i'm a young college-student aged guy, and really for the last year or so i have just been having terrible luck as far as meeting girls that i am interested in having relationships with. i don't know if there are really any words that can help, but maybe hearing a fresh perspective will help me to look at things in a new light. i think, that the biggest issue, is that almost every girl i am interested in, decides that they want me as one of their best friends... for example, i dated this girl a while back but she held off on really devoting herself to our relationship because she said she didn't want to risk losing me as a friend. which ruined our relationship, and then, ironically, resulted in ruining our friendship. i thought that maybe i had finally met someone shortly after that, but guess what? she was just reaching out to meet new friends, which, met my attempts at finding a girlfriend! it's getting so frustrating, that i have had to distance myself from pretty much all of my female friends. i've never been in a serious relationship before, and it's too easy to develop feelings for girls that want to be close friends. i'm even getting to the point where i am considering just barring my friendship with all girls until i meet someone. my lack of love life is really getting in the way of all aspects of my life. it is making me retract socially. i don't feel like hanging with friends as much anymore, partying is no fun anymore, and even concerts are beginning to become lackluster. these are all things that i thoroughly enjoy, but take the backseat to finding a partner. this is even preventing me from reaching for goals that i have, because i don't want to persue any more of my life goals until i have had a serious relationship. i want to move on with my life, but most of all i just want somebody to love... it might not be so bad if 90% of the girls i meet wouldn't reject me and then proceed to try to be friends with me. what the fuck? this is all just draining me emotionally, and spiritually..
I think your placing to much importance in the situation. Its consuming your mind and directing your thoughts. Try to not care as much, let be what will be, and you could find that special someone in the events you say have become lackluster out of sheer coincidence. Bonus points if you were not even looking at the time ^.^
it sounds like we have a good amount in common. my advice is basically just to not worry so much about it. a relationship would be nice, but there's other things to enjoy in life, so enjoy those things instead of being miserable about the one thing you don't have. also, be an asshole. that makes girls not want to befriend you, while at the same time making them want to jump on your dick.
This can work, so long as you're not offensive about it. I get called either miserable, sarcastic or both- but women often find something in it. Nice guys do actually finish last.
Better record than mine. Is there a problem with loving a best friend. Love the one your with. If you want sex, that is something different. I noticed you have quite a few wants. When we are inconsistent with our efforts, our effects are diffuse. Desos, you will have a relationship of the kind that you want and it will probably happen when you are not expecting. I started out like you, seeming always to end up the counselor to other peoples relationships but I got over that when I started concentrating on being competent in my own efforts at day to day things. Girls are security conscious it helps to have a job or demonstrate that you can support yourself. The fact that you are in a state of longing demonstrates to the world, at least subliminally, that you are not secure in yourself. If you can demonstrate some skill, some competency, you will attract from corners you're not even looking at. If there is one thing I think it important to understand is that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and the grass is not greener somewhere else. If we don't go within and find it, we go without. This moment is always as good as it gets.
really what i want is a relationship, but i still wouldn't reject casual sex either. well, yes. loving a best friend is just a very limbo place to be, trying to balance between eachother's needs and your friendship. it's not always bad, but it can make things more difficult and frustrating. which is why, except for unique cases, i would opt for either just having a relationship, or nothing at all.
I had similar problems when I was growing up. The majority of my friends have always been girls. I think guys are just immature and I don't find them to be fun to hang around for the most part. And, being a guy, I let the friendship get ruined by then beginning to "like them". I went to college and in my 3rd year I became a Resident Assistant because it allowed me to live on campus for free. (I had been a commuter til then) On move in day I finished moving in and decided to walk around to meet some of the RA's in the building next to mine. (I was in an all-male building and we were connected to an all-girl building.) I went to every RA's room and they were all closed, nobody there. Then I went to the last one. She was there with her door open. I knocked and here we are 17 years later (married 13 of them) and just found out baby #4 is coming (hence the screen name). Point of the story is, stop putting so much pressure on yourself and trying to force a relationship that isn't there. People like dating someone who is confident. The last thing most people want is to take on someone who is high maintenance and requires a lot of work. You can still be nice and confident at the same time. Don't chase every cute girl that is out there, give them a reason to chase you. You are obviously a caring person with a lot to offer. The right girl will see that when you are least expecting it and before you know it you will be married with kids and wishing for the days when you were single with no attachments. If you want casual sex you can go to your local Craigslist ads and find someone there. They have just sex ads and other ads with people looking for a real relationship. Maybe you will have your needs met there. Good luck!
Do you think you might have given the girls you mention mixed signals? Now you're a "friend", now you're a potential fuck-buddy, now you're a potential boyfriend; etc.
hmm that's a good point. i hadn't really thought of that before. in some cases, yes, but that isn't to say that i havn't also recieved my share of mixed signals. thanks for the advice though everyone. i guess i just need more patience, i don't know. it's just gets very tiring because i have been in this situation for years now.
Your enjoyment of life needs to come first before a relationship, because it's that happiness that you want to bring into the relationship not take out of it.
haha "values me too much as a friend" so glad I've never been told this from any woman ever. You men in the friend zone are like a sub-species to me.
a guy with a bunch of female friends has a better chance of meeting all those female friends' female friends, especially when these females see you as not being too aggressive in pursuit, whether you're trying to be a boyfriend or a dog. relax a little, enjoy the company of your female friends, don't worry about making a relationship too much. unfortunately, you have to go through alot of quantity to find much quality. earn a group of women's trust and you can have a blast going out with them while looking for the right one. my girlfriends are alot more fun to hang out with than yer guy friends, especially if dancing is involved, yes?
that seems rather conceited. yea it can be. i have gotten alot better at dancing with women over the course of the past year or so. but sometimes it can be nice to just go out with the guys too. they both have their own merits. mostly it's just sexually and emotionally frustrating having to be close friends with women in general. especially if i am not careful and just treating them as a friend i have found myself in the past filling in emotional gaps that are created by their bad relationships. which i just feel like supports bad behavior while using me as a crutch. sometimes i just don't understand why if we have such a good friendship that it can't become something more. nowadays i usually just keep my distance and i only really hang out with a few girls aside from occasional parties and seeing some of my friend's g/fs. i'd really almost rather spend time with one of my friends g/fs than one of my good female friends because it eliminates the opportunity for us to have a relationship. while i really value my friendships there comes a time when i need to start having some of my needs met beyond that of just a friendship. maybe i'm just depressed.
Damn near every time I've put forth more than a modicum of effort into pursuing a woman, it turns to shit and nothing comes of it. I often think to myself, "I could've saved x amount of money and time and just jerked off or hung out with friends and had a far better time". My point? Quit stressing over it. They'll come along eventually, one way or another. Blind pigs and all...
