Aging, Beauty and Sexuality

As part of a psychological gerontology project (which most-likely will not be published), I would like to ask for your opinions on:

What is old?
Is beauty/attractiveness lost with time and age?
How does the thought of growing older make you feel as it pertains to your sexuality/gender?
What is it like to be the age you are now?

Please include your sexual orientation and chronological age (if you feel comfortable) with your answers, as it will help me in looking for patterns or lack thereof. I look forward to the answers!

 

I think what is "old" is quite relative, and dependant on the person. Like to a kid or a teenager, someone in their 30's or even 20's is probably "old". Whereas someone in their 50's or 60's likely wouldn't see thirtysomething people as old. I myself, believe you are as old as you feel. I feel a lot older than my actual age, and look it as well.

Outer beauty for most people, does decline with age. Attractiveness again, is quite relative, and down to individual opinion. Although I think most people would say that physical attractiveness, at least in most cases, decreases with age. Though I think its worse for women than it is for men. Ive never had any physical beauty or attractiveness to lose, so age isnt really a factor for me, as far as that goes. Inner beauty of course, is very different, and is something that age has no effect on. Although many people, especially the young, completely overlook inner beauty if the outer appearance doesnt match it.

The thought of growing older as regards to my sexuality and gender doesn't really make me feel anything. I may as well have no sexuality, because I dont know what physical intimacy is like, and Ive always struggled with my physical appearance pertaining to my gender. I think getting older might in some respects make those things even harder to deal with, but they always have been very problematic for me anyway.

How do I feel being the age I am now? Fearful. When I was younger, no matter how bad things were, I always had hope that somewhere in the future, things might get better. No matter how faint a hope that was, I had some positivity that I could maybe find happiness. The older Im getting, the more that hope fades, and the more fearful I am about my future.

Orientation: Straight female

Age: early - mid 30's

 

To be at the top end of your age group.

No, it evolves.

Like I've arrived.

Like knowing the punch lines.

Straight, well maybe only slightly bent. Fifty three.

 

By common defintion I am old at 65. Invisible Soul defines the perception well when talking about the view point of a teen. I am old to AARP, I am old to places with a senior discount and to Medicare. I am old to my doctor who sees the changes in my body, marks milestones of age by the ailments that begin to show more frequently. This poses a strange conundrum for my mind. How I feel at my age is that I am still me...more so than yesterday or at 47 or 31 or 17. I am curious about the world, I love the thrill of nature, the fun of interaction with others. I like to play, to act goofy, I love to hear laughter. I still can be wide-eyed awed by art or music, by the rush of a powerful river, the mystery lurking in the jungle, the view from a mountain top. I can be brought to tears by the sweetness of human interactions, a hug from someone, an act of kindness.

My definition of old is flawed perhaps. Old often conotes worn out, at the end of useful potential, something that has to be used with care lest it break and lose any utility at all. Old is valued in certain circumstances, an established business or service that has stood the test of time, a home which reflects its character by its design and features, a car which reminds us of a time long past and the over-used reference to wine.

So then comes beauty and or attractiveness both of which are tainted by cultural perceptions. I certainly know people whose growing age adds to their beauty and also their attractiveness though I think thats more uncommon than the rule. Culture favors the young, fresh face, the innocent eyes, the vigor of movement. I am victim to that in that it is far easier to appreciate the quick glance of a handsome young face than the weathered or haggard look of someone my own age. Youth promises hope, vitality, potential. Age is often worn as injury and insult thus less attractive.

I am realistic as a gay man of 65 years. I have no partner, lover or spouse. I have no expectations that I will find such. In truth I can't imagine even wanting to at this point. I have lived most of my life without someone intimate. I put my energy into raising my children, all adopted. My children and grandchildren will continue to be part of my life hopefully. My sexual desires and urges are still strong and I find the occasional opportunity to share intimacy though certainly not as often as I would like. Aging has lessened those chances significantly. I never viewed my self as handsome or attractive but as a younger man there were the opportunities that presented simply because youth alone was often enough to be attractive. those days are long past. Such is life...neither good or bad regarding age, rather it simply is what it is.

 

I am a 33 year-old male. Thus far, I have only had what I would consider sex with women.

What is old?

I will feel old when/if I can no longer exercise or practice sports or when/if I can no longer sexually attract the opposite sex and perform.

Is beauty/attractiveness lost with time and age?

Maybe Jane Fonda is the only woman that I consider somewhat sexually attractive past her 50s. It is conceivable to me that someone who is healthy and follows fashion, in other words, someone who doesn't get stuck with whatever they wore in their youth or tries to conceal their aging with make up...someone who might even own up to her age, but is physically active...it is conceivable that someone like that could be attractive past her 50s.

I had a neighbor in Queens, New York, who had a full head of gray hair but had a beautiful body and dressed fashionably. Anyone of any age turned their heads when she went jogging, and she could not have been any younger than her mid-fifties. I believe she would still be sexually attractive to me into her 60s.

Edit: I just thought of my great-uncle. He's bound to be 90 and I swear to god, he's an attractive man to me. His posture is erect, his trunk and limbs are muscular, he dresses fashionably, mixes up with anyone socially, and is always smiling. He swims and takes walks everyday. I'd fuck him. :biggrin:

How does the thought of growing older make you feel as it pertains to your sexuality/gender?

I experience mixed feelings. On the one hand, if I look at myself in the mirror objectively, I am probably more attractive to myself now than I was in my 20s, unless I'm memory editing. I feel more manly...stronger. On the other hand, when I turned 30 (and still, occasionally nowadays) I doubted myself severely. Especially since sexuality and the ability to pick up girls is a big part of my identity, and I have chosen to be single time and time again. Sometimes, I feel at a loss for what I am going to do with myself when and if I can no longer attract the opposite sex and perform.

On the other hand, I feel like I can strive to be like my neighbor in Queens, NY. And so far, I think I'm doing a good job of it. I'm not a guy to get stuck in old habits and let life pass me by. I am in great shape, I have an active social life, and I take care of myself and I don't plan on stopping. I also don't segregate myself according to age in my social interaction, nor do I feel like I need younger people to validate me.

I have an idea that, at a convenient moment, I will undergo euthanasia (legally or illegally). I don't like the idea of vegetating and clinging on to life out of fear or habit. When it's time, and I have nothing but decay in front of me, I feel I should make a conscious decision to off myself, like Yukio Mishima. I believe the self-doubt that I am experiencing now, is nothing other than the motivation I will need to let go of life when I feel I should. Contrary to what it may seem, I would not be doing it out of either depression or resentment, but from a position of strength. Like a basketball player who retires at his peak.

I don't think gender really figures into my thinking. Were I a woman, or had I habitually had sex with men in the past, I feel I'd probably have the same sentiments.

What is it like to be the age you are now?

It feels like a second adolescence. Fortunately, I have two good friends who have similar experiences. They are not only in their 30s, but single. We joke about being old and creepy, and how 19 years-olds love it (contrary to what we thought would happen when we were in our 20s). Which is only partially in jest. Like I said before, I feel like a man. I feel steady in my habits, I have a better quality of life, I have sounder boundaries in my relationships, I take care of myself better, I am more accomplished.

I also tolerate less discomfort for certain things, and it makes me think: Is it that I can no longer handle hangovers because of my age, or is it that I am simply smarter and happier and do not need to put myself in that position?

I believe the last option; Cheers!

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Edit: If you could not totally forget about us here in the forum and post the results of your study, we'd be grateful.

 

the only difference i've found with gettin' older is that what used to happen three times an hour can now take an hour to happen once :mickey:

 

What is old? "Old" is another arbitrary social construct. "Old" is a lifestyle. It's about giving up, and not moving anymore. It has nothing to do with age.
Is beauty/attractiveness lost with time and age? Beauty is totally subjective. As we age, our bodies change into completely different people. Every seven years our bodies are completely different versions. Yes, a person with age can be beautiful and attractive to both themself and others.
How does the thought of growing older make you feel as it pertains to your sexuality/gender? I am now at the age where I am starting to think about what aging and losing my "youth" will feel like. It is a bit unnerving, but it isn't something perventable. I try not to dwell on it. I have heard that women reach their sexual peak in their 30-40s. I am looking forward to that.
What is it like to be the age you are now? 25 feels older. I am really starting to realize that I no longer share the lifestyle of a teen or a college student etc. I am a grown woman with my entire life ahead of me, and I am ready to create a happy life. It's a difficult age because others my age already have spouses and children, which I am not interested in having. So, now it's time to figure out what I do want. It's exciting.


Oh, and Im a straight female.

 

Thanks everyone! So far, this project is just starting to move. I shared some of the information with my professor today. She really enjoyed the posts that have been submitted thus-far. She especially enjoyed yours Yarapario. (I did too!) I still need more opinions. This has become a very intriguing and interesting topic for me, and any and all input is welcome and will be appreciated!

 

its all relative, but I start thinking of someone as old once they start stooping and their hair starts turning white

I don't think so. I think beauty ripens with age on certain people. I think people who become bitter with age certainly lose their attractiveness, but people who keep a youthful vitality remain physically attractive.

Also, there is a certain beauty in the elderly. The wrinkles in their face are maps of their life.

I think I get more attractive with each passing year. I've always been very thin and as my metabolism is slowing down I'm gaining weight in all the right places and it makes me feel much more sexual and feminine.

In a few years I know I will start worrying about my ticking clock and what not, but I look forward to growing older.

great. I'm in my mid twenties and I've really loved being in my twenties. I like feeling young and healthy and full of vitality. I also loved being a teenager so I suspect I'll also love being in my thirties and experiencing all that comes with growing older. I look forward to hitting my sexual peak. I think its said that women don't hit their peak until they're around 30.

I am a 26 year old straight female.

 

Yarapario - my professor also says that you need a new doctor (lol), because if s/he thinks that you are old, then his/her standards do not mesh with that of most primary care professionals. She's a nurse, and she would not agree.

 

Ha... Tell your professor I love her. But what my doctor means by old is in terms of the type of ailments seen in relationship to many years of living, arthritis being a major complaint. He also tells me he expects me to be coming in well into my 90's still active and involved in nonsense. To his credit he greatly supports nonsense and works with me as I put together my trips into the jungles and mountains of Peru prescribing the various preventives needed for such forays.

 

Over 2 u LurdGanaro (what does it mean anyway.....?)

Simon :sunny:

 

What is old?
Old to me is when you "grow up" so to speak, and start living your life by what older types like to call "realistic standards" instead of letting your dreams carry you

Is beauty/attractiveness lost with time and age?
I'm mostly attracted to older hairy dudes so no

How does the thought of growing older make you feel as it pertains to your sexuality/gender?
Not really trippin about it. In regards to growing older in general though I have absolutely no desire to be kept alive while I lay in bed just being old and when I grow older and start to get sick from age I will make no effort to keep myself alive

What is it like to be the age you are now?
Almost the same as I have felt my entire life. I still have all the same principals and morals and even 90% of the interests that my parents told me I would grow out of in a few months. I'm a little less trusting of people now though but I'm working on that

I'm bisexual, more on the gay side and I'm 20 -will be 21 april 20th