do is go back a few steps and stop trying to work with his penis, it's too much for you right now. You have NEVER had anything up your ass before, and then you try and jump straight to a dick? Of course it will hurt! I agree with Linehaul, you should try a set of beginner butt plugs that go from smaller to bigger, something like this: Something soft, like a set of jelly plugs will be best for you I think. What is causing you the pain is the your secondary sphincter is not dilated. It's about relaxing on a conscious level because the secondary sphincter is an involuntary muscle, and THAT is what is causing all the pain. By using the butt plugs and leaving them in during foreplay and vaginal sex this will give your secondary sphincter time to get the message that something big is in your anus and it needs to relax. As I said before, this cannot be done on a conscious level at first, it takes time to learn this. It's an autonomic response that develops once your body gets acclimated to anal stimulation, but for now you need to use the plugs to manually dilate your secondary sphincter. As you have more and more pleasurable experiences, your autonomic nervous system will learn to relax faster and faster the moment anal stimulation begins. It may take a few sessions with the plugs before you're able to work yourself up to the big one comfortably, which you will NEED to do BEFOREyou try his penis again. If not, it will hurt! Until you can take the big plug with no problems, just leave the small plug in your ass while you are having vaginal sex, so that way when you orgasm the plug will be in there stimulating you and you can see what anal pleasure really feels like without having to feel the pressure of needing to have full on anal sex, being nervous really contracts the anus as well. This will help a lot, positive reinforcement is a must. Also, if he's only eating out your pussy, that will not be sufficient. He needs to eat your ass as well. Analingus really helps to relax the anus before he uses the plugs. It's a good idea for him to eat your pussy and then eat your ass until you orgasm, so again you can build more positive experiences. The penis should be the last thing on the table right now. Stick to the tongue, fingers, and small plugs. Good luck.
Yes you need to prepare mentaly you need to relax and not think of your ass only .... And that is true you have other two holes to satisfy your boy
