Until I'm prettier, I don't want to date.

I don't have low self-esteem or anything. I think I'm very beautiful, considering how poorly I've treated by body over the years. I was raised in a household where we ate bags of chips with every meal and had to be REMINDED that water was drinkable when we ran out of soda. I grew up getting picked on for having poor hair/skin, and being overweight. It took me until I was a preteen to realize that how you treat, what you eat, how often you bathe, etc., plays a big part on your appearance.

Somewhere around the time I started getting my period, I started washing regularly, and eating a vegetable occasionally. I also stopped being a lazy shit. From ages 13-18, I went from weighing 230 pounds to 165. That's how much I weigh now. I'm still a bit overweight, but I'm working it off slowly, since I have other things to worry about that are time-consuming and don't leave me much room to obsess over my looks.

Thing is, I want a man who wants a girl who is clearly active and has very good hygiene. Looking at me, you're not going to get that message. My belly hangs down past my jeans unless I pull them up to the point where I'm getting a wedgie, or buy them a bit big. I still snack, drink very little water (though more than I use to) and am extremely lazy. Extremely. I often neglect to apply lotion, which leaves my skin dry and kinda ashy on most days. To be honest (and nobody knows this but you guys), I sometimes will skip showers for as long as I can get away with.

A guy who can accept all these things is nuts, in my opinion. You know what? Wrong choice of words. They're not nuts. They just don't share my opinion of how a person should treat themselves. And I can't be with someone who doesn't share my views on such things. I know I'm a hypocrite; I also don't want a man who wants a hypocrite. I think a person's tastes in others reflects what kind of person they are. I'm picky and am not willing to settle for less than as CLOSE to perfect as an individual can accomplish. If you're not even trying, I don't want you. I KNOW I'm not trying; why would you want me?

People in my life see me as setting myself up for a lose-lose situation; I'll only want a man who is repulsed by me. Truth is though, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. There are still things distracting me from taking care of myself the way I want to. From looking the way I want and being the person I want to be. I sure as hell don't want to be in a relationship.

But am I being fair to guys who may have feelings for me? I'm not very experiences in the "love" area; everyone I've thought I loved, I loved in very different ways. Maybe if you love someone, none of the physical stuff matters? But I WANT someone who feels the physical things matter, at least a little. At least enough to not want to be with me while I'm fat. >_< NOT SAYING THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH FAT GIRLS. It's just... not my thing. And not what I want to be. I want to wait for someone who's going to want the beautiful me, not willing to settle for the current me.

Thoughts? Am I just rambling, or am I making sense here?

 

there's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for a relationship until you are the best person you can possibly be. Thats smart. If more people were smart like you there wouldn't be so many failed relationships

 

So, you don't want a man who would accept a person who doesn't care for themselves (you-by your own definition) because you believe that people should care for themselves and that people should want to be with people who care for themselves.

I'd worry less about what you want others to want and instead focus on things that will improve your quality of life. I mean that in the absolute nicest way possible.

 

x2

What made you bring it up though?

 

You aint rumbling, you are just a woman. Confused, without any logical reason, full of shifty talk. Please don’t get offended. I talk to all women like that, and most of ones that I fuck, enjoy it...

I wish for you, to find real man who will fuck the shit out of you. Who will show you new meaning of life, who will be reason for your breath. Who will occupy your mind 24/7? When you find man, who will treat you as you as woman really want to be treated, you will do what ever you possibly can so he would be more satisfied.

I had girls to drop weight, to chase me, to stock me, and much more...

I wish for you to find really man who knows how to control girl emotions. You will be happy then. If not happy, at least, you will be satisfied.

Regards, OldFling

 

I think you've got it backwards personally. I think that if you are looking for guys who just want you because you're hot, you're in for a few years of getting cheated on, dating shallow jocks, and basically being a whore for drunken frat boys who are after the next curvy piece of ass as soon as you're not physically with them.

I think if you were lucky enough to find a man who loves you the way you are right now, then you would be very happy, because this is the real you. And if you were to be with him, and then lose weight and look the way you want to look, he would be happy for you and he would love you still, and you would be sexy, and you would be loved for more than just being sexy.

You say you don't want a guy to "settle for you", but why are you so excited to settle for a guy who just wants you for your looks? You say you are new at this love and relationship thing, that's fine, but surely you understand that there is more to a relationship than looks? That kind of partnership isn't going to last the first hiccup it comes across. Do what you will, but in my opinion, you will regret thinking this way.

 

Don't be like my ex-wife. Eating almost nothing but diet pills to stay thin. She would gain a pound or two and freak out over it. I told her she was beautiful all the time, and I meant it. But she just got worse, and ate more pills anyway. If she was bulimic she hid it well.

I still miss her to this day, but my aim is improving. <JK

She used Dexatrim, and she now 'claims' using those, and starving herself is what made her mental. But I don't know.

 

this resonates with me deeply. i was bullied and abused as a teenager, and my self esteem was low

i changed. i used to be untidy, not showered, and later overweight - generally i didn't look after myself.

but i then got in shape and learned to present myself correctly, to my last girlfriends annoyance. she was the a big reason as to why i looked so dreadful, and as vein as people figured i was

i dumped her lazy ass because it was dragging me down. be the best you can be and there's no reason why you shouldn't expect the same commitment in others. eat well, sleep well and exercise for a healthy body and mind.

my current fling is a girl i know from circuits, and we go about three times a week.

 

Gawd fuck me, Foley, it's

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-tbkD5PiPo"]YouTube - Fabio's Time for Romance

 

I think it would be better to have a guy that accepts you flaws and all. No one is perfect.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4gHNMECx1M"]YouTube - Fabio the most beautiful man in the Cosmos!

 

When you become as pretty as you can be and are still not happy, what happens then?

Acceptance of self, warts and all is what makes a person shine from the inside out. It is a beauty that is not measurable.

 

I pop a lot of shit couse I can back it up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQiRtJ6uumk

ps. How to put video like that?

 

"and when you touch their knuckles, it is like passing your hands around their knees"
:svengo:

lol

Copy and paste the URL. You may have to be a member first for it to work though.

 

Iam also african american and its great to see others on the site.. Dont beat your self up over it really i will add yo to my yahoo its phishhead131

 

I'd love to be in better shape when I "date" but it seems I only meet people in this ugly state. *shrugs*

 

I'd like to address this more because I can relate, I think. But for now, I'll go off of what I did take in.

Really? Prettier?
I can totally understand if you feel this way if you think your character is lacking, and you would be inconsiderate of a relationship. Holding off of anything because of aesthetic discontentment doesn't seem very reasonable, and I think would lead to further discontentment.

Holding off because you feel your character is lacking, or if you don't feel happy as needed about life, is reasonable and considerate of someone you may want to love. However, there is a different take, and I think it has to do with the idea that loving relationships is about taking care of each other and supporting each other in any way possible. So maybe a relationship actually makes more sense when your soul feels weaker. I know it certainly feels that way for me, I could use someone most at the times when I think I would be least attractive in personality. Love is unconditional, and I think is needed most in times when both parties could use some help.

Love ultimately fails by the parameters of most, but that is because we ultimately die alone, and it certainly in most cases does not prevail for very long. However, letting people in and out, learning and growing, is enough of a prevail.

Edited I can relate because I would say it seems I am saving myself, and I'd also like to loose a little weight before I have an active sex life, however I don't think many would be that picky in my current state.

 

I wish i coud find atlest someone to share it with you know

 

"Couse" you can, Flabio!! Now off you pop and try impregnating the bathroom hand basin again, and again, and again......

 

If you don't feel you are ready for a relationship, for any reason, then it is proabably for the best that you're holding off. I am repulsed by my appearance, and would certainly have major issues being with someone who wanted to be with me specifically because I look that way. Or more accurately, specifically because I was born with a hideous condition. I think I could accept it if a guy could love me in spite of those things, be able to see past them and see the real person underneath them. However, it is far more likely that I would only be "loved" specifically for having those issues, and looking how I do. Which is something I could not accept. Someone being attracted to something which has been a constant thorn in my side would just feel completely unnatural and wrong to me. Unlike you, I can't change my appearance, so I'm pretty much stuck with my lot, and will almost certainly never find someone to love.

I do think it would be wrong to hold off on being with someone just because of how you currently look. As it sounds a bit shallow, only wanting guys to be with you because you're "pretty". You're probably pretty right now, but just can't see it. However, you seem to be unhappy with other aspects of yourself besides the weight and appearance, so it is probably best that you don't be with anyone until you are happy with those other aspects. If you are not contented in life, then you'll probably never be content in a relationship either. Once you're content with yourself, then you can concentrate more on finding someone to be happy with.