Why do so many women like to "fix" guys?

Hey guys It's been a Looong time since I have posted here, but I'm messed up and have decided to return, firstly for a vent and in the coming days to share some of my experiences many of which are awesome, funny and thrilling but one thing has been bugging me for a long time, so please forgive the emo post (I do prefer to share the happy/exciting times) and thankyou for those willing to read through all my drivel (If any of you are able to )

All too often I see stunning women, in both personality, looks and spirit with total tools, who constantly take them for granted and sap the spirit and joy from them. I just ask myself why?
I myself once took a woman’s love for granted and I can't forgive myself, nor do I ever intend to. It's a lesson I learned hard, and I think it made me a better person. By being so thoughtless, the pain I caused makes it impossible to be able to do it again.

I commonly hear female friends of mine complain about such huge flaws in their partners. "He cheats" "He lies" "He never listens" "He does not care" I just ask myself and them "Why are you with him" The only responses I get from them are that they;

A: Just love them, and they don't know why
B: Because they are perfect in every other way and if I could just change this HUGE flaw they would be perfect.

Why try to fix what should have been able to fix itself? Why put up with so much crap?

I myself was one of those guys, willing to lie to get into a girls bed. Cheat and feel no remorse. Jump out of windows, running from angry Jewish fathers with a golf club (You know a Jewish man is REALLY angry when he throws his little hat onto the ground... Plus you know the golf club thing). As this person so many more women were willing to give me their hearts.

I just ask why?

My last partner cheated on me left me for someone who constantly abused her verbally and psychologically, destroyed many of her close friendships and broke us apart with lies. I have also just discovered that while she was with me, he sexually assaulted her. I would do something but how would I prove it? He has no respect for women, he is scum, but yet she wants to fix him, she is still with him. Which has lead me to my current low point.

In the "real world" I am nothing but the comedian, I could never let anyone see the "real me". In public I HAVE to be the funny guy, the one who sleazes around having meaningless sex. I don't lie I never lead on women that I want a relationship anymore, I am clear about what I want now.

I have many friends and three close male friends who are like brothers to me. They are some of the best people I know or have ever met, they are not unattractive, and they are single. There is very little to fix in them. I find this very sad, that the "good ones" Seem unappealing to the masses, not that I am totally a “Good one” or talking about myself in this reference.

This may seem strange to many people here, as from what I remember this community is much less judgemental than most. It just it saddens me to see what so many modern women (and maybe men, I can’t speak for all of us) see in a potential partner. I think "Project" would seem a much better word than Partner in today’s world. Or perhaps Pipe dream?


Anyway, I would love to hear what you Women and Men have to say on the topic, does it also happen the other way around do men just want to fix as well? Am I just surrounded by the wrong people?

Sorry for the emo ramble I should be back to my happy self soon. I’m just messed up on Weed, Valium, Oxycodone, Cypro Doxylamine, Dihydrocodeine and Alcohol (Not a good mix I know, but as I said this is my lowest time of all) which is probably the only reason I’m even writing this at all.

Feel free to tear this apart and slam my point of view. Let me know what you think. Have relationships become taking someone like clay filled with glass, something to mould to exactly what you want, while it can only hurt you? (Sorry for horrifically cheesy simile).

I understand not all are like this; some relationships do seem to be honest, true to each other and happy to compromise. But to me is seems like more and more people are willing or wanting to put themselves and others through hell to get their final “Product”

 

i think this is an issue made worse by most people's ignorance of history. most people are not looking for good qualities in a mate. handsomeness only has value in a society that rewards it, where strength and endurance (natural, not roid induced) would have great value genetically in a hunter/gatherer society. we dont usually have to flee now, so its less important, while good thinking skills are very valuable, but not looked upon that way. a mate should be chosen for their contribution to offspring. love is a function to keep us attached to our mate and children until the children can make it on their own. we have weak babies, they cannot even flee a predator at birth.

i love my hubby more than i hate his flaws. even when im mad when he walks in the door, im still happy to see him. i will remind him of his flaws when it is appropriate, but i dont push him to change. toilet seat is still left up, dirty socks are scattered about until ' do i have any clean socks?' comes up. theyd be clean if they landed in a laundry pile. the biggest flaw my hubby has is that hes prone to being irrational, and from what ive observed, its genetic. it totally runs in his family. so, when hes being irrational i point it out to him. we communicate with each other as well, and while honest conversations have sometimes led to fights, they dont as often anymore. sometimes we start out heated, and instead of ending with slamming doors, we end up trying to find solutions.

there is no class in school for what to look for in a partner. whose parents ever taught them that? its just left up to kids to figure it out, and with so many dysfunctional families to base their observations on, most kids dont grow up knowing that you can be happy, and make good choices. my dad fell in love with my mom when i was a baby. my father was kind of an ass (from what i understand, knowing only one side of the story + observations of my father, who can kind of be an ass.) my mom followed love, and that was the house i grew up in. when i switched custody, i felt less loved and appreciated, so i switched back. i think i even said that i wanted to live where i was loved for who i am, without conditions. so i did.
its not my job to change others, just to be an example. to offer honest and constructive criticism to help others better themselves. yet how do we (society) react to criticism? angrily, violently, we push it away, put up walls, and say 'i dont have to change, you are wrong, where do you get off telling me what to do?' when we should take that criticism and (oh my god) think about its implications. hey, maybe i should try harder to do that, is that really how my behavior appears to others? some people criticize to be mean and unproductive, those should be taken with a grain of salt, but people who honestly want to help should not be shut out.

like so many issues, i feel it boils down to a societal problem. the venus project guy said something to the effect that you cannot blame people for cultural flaws. white supremacists were raised that way, its not really their fault they turned out that way. materialistic bimbos were raised by a culture that rewards that behavior.

 

Women are too emotional/not rational enough when it comes to love.

 

Oversimplified but i have to agree from my experience.

If you girls don't like it, change my mind.

 

'Women are over-emotional and irrational' is my answer to most every gender issue :afro:

 

They also have '50 new sex tricks to please your guys' '20 things your man says and what they really mean' '30 ways to improve a relationship' etc. shoved down their throats in every single magazine that's geared towards them.

 

Yeah.. but who are the ones shoving those down their throats?

 

???

 

Women are crazy, men are stupid. It all boils down to that.

 

Most writers and editors of female magazines are women. (Been like that since the feminist wave of the 60s)

I mean, that's akin to saying guys get porn and sports shoved down their throats.

Such magazines are a part of female culture; as such things are a part of male culture.
You can't blame the media as much as those of the gender groups that perpetuate such media.

 

You don't think that influences some of the male machismo?

 

But who is causing it?

It's not like women go around "boys, you need to watch more football and double penetration".

Hence,

 

It doesn't matter, I was responding to the title of the thread. If a woman gets advice from other women in a magazine with a link to some obscure study that tells her how to fix her relationship or whatever, it very well may have some influence on her.

 

But it's asking why women do it.. essentially, you're just saying "pfft, that's just what they do"

I mean, if I asked why men go to war; "because their general ordered them to" isn't much of an answer.

 

:coffee: LOL ok duck

 

sometimes i get the feeling that most women are walking around with the ideal man in there head for awhile, they don't find him, so They change their ideal a bit, still don't find it... Eventually they get tired of compromising their ideal and meet a guy they like a lot and really wanna be with despite his flaws... then after a while they get bored, up pops that old ideal again, along with the memories of constantly changing it, errr... So they try to change our personality of whatever to their ideal, rather than compromising their ideal again and again, must get tiring..

I'd be funny if there is any truth to this, since i never talked to any women about it, just an opinion i have gathered from observing.

 

Sounds sorta likely.

Just imagine a guy telling his wife she needs to get bigger breasts :tongue:




Actually, maybe that's what that Bridalplasty show is all about

 

well men are probably guilty of far worse...

 

I like when they fix me up with money.. Cause....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN-4lX0QyZc"]YouTube - David Lee Roth - Just A Gigolo

 

Wow! So many of you have raised such good points that make sense to me.
Mother’s love your comment about the Venus project, has this become a cultural trait? I hope not. Unfortunately for the modern world everything even our culture is presented to us by our lords the media.

Perhaps it is the modern mass media montage of the Disney’s "Perfect Man" Figure. As well as the onslaught of how to "Fix" your relationship with these steps (Thank you guerillabedlam). Making women feel as if a good partner can ONLY be MADE or MOULDED, not found through getting to know someone, meeting different people, mixing with other crowds or god forbid talking!

With the "Perfect man" only being able to be obtained by moulding a man who is broken/abusive or who she is downright incompatible with. How many Romantic comedies work with that very premise...80% … 90%? Beautiful women meet handsome man who hates the sight of her and is horrible to her and everyone else. He hates the world and everything in it, but she opens him up into the wonderful man that is always just beneath the surface. Sounds very familiar to me. Leading to everyone over thinking what potential someone has, while destroying their self confidence, thus leading to the choosing of a flawed partner almost on purpose to fix up into their Disney counterpart.

Perhaps it stems from dropping of self confidence among women. The average woman sees herself far less attractive now as opposed to before photoshopped sticks with an inch of makeup were flaunted at us as the "Norm" Maybe women with their now lowered self esteem are willing to take something lesser, because that’s all they think they are worth. With the notion “I can fix him later".

Now I don't want to be viewed as sexist, perhaps us men do this as well. I just have not seen it as much with the people I hang around. We men have our own flaws, prejudices and judgemental ways. However I can at least understand them. I understand why some men date super skinny bimbos. They’re hot. I don’t think it’s a great way to choose a partner, in fact it annoys me. However, I UNDERSTAND THEIR REASON, it's shallow but I get the thought process.” I want something hot".

However I cannot understand "I want something broken"