My boyfriend won't smoke with me

you know, a lot of ppl seem to think that "love" is a two person thing, but often times its a one person thing. im not saying this is the case, just reminding you of the possibility, i know ive fallen into that trap, and pulled that trap myself

 

True true. I definitely love him, and he loves me but I know that I worry more than he does and maybe I love him more. Shit kind of sucks in our relationship because he never tells me how he really feels about things until I ask about it at the right time. I hate to say that I don't think he loves me anymore, but I can't help but feel like that sometimes.

 

How long have you two been together? It just seems a little premature to bring the word love into the mix if you haven't even smoked together. I'm sorry he doesn't want to share that part of his life with you, so you really should find out from him what the real deal is. If he doesn't love you or care for you the way you care for him, maybe you should find someone who does, or find happiness in yourself.

 

Love is a shared thing... It doesn't matter how much one person loves another, if that other person doesn't love them back...

If you love someone, you want to share who and what you are with them... openly and honestly...

If you don't want to share your life honestly and openly with someone you DON'T love them or even have any respect for them (if you are in a relationship with them like that).

 

I personally feel he has put you on a pedestal. He obviously has some issues with getting stoned himself, maybe he acts like a jerk on weed, and could be embarrassed to show that side of him. Or perhaps, explaining this 'pedestal', he doesn't want to see you doing something that will seem in his eyes below you.

It's sort of a compliment. I don't drink a lot around my parents because I act like a twat. And equally, I don't like seeing my mum drunk either.

And anyways, who cares? I would be pleased more than anything, more to life than sharing drugs.

 

It's only weed, though.

 

No, we are talking about sharing your life openly and honestly with the person you choose to be with.

This isn't over whether or not either of them smoke weed... they both do... he just doesn't want to share that part of his life with her... Hmmm, how much does he do it?

According to her post... everyday... so, he is doing something everyday, day in and day out, that he doesn't want to share with her....

That is not love.

 

We've smoked together before.

 

Hmm, well that just makes it all the more confusing. I think you need to go straight to the source to find out what the deal is.

 

Yeah I think so too.

 

i wanted to rep you, but it wont let me next time i guess!

and this too, though it may not be anyones real 'fault.' most people never delve into the nature of love, the facets of it are most beautiful, if you can see them. i dont believe in god, love is my faith. he might think he loves you, and you him, but the word means ALMOST NOTHING without the understanding of its meaning, but that meaning doesnt just reveal itself to you, you have to seek it, mull over the nature of love in your head, play with it to discover its hidden secrets.
communication is vital, but it takes a maturity level that is not always present. you have to agree to talk about uncomfortable things. its not easy! but it must be done, or neither of you will know where the other is coming from. if he wont talk to you about all of why (it sounds like not wanting to be high around you isnt the only reason) then he isnt that serious about the relationship. but at 4 months in, there is still hope. you just have to work together to set rules for the relationship.

you didnt say how old you are either, which could guide the advice you receive a little better. none of this is meant to be malicious, but i dont like to see anyone be restricted by the mainstream definition of love. love can be present in everything you do, it is not now, nor has it ever been restricted to men and women, parents and children, etc. you can love your friends, but most people wont say that. love has been kept in a box too small for too long

 

It's about weed and about this fellow's inability to communicate what his issues about the weed are. Tom seeing this as a symptom of something bigger. It may or may not be.

Myself: Tell him it's a weird thing that's bugging you and for the sake of stopping the niggling, if he would indulge you by finding a way to articulate his full thoughts on the matter. Perhaps via a less 'on the spot' medium such as email, to ease any social discomfort he may have in a direct conversation.

My pennies.

 

Thanks. I'll do that.

 

I almost agree with you, except for one basic thing...

If there isn't honesty and openess present, there is no love... regardless of how much anyone may say there is... people say a lot of things that don't mean anything....

 

Thank you for your advice. I have a lot to think about.

 

They are just starting out... if they have to resort to emails or other non direct forms of communications at this point, it IS a symptom of something bigger.... lol

 

We aren't going to resort to texting or emails or anything, but I am going to talk to him about it.

 

i concur. you do have to be willing to be honest with everyone, most especially yourself. i dont BS anyone, unless im forced to (social protocols, yay) so i am able to love quite freely. sometimes i forget that most people are not always honest and open. honesty is liberating. but love and honesty can also be present from one direction. i have love for everyone here, as i know them. but for all i know orison isnt really a squirrel. that doesnt make me love him less. so if you want balanced love you have to have mutual honesty. love is something you put out, and hope to receive back from others.

on an interesting note about openness, that is the quality that most reflected your ability to have aesthetic chills.

 

uhm... what? lol

 

We usually advance defensive postures when we feel insecure.