I posted this in another forum not seeing this one before I did, and got no response hardly at all, and I need communication and interaction on this subject. Almost a month ago, I awoke this incredible energy in myself, through 3-4 years of meditation and energy circulation work, supplemented with dynamic meditations and more energy circulation work (Chi Kung, Qi Gong and associated disciplines), tai chi and walking meditations. THis has resulted in a sudden explosion of love/peace/joy energy in my life that could not be contained. I experienced the true yin and the yang in the course of one day, as I went from the deepest darkest most transformational depression I ahve ever went through to the most shining and happy and joy filled I have ever been in my life. I did not think I had it in me to feel this way. Yet I do, and it has stuck with me for almost a month now. I never danced in my entire life until this energy started coming on me, and when it exploded into me like it did, I could not stop dancing for 5-6 days straight. I came home and danced my ass off till 3-4 am every night and plumb wore everyone else out. I could not stop myself, I had to move around if music was on. I am lucky I did not lose my job lol. I finally grounded myself to the earth, and was able to come back down and tone it down a little bit, but it is still hard to control this energy thrumming through my body. It has helped to do some deep spiritual healing on a few people in our energy healing and shamanism class that really needed it. I am so thankful for this experience, but it has sort of isolated me, as people think I slipped over the edge a little bit lol However it has been a beautiful thing, and I am attempting to find balance by giving the wifey 30-45 minute energy massages every night and dissipating some of it through a vigorous exercise program. I am trying to balance myself, but this has awoken huge appetites in myself and the wifey is just not up to it lol. She is enjoying the influx of energy rubouts though. I feel there is going to be gives and takes with this newfound energy, but I also feel that it will all be for the better in the long run as it has done great things for my thought process and mindset in general. That mean little voice in my head has been replaced by my higher self, and he is a much nicer guy. I am so alone in this experience though. Honestly I did not really believe this was accessable to people other than tibetan monks and yogis and such, and I kept waiting for a big depressive downturn, but it remains strong in me, and I wake up thrumming with newfound positive energy. Once again, this is sort of all my own, and it is so special it kills me that I can't seem to share, but it comes through very nicely in the spiritual healing work I do. Once I learn to harness this energy and apply it as needed I think I will be capable of much more than I was prior to this event in my life. This has been such a special event that I memorialized it with a tattoo to represent the native american story of two dogs fighting for every man's heart. The one that wins is the one you feed the most. Three years ago at a very dark point in my life that brought me to meditation in the first place, I had my daughter design me a tattoo with the two dogs theme. Now that I am at the other side of the yin yang wheel, I revisited this idea with her again. This is her original artwork. Peace...
This is a great post! One comment. When it comes to spiritual realizations many people will eventually go through a "dark night of the soul". Don't let this get you down when it happens. Continue practice. You seem to have an enduring personality so I'm sure you will persevere. One question. Do you have a teacher? If not I would seek one out even if it is a mentor that you email online. They may be able to help you "harness" some of the energy. Congrats on the progress.
I have no complaint, other than I have nobody to talk to who can relate to this. I am feeling sort of seperated from everyone and that is kind of weird too, but no complaints. I have enjoyed this more than any drug I ever took, and that is saying something As a matter of fact I have quit playing with the psychedelics as I am afraid to alter this frame of reference with anything too mind altering. I have been under guidance of a great teacher for over three yrs now. Without the tools I have learned in our energy healing and shamanism class I would have not made it through the transformation I don't think. And that is the truth. As it was I thought I was having a psychotic break with reality, but it felt so good I could not go medicate it away with anti psychotic drugs. Peace and thank you for the replies...
Coopdog, This is seriously inspiring stuff. The bliss you are describing is real, as I've felt it as well, just not to the degree that you've experienced it. Mine lasted maybe a minute haha. I strive forward though, nonstop to get back there. I'm very happy for you! Enjoy it, but don't get too attached to it LOL! dwaparaKid
just checkin in, this has been one crazy ride, and I suspect I am changed forever. I have been in a state of peace and joy for the last two months or more, and it has been an incredible thing. I turned this vast energy back to healing the mother, as my Earth Healing hasa been the backbone of my entire spiritual practice, and may have been the reason I was gifted this gift, so I have been applying it back by putting this peace/love/joy energy back into the mother. I am still dancing from time to time, and there are days I am so full of crackling energy that if I had a tail I would be waggin it! It has been an incredible experience, and I got a awesome tattoo to commemorate it. It has a big ferocious looking black and white dog facing away from one another, and it comes together in a yin yang symbol on the bottom and the words "Two Dogs" underneath to commemorate the native american story of every man having two dogs fighting for his heart, and the one that wins is the one you feed the most. The tattoo was perfect, and was my daughters artwork to top it off. I have experienced the true yin and yang with this. I wanted to remember how I felt at this time in my life forever. Peace...
YOU! I have been looking for you. I am experiencing this now! Here is a post I just made in my search for something.. "I have been trying for a new paradigm--one of unity, peace, love--and a new purpose, for about 5 years now. Now I am in the Army and what I initially thought could be mental illness I suspect is an awakening. In the past, I had always written off ideas of 'energy healing' and 'light bodies' etc; however, the feelings I am having now are only eased by these kind of practices. Feelings like: overwelming emotions (esp. love, joy, awe), intuition of being led by a greater 'intelligence', purpose, as well as physical symptoms . . outward pressure from chest with varying intensity, 'crawling' anxious feeling in back, shoulders, neck and back of head. This intense physical sensation intensifies into a panic attack (maybe?) at times with increased breathing, heartrate, blood pressure. Like a reaction to stress. Makes sense. It feels as though my body from the abdomin upwards is splitting and giving way to an unseen.. sensation of a 'tree' or just the feeling of something reaching from my chest outwards through my head and up and into.. everything! This feeling truly began to intensify 7 days ago, though it has maintained a subtle presence for years. Now I have done a few meditations I have found on youtube and the like, but I need guidance. Last night I did a third eye meditation and felt as if this process, as I view it, entered a new phase at that time. This feeling involved that pressure from the back of my head moving forward behind my eyes, but at this time has recessed to the base of my skull. Yesterday, before this happening, I experienced more of a pain/headache than the mere discomfort I had been experiencing from that pressure. As I said, I am in the military and I am having a really hard time finding anyone who understands what is happening. This includes medical (mental/behavioral health) personnel as well as peers and the internet community. That said, I have found encouragement primarily in the work of Alex Grey. Many of his portrayals are what I am experiencing and I am very hopeful regarding all of this. There is more I could say but for now I want to know if anyone can help. I see that this is a personal journey and in the end I am the only one making it but there must be somebody with information. I want to know that I'm going about this in the right way. If nothing else it will ease my mind. Now I am at the point where I cannot properly function day-to-day and will need to be admitted to the hospital, mostly for my own sake so I can focus on what is happening, but also by way of being observed and evaluated further by medical professionals. I need something. A reference. A guru. Something. But I know, in the end, this is happening for a reason and so must work out perfectly. I have faith, hope, and love for the ever wise mechanics of the universe. These things ease my mind." thanku
Well written posts. I thank you all for this. I was intrigued by the use of kundalini in the title as I have lived kundalini energy for 30 of my 45 years. I want to make a caveat however regarding kundalini and that is, if you have not had the indelible vision of kundalini as the snake unwinding and raising her head and hissing a spacetime of white shakti then you are merely guessing that kundalini is involved here. There was a time I might have made the same mistake, until I had the vision, and since then I have known that kundalini is at play. Kundalini wasn't always an enjoyable experience. For the first three years after I got initiation into her I had a constant headache in my forehead, and at no point in that time did it ever go away even a bit. I also felt like I was on fire. At first I felt I was in hell, but then nearing the end of the three year rough patch it turned into bliss. At night I could hear my nervous system and brain synapses firing like machine guns - actually just like the sounds of clicking a hard drive makes, or used to make, all night long as my thoughts developed in an internescine area of the brain, making new pathways or convolutions. At the same time my mind was entirely conflicted between extremes of everything. I felt like I was carrying the cross of Jesus, and crucified in the present without any firm place to rest. I walked a tightrope. I had claravoyant visions at times. I had claraudience at times. All this has gone away except for the bliss which is now a tolerable steady stream of inner peaceful spacetime away from material changing spacetime. At times since that initiation I have overindulged myself in drugs and booze and sex and other dulling things to tamp down my energy or otherwise my mind would change too fast for living the resemblance of a real life. If you have this kundalini then you'll know what I am saying. Through the agency of kundalini you can easily alllow everything to be swept up into a transcendental state which appropriates it all and changes its vibration and then it all changes, again, and again, and again, and then what thoughts and mental state you began with is within the space of practice, something entirely different. That is a hard way to live life. never becoming accustomed to anything for any length of time. One needs to feel that their thoughts have some weight from which to act. After my headache and original addaptation went away I did become brahmachari and lived amongst a group of like minded celibate kundalini yogis, and at that time I was focussed solely on deepening the experience and so at that time the total bliss of kundalini came forth and I did feel like doing somersaults and dancing all the time and I instead focused on weight training and hatha yoga and dance as a hobby, including ballet, jazz, moderm, and others. I used the physical to try to display the internal solid state bliss which I had developed through a very pure and sattvic lifestyle. Did I mention I was at the Maharishi University in Iowa, living amongst the celibate men's group called Thousand Headed Purusha? In addition to all this I studied three years classes equivalent of Sanskrit in six months, as well as the variety of Vedas and Darshanas including Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, Jaimini Sutra, and Badariyana sutras. I was in a very structured environment for this sort of thing. That all changed when I graduated and moved to New Orleans for the rest of my life until present, some 25 years ago. Integrating into the largely tamasic or impure society called for a drastic rerendering of my views of pure/impure, but what ultimately developed was a more profound stability for the kundalini experience, as well as an actual life. To this day now, a month retreat will dissolve me to the point where I will lose individuality to the degreee that I will literally run screaming back to the city and my home. And my wife and friends. And it's all good. I don't think I could have attained that realization of It's all goodness, without having gone through all that I have gone through. Along the way I have developed depression and gone to psychiatrists, and used both drugs and medicines in both useful and abusive ways. I have changed to Buddhist at some point when I thought being Buddhist would make me more careful about my motivations and actions and I learned to check my interest in things as depending upon my intention towards them and act upon the better intentions and forget the worser ones. At some point I learned that it didn't matter what outwardly I called myself as it would all be washed away by intermediacy of transcendence through whichever practice I engaged, since none of them are inseparable from kundalini. I also became a sceptic of others who originate themselves as kundalini practitioners because I never practiced kundalini, it just showed up and dug in, or opened up, and there it has remained. I am it. It is me. We are one. And I am an agent of that kundalini, to the degree that I just let go and relax. Not all people have that experience. I was part of a Jyotish group where they checked people's charts who had major kundalini episodes and more frequently than any other Jyotish yoga the placement of Ketu in Scorpio is a significator that one may well be a kundalini adept from past lives. Mine is as such. I didn't make this up, but rather someone who figured it out came to me since I had described my experiences to others and sure enough Ketu in Scorpio, house placement is not important. Okay back to the dialogue at hand. from reading, and I am not able to be certain, I am really just intuiting what I intuit, Coopdog writes like I may have felt during the best days of my kundalini/meditation lifestyle, before I burned out, became vain, was stripped of my egoic pleasure in being adept, and before I came back to Earth. But I don't mean that in a bad way as it was a tremendously empowering time in my life. I remember joking with other like minded persons and we would layer puns five deep in conversations and really revel in being hugely intelligent. That was a profound time. And drug free. I hadn't done drugs since I learned to meditate at 14, and I was then now 20. Erossnj sounds like he has more psychophysiological dimensions with the panic and such. The brain transmitters which provoke sensations of bliss exist in the digestive tract, the CNS and the brain. Serotonin must by necessity play an active role in even kundalini experiences as while we have a body nothing, even so called out of body experiences can be said to exist in a vacuum free of bodily sensation. I always laugh at the notion that people have after death experiences when they are in fact the near death experfiences of the body. The body cannot translate death to life. It just cannot happen. I make no conclusion here but have just shared what I know. I cannot know what you two are experiencing. I wish I could say reach out and make peers through the internet, but I suspect any net developed guru or lama or master or teacher. I especially revile persons parading as open minded and all encompassing and then finding they are from a very picky lineage without much proof or definition. Kundalini remains one of those catch all terms for the whackiest and least definite experiences. I always ask myself what person in their right mind would in fact become a guru or teacher of one of the least able to define experiences in life, and what egos they must have. I think they are all fake. So again I always say, if it's kundalini then did you witness what the tantras have specified as kundalini in some claravoyent way, or do you feel the discomfiture of trying to integrate the nonintegratable. Are you on fire. Is there gross discomfort. Is your mind developing a third way of experiencing things, which is not a safe way of experiencing and you don't know where it's all going? If the experience is fully under your control then it's pretty sure not kundalini. Again I am not judging. What do you all think of what I said?
Well, I wish I had paid attention to this thread as it looks like I got some answers finally. Chodpa, I am fairly certain that kundalini is indeed what I am dealing with, and it is indeed a rollercoaster ride. From the first week or so that this overtook me, I started drinking... a lot to bring this energy down to a manageable level. I thought that the whiskey was making me more balanced, but I finally realized I was pursuing a slow suicide trying to get away from my responsibility to myself. As I was finishing the book I just got published on changing your mindset and creating your own reality, I realized I was writing a self help book, and that I had indeed failed in my responsibility to myself, so I cleaned up and pulled it together. I found that I am so full of energy that I am indeed on fire, and I am conscious about 23 hours a day now without the alcohol. I lay down and rest when I should be sleeping, but I spend my nights in a semi-conscious state where I dip in and out of a lucid dreaming state in which I do all sorts of interesting things that are not really restfull at all. My synapses are indeed clicking away just as you describe, and I feel like doing ninja kicks off the rafters when I am at work and have my music on. Upon the awakening of this energy, I felt and percieved the serpent uncoiling up my back. It was a very bizarre thing to experience, and I would have driven myself straight to the nearest psych ward if I had not been pursuing just this for the last 5 yrs or so. The time I spent drinking it down to a manageable level shames me to the core as I feel I wasted precious moments when I should have been developing spiritually instead of trying to dampen it with whiskey. THis has indeed been a rollerocoaster ride, and it has been scary and beautiful at the same time. My book details the pieces of different disciplines that I felt were effective in facilitating this change, and is written in a general sense for the beginning practitioner, who can find further resources in other places if something resonates with their inner being. IMHO I feel that having a vision of a coiling serpent is something subjective and different with everyone as is anything we perceive. I felt it coming up my back and then it blew the top of my head off and let in the peace/love/joy of the universe. I think my low points are because the rest of the world is caught up in the day to day negativities and they keep intruding on my own perceptions and bringing me back to the lower plane where we wallow in self pity instead of dance in the light. All in all this has been a phenomenal thing to go through, and prompted me to write it down and try to show others the path that led to it, for me anyhow. I very much envy your being able to go to that school and focus your entire being on the pursuit of this energy. What an experience that must have been! For myself, I had to keep going to work where I am lucky I was not drug tested and fired, as marijuana was part of keeping my sanity (or so I thought) through this experience. Now I ahve been clean and sober for 7-8 weeks and I am in a state of exhaustion from not sleeping, but I hope that this is temporary and just due to my nightly intake of generous amounts of smoke and whiskey, and the lack thereof now. I am not sure if I can keep the sobriety up if I am unable to rest, though I find that I am able to perform better than I have ever done before despite my lack of true sleep. The one thing that really bothers me is the inflammation in my joints from lack of sleep. I find on the rare nights that I get as much as 4 hrs of good sleep the inflammation is almost completely gone that next day, so I need to find a non-intoxicating way to get some sleep, as it seems my meditations just go on and on all night long now whether I want it to or not. Peace and love...
