Help i am trapped in insanity

Hey my name is shain and i started doing various hallucinogens and dropping acid quite a bit four years ago, i also have done otc drugs at least fifty times. since i have started doing certain drugs i have completely changed, and least of all my personality. It started off with me having thoughts about guys looking cute in the beggining. Then i started having urges to kiss them and wishing they would touch me and other stuff. I am also attracted to woman and have had sexual relations with that gender several times. But after dropping acid for the third time i have had thoughts about how wonderful it would be to be a girl. when i look in the mirror i wish i had boobs, and look at my penis and wish it was a vagina. I fantasize about it all the time. I have always been extremely emotional and feminine though. I just wish i could make sense of it, i can barely stand it, i feel that i am trapped in a much tighter cage then typical social stereotypes, i see no definition between male and female really, i see that we are all people. I am atracted to both male and female, but i cant stand being a male, i hate the social stigmas, i hate the ways you need to act, and i am coming to believe i hate my body. I have never told anyone else about this, no amily no friends nobody. I am afraid of what they will say. I am entrapped in this void of genderless but engendered sorrow that i cannot escape... I feel i am going insane with every day that passes. I want to be a woman, i want to be touched by bothe men and women, i want to be penetrated, i want to be loved, and i want to escape this loop of endless insanity. i just recently moved to fredericksburg virginia, have nobody i trust, i dont trust my parents, i am trapped and dont know what to do.

 

Find a good mental professional as soon as possible and knock off all drugs including alcohol if you use it. No way in hell you gonna sort this shit out online.

 

What he said