Need advice for this...

Okay, this may sound really immature... but here goes. I'm afraid of doing anything with my boyfriend that couples do with their significant other (I don't mean sex, we are not ready for that yet). I mean I can hug him just fine, but I'm afraid of kissing him and I flinched slightly when he kissed my hand. I know this is not normal, and I feel terrible because he said he is not doing anything until I'm ready. We've known each other for years and have been dating for about 4 months now.

 

how old are you?

 

I'm 21

 

Lack of trust. Your reaction is caused by suspicion.

 

i was afraid to kiss my first boyfriend. then he just planted one on me one day and the fear left.

maybe in this situation, your boyfriend should ignore your wishes and plant one on you too. i mean, i was a child when this occurred, and you two are adults. just do it!

 

I had a big post typed up and finished when I accidentally pressed back and poof it was gone. And I apologize for not feeling up to typing it all again. Basically you need to look at your relationship and see if its what you want. If it is, look at yourself and figure out why you are afraid. You should be happy, my original post was much harsher and I was afraid of offending you haha.

Sit him down, with no TV or music distractions, look at him and say to him "I am really scared of doing this" And then lean in and kiss him. Stay connected for a second or too then simply part and enjoy the simplicity, awkwardness and adorableness of the moment.

Enjoy it while you can, you wont get that occasion back. Like Goethe Faust says to the moment. "Linger a while! You are so beautiful"

 

He is too sweet and nice and all that (and obviously patient enough), which is very awww, yet she's still afraid to do anything which just makes her feel awful.
His niceness is making her feel guilty, I guess.
Poor guy.

 

does he gross you out? or does physical contact with other people typically gross you out?

 

she is probably having performance anxiety. yes, kissing can be awkward and messy sometimes, but that can be fun. better than vanilla kisses all the time.

 

Just don't wear out your vibrator to the point where it might need to be retread, sweetheart, before you do anything with anybody

 

wtf?

 

Concur.

 

Thank you to everyone that took the time (and those that will continue to take the time) to reply to my post. I'll check back and see what's new sometimes

thedope- I don't think it is lack of trust, I trust him with my life. I have no reason to be suspicious of him, like I said, I've known him for years.

vigilanteherbalist2- I totally agree. It may be akward at first, but I'll have to either summon up some courage or get him to surprise me (wouldn't be a bad thing)

LeviathanXII- Don't be afraid of offending me, it'll be a good slap in the face to bring me back to reality. I know this will be a great way to go about it, at least it'll be honest and I can be the one to kiss him like he wants.

Piaf- That's exactly it. I feel terrible because he deserves to be shown how much I love him

Lady of the Freaks- No, he does not gross me out. I'm not very good at showing affection normally, but with him it's different. I can hug him fine, but anything else slightly makes me anxious.

vigilanteherbalist2- I'm beginning to think this is what it is. thanks

Amyoxl- Ouch.

 

so he's been with you for 4 months and you have yet to give him anything? what's wrong with him? whatever is turning everyone else off to him is probably turning you off too.

no guarantees, but a lot of times if you do this and immediately hit forward, your post will still be there.

 

'so he's been with you for 4 months and you have yet to give him anything?'

I'minmyunderwear - That's not entirely true. I mean I can hug him all the time, and we cuddle sometimes... the thing is I have trouble showing affection. There is nothing wrong with him. He's smart, interesting, an all around amazing person and I enjoy our time together. I am not turned off by him at all.

 

Have you at least discussed this with him? If I were the guy, I know I'd have started to wonder quite a while ago...

 

Yes, I've told him that I was nervous. I just needed a little more time before I do anything. He didn't mind. I made sure to talk to him about this so he wouldn't have to worry or question us.

 

Poor Guy?

Her gaydar is working fine, she's just in denial

 

Are you sure you're 21?

When people have asked about your attraction to him, you answered along the lines that american girls are taught, that you just need to think he's a smart, nice, caring person, and that you'll be attracted to him...NO. On the other side of things, some people will make it sound like sexuality and general compatability are two different things, and must BOTH happen, but can to different degrees. still NO.

You need to be physically attracted to him, and it needs to be connected to any other feelings you have for him.

Do you think about him sexually? fantasize or anything? if not, it seems that you may be asexual... or that you might just need to go watch a porno....

Sexual and mental attraction need to be combined, not JUST both exist....