I wrote this after ending a three year relationship with my sons father that was extremely unhealthy... I've just been stuck for so long because of "love" but now i'm realizing that it really doesn't have anything to do with it, I have to be respected, and if he won't, someone else will! I love my son to death, and for that I will always be grateful, but other than that, i'm just too upset to be friends still...there's so many times that I've just cried myself to sleep and i'm so sick of doing that and hurting myself in the process, I want to be happy, so I'm off to find my happyness...I'm not trying to rush into anything with anyone just yet, it will take a while, but when i do, that's my business and it will be a while before they meet my son because he's my pride and joy and very vulnerable and at too impressionable of an age to just let him get attached to someone right away...incase you were wondering...I'm doing fine since you've been gone, and I'm actually happy for the first time in a long time, yes, i will always love you, but i'm just too hurt for it to ever be the same...one day, you will understand...we should be on good terms enough to were we can discuss hunter, but not us...
I've been there and I felt the emotion in your post. Hang tough and care for yourself and your son. You weren't soliciting advice... so take this as you see fit. There can be a day where you can be friends, but that does take time and work. But please, if you're able, keep your differences between you and him, your son deserves to be seperate from, and not included in, those differences. The biggest effort I put forth when I seperated and divorced from my daughters mom was to do everything I could to keep her out from in between us. Follow your heart and be a good human, it will sort out. Peace.
If you have a child together the best situation is to remain on friendly terms, even if the friendship is only for the sake of the child that still needs to be raised. Does not mean you have to do coffee but civil behaviours are a must, or that child will be the one who does not have the best of both worlds that can be possible. I hope that things improve and you find peace for you and your child.
You are still going to have to be a grown up and let his father have access to your kid and pretend to be amicable about it, otherwise that kids going to grow up thinking your just jealous of their relationship. You as the parent have absolutley no control in regards to how impressionable your kid is, at 3 they are learning at a rate 4-5 times faster than an adult can, thus he's deadly fast at picking up on your emotions. You are going to try protect him and yet even by three he may not be the best communicator, still stringing words together, but that brain is going to be ticking over a lot faster than yours. "Young man you are going to stay at that table till you finish all your vegetables" - If he does what he's told, he has to sit there an eat a plate of yucky vegetables. If he sees mommy is cranky or tired he's going to throw a tantrum instead "Ok mister straight to your room" then he doesnt have to deal with cranky mommy, and he probably knows an hour or two later mommys going to come in "Oh, mommy was just cranky before, you know your my special little guy dont you, mommy loves you very much" - an affirmation he knows he wouldnt have gotten if he hadnt thrown the tantrum. Or if you're a sucker, he starts crying in front of the vegetables, mommy gives him a hug then takes away vegetables and gives him dessert. By the same token, he sees that mommy hates daddy, or daddy makes mommy upset, he's just going to end up talking / acting in a way about daddy to mommy that best suits him - act more excited about spending the weekend at daddies than he actually is, cos he knows he's going to get special treatment and his favourite dinner that Sunday night when he returns
