how the hell do you get them to stop hitting?

My nephew is almost 2 (I know, terrible twos), his mother isn't around and my mother works a lot. I'm 19 and have never had a child and I'm trying my best to discipline him. However whenever he wants attention or gets angry he smacks the shit out of anyone in the way, throws things even sometimes and scratches. He spends most of the time with me so he listens to me a bit more but scratches my mother and even my boyfriend and guests and I cannot have that. I'm thinking part of it is frustration about not being able to express himself as he's not learned to talk yet but idk. I've been at this for a long time now and I need some help.

 

As you say he can't express himself through language - don't use language either to stop him - but try and go with body language, fun games or role play ... just be creative and don't make it too big. It will pass by.

Sounds like he wants to know where the limits are but the reason behind may be a need for shelter.

Specially enjoy those times with him that are not strenuous but rewarding, laugh with him a lot and love him just the way he is ... make it a shared lesson.

Hope this helps !

 

yeah, boys can be tough - you just have to persevere with telling him it's wrong and try to show him other options. Maybe he has quite a temper so distraction and show him that he never gets what he wants by losing his temper - a bit like a dog - reward him for good behaviour.

Good luck,

Simon

 

Thanks guys. Boys are tough, and usually when he gets like that I give him a sad face (kind of like body language I suppose) to show that I'm not pleased and sometimes he will realize he's wrong and hug me. He's too adorable to be mad at for long. But I do reward him for good behavior and no matter what I'll play with him and laugh with him. I just don't know what to do when he has to be potty trained! Oy.

 

Normally at 2 children "generally" are speaking or at least starting to. Potty training is usually also started around the age of 2; granted some children take longer to develop these skills. I do not know the full situation, however, I was a counselor for developmentally disabled children and adults for 5 years. With the developmental delays, frustration/anger issues and hitting/aggression; has he ever been tested for autism? I am not saying he has that but just thought I would let you know that those are some signs of that problem.

 

I am aware of that, and did consider the possibility. I don't know if drug use during early pregnancy lends to these problems but he does have some odd behaviors that make me wonder since I don't often see other children act this way. Or maybe I read into it too much.

 

If it's not autism, and I know I'm going to get flamed for this, SPANK HIM. He will thank you in the long run. I and my husband have both thanked our folks for spanking us after seeing the kids who don't get it.

 

HAHAHAAAA! No, baddmob12! You forgot the tranq darts!

 

Try the golden rule. That should make it pretty clear.

 

The hippies saying to use violence to discipline children are pretty weak... There are better ways.

I personally would consistently sanction something he wants or likes, when he misbehaves. Make sure he knows whats up, and what the consequence will be, and make sure you follow through, no matter his response. Kids can be little shits, consistency is key. Bad effects will frustrate him, but teach him, spanking will only create FEAR of misbehavior. This will prove a problem later in life, as well as the kind of control issues and weakness that would lead him to think spanking or other violence is an answer.


You say language could be frustraiting him... do you talk to him like he's a dog or something? (not accusing, you just asking) You know, how most people, for some reason, think you talk to small children? Talk to him like he's an adult. If he doesn't understand something, rephrase it, still in adult language. If he doesn't understand it then, tough shit, he'll learn it properly if you talk to him normally.

Just sayin'.... My parents spoke to me normally, and I've seen the contrast between other kids of similar developmental levels who get "baby talk" and who don't... the difference is scary.

Also, people develop differently, some people don't talk till they're 5, and still turn out totally normally. (as I've been told by my grandmother, my father was about that old, maybe 4. eventually a doctor, from back before they decided to diagnose things that destroyed lives and made money out of everything(quite so often, anyway), told them to stop catering to him, and instead of responding to his pouting, wait for him to talk. after like a day he asked for milk, when throwing his water on the floor wouldn't work... he could speak the whole time. I wonder, today, how many kids are put in sped and taught to see the world as retards, because of kid shit like that) Don't start treating him like he's retarded or autistic or anything of that nature, for a good long while....

 

Quite right, spoiled children grow up to be spoiled adults.

So don't spoil your children. That has nothing to do with physically attacking them because they misbehave.

 

my niece is almost two and she's already gettin timeouts. just sitting in a chair for two minutes usually sets her straight.

i don't agree with the strategy of not talking to him and relying primarily on body language. that only enables him to not have to use his words.

 

My husband got spanked, his little brother didn't. Everything else was equal in the raising of the kids. Guess which one turned out to be a decent human being, and which one (at age 22) still hasn't figured out that he doesn't have the automatic right to shelter and food? The little punk won't work, won't go to college, and is about a month from getting kicked out of the family home. He thinks that this is horrific, and that he has abusive parents. I think they've been neglectful to let him go this far, myself.

I should really expand on this. They are a few years apart in ages. Hubby was born before the no-spanking trend gained speed, and little brother after. Hubby was already well past his formative years when parents stopped spanking, and he no longer needed it by then because he had figured out that actions have consequences.

 

just because you see a relationship between not spanking your youngest son and his typical young adult laziness, doesn't mean there's actually a connection.

 

I had a few babysitters give me time-outs. I used the time to plot my next mischief, knowing that I wouldn't get in any real trouble.

And young adult laziness is "typical" now, because kids think they're entitled. And little brother is well beyond typical.

 

Yeah, you plotted because you'd been taught that the only reason not to be a little piece of shit was because you'd be beaten if you misbehaved.

I mean, when I was a little kid and had a babysitter, I was like "fuck yeah, cool older person who will talk to me". You where just without any impulse control or good emotions, because that wasn't how you'd been taught.

There are many reasons that the younger brother could have turned out like that, aside from the personal differences inherent to people(diffences which you clearly have no understanding of). The younger sibling syndrome, where they think they're horribly discriminated against while actually getting all the shit the first sibling didn't get is common. I see it with my sisters. None of us where spanked regularly, though very occasionally. I'm of the opinion that it relates to the way children see their siblings as equal in maturity, even given huge actual gaps.

If the only answer to "why not" that works is "because I'll beat you", then you are a failure of a parent. And the same applies to your parents.

 

We know, you're old and lonely and like attention, and no longer have the mental acuity to discuss anything in a serious manner. That's okay, just carry on the grumpy attempted sarcasm, we know you just want love, even if you can't properly remember what you're being sarcastic about.

 

Well as you already told us in the masturbation abstinence thread, you wish you had a kamikaze cock, but it just ain't workin' anymore....

 

Okay, verbally abusing people for being older than you is not the way to convince me that you're mature enough to tell anyone how to raise a child. You're actually sounding a lot like a spoiled child right now. Perhaps you should have been spanked more.