It’s something in the way That she rests her head upon my shoulder How it fits perfectly As the beautiful smell of her long brown hair Graces my nostrils It’s something in the way That her name brings a smile to my lips How it rolls off the tongue The best sound on earth It’s something in the way Those brown eyes warm my darkest days Soothing me In my time of need It’s something in the way That I replay our greatest moments spent together Over and over On a blissful loop in my head A night in spent watching movies A Sunday afternoon making love A road trip to nowhere in particular It’s something in the way That her lips tempt me so Begging me Screaming at me To kiss them It’s something in the way That she says I love you That makes me Say it back
... post a picture of you and your love with ci0616 written on your foreheads. If I was in love with you all these writings would surely make me fall out.
I think it would work better with a different title. I don't like the flow at these parts; might work better if the lines were attached Like: Soothing me, in my time of need or even: Soothing me-- in my time of need Overall; sure it's a little cliche, but it's effective. A heart warming poem that shows promise
I'm sorry you feel that way, but could you please give me more insight as to why? Is there something wrong with the actual writing or do you just not care for mush? Because if that is the case, i can identify. I'm not in the habit of writing mushy love poems, but lately life has called for them. I'd be glad to hear your thoughts on all of it.
Thanks! I admit that I have some playing around to do with this poem, and really, everything anyone writes is just a WIP, at least thats how I view it. But thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated as always.
This poem is beautiful. With a little editing, it'll be perfect...for instance, "nostrils" isn't very poetic. "Graces my senses" would sound a little better or something of the like. Overall, I think it is a beautiful story, though.
