I feel so alone...need some help

I'm currently 18 years old. Probably I am the only one from all my friends who has never been in a relationship...and it is for sure I am the only one who has never been kissed. I don't usually show it, but as everyday goes by I feel so alone. I can't stand this situation anymore: sometimes I am subject of jokes related to that and even though I pretend I don't care, people don't realize how painful it is.
Even worse, I've been in love (yep, I can say so) with a couple of guys but they didn't give a **** about it. The last time it was really painful, because everything seemed to be working...but it was just one of those tricks of life, because one day I noticed he had just started going out with someone else (one of those plastic, slutty girls who just care about themselves).
I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I so ugly? Should I be just like that girl and just worry about superficial things?
Probably some people may think I'm exagerating, but seriously, I am not. I think I'm falling into depression...I just can't stand this. I need some help.

 

I dunno, hun. You don't tell a lot about yourself so it's hard to tell what's going on. Be honest and tell us what you think the problem is. Ask a trusted friend.

 

Those two statements contradict each other in my mind.
It may not seem like a major detail, but it could indicate part of the reason you have had trouble getting into relationship. So, if I may ask, how do you know it was love? What is your definition of love?

It is not very unusual to not have any relationships or sexual conquests until adulthood, despite the media making it seem so. I was nearly 19 the first time I had sex, and almost 18 when I first asked out my girlfriend.

My brother, wasn't in a relationship until he was around 25 and didn't have sex until he was in his 20s (drunkenly admitted to me one night).

I know how hard it is, but you really must try to keep it close in mind that you must live your own life. Every life has their own calenders and their own clocks, despite us synchronizing for society.

As far as your depression goes; I have anxiety problems, at one point I was even diagnosed and utterly convinced that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Since, things have gotten a lot better, and it really doesn't seem to fit the checklist for the disorder anymore.

Things come and go; and sometimes when we are in shitty moods, mental states, etc. we must simply accept it.
I'm not saying not to react to it; not try to better yourself -- but you gotta accept this as a shitty period of life, your feelings as legitimately founded (even though some of your worries may not be), and your feelings a direct result of your situation rather than a part of yourself.

I may have more questions, as the poster above said, you haven't given us much to go by; but for now, that's all I wanted to ask and tell you.

 

i was 22 when all those things happened for me. though guys asked me out and showed interest in me long before i turned 22 most weren't guys i could relate to the way i wanted and didnt seem to be looking for a long term or serous relationship, so basically they just didnt seem like good matches. i was very lonely too but eventually i met a guy that matched me well enough and im still with him. so just try to relax and know youll find the right match in time and for now you dont have to sort through the droma wrong matches and broken hearts.

 

Oh hun, I know you've probably heard this, but if those guys go out with those types of girls, then they probably aren't worth it. You know you don't want to sink to their level, so please don't. I mean look around, we have plenty of those types in this world already. (My psychology class is full of them uke: )

Are you shy or a bit distant with people? Sometimes that can kind of turn people away. You probably aren't ugly, and it sounds like your personality is probably a bit more interesting than miss plastic over there.

You could always ask out the person yourself. Daunting, I know. But as long as you two are on good terms, not close friends, and given that they aren't a jerk, I don't really see any reason they would say no. Just find someone you think is cute, and go for it. (Not to be prejudiced or anything, but the shy ones are the most likely to say yes)

Since you are in high school (I'm assuming), then if things don't work out, then it's whatever, try again. It gets a little easier every time. (Still nerve-racking, but easier) At your age it might be good for you to have a relationship just to have a relationship, if you feel that you really need one, but I wouldn't really rush things.

Good luck, and if you have any questions, just message me.

 

They could be serious about relationships and not find her to be compatible...

Never, ever, for anyone, in any circumstance.

 

I see why you would say that, I used to think that way myself. In fact, I was very reluctant in putting that here. But I've found that for some people it can be pretty beneficial, sort of as a wake-up call for what's really important, and what they want, and don't want, out of a relationship. Definitely not for everyone though.

 

Well... my own opinion, relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. I've been single for a few years now, and don't tell my bro I told you, but... he didn't get laid till he was 21! Though, he's been in a few relationships before that, I don't think they were "intimate" relationships. Just from what I've observed and what he tells me. But relationships aren't all that great. I mean, they're great, but when I see my friends in relationships, I just see how much they fight, how worried they are about this and that, how they have to check with their significant other before they do anything. It's a plus and a negative. Same with being single. It's a draw between freedom and companionship.

I myself don't mind being single. I can act goofy, spend my time as I please, and do whatever I want. Though I am kind of a lonely person which makes me seem lame sometimes lol and I don't really party my ass off, so I keep things within reason. I do miss the companionship sometimes... but I just like being myself and i know some day I'll find someone worth the time. Love stinks, and it hurts really bad sometimes, but so does life and being single. Don't worry, just be happy, be yourself, be outgoing and just sporadically talk to people. You'll find someone... or someone might even find you!

Be grateful and never stop thinking about the future.

 

There are good, loving companionships out there, believe me. But even with them, there is a certain amount of freedom lost, just because of the responsibility gained.
I've never had to check anything with my girl except for if friends could come over when she was over though (and if it was good for her too )

 

fuck if i know, you don't have any pictures up. by the way, ignore that chili guy that posted on your profile. he just wants to cyber with you (he tried with me until i mentioned that i'm a guy).

nothing wrong with a learning experience.

 

In the end though you aint going to get anywhere blaming everyone else.


We read the thread, see its written by an 18 year old girl, everyones like...oh sweetie.

But we dont really know you, dont know if you're being too picky with guys, too snotty with other girls.

Your angry at a guy cos he chose a bimbo over you, guys like that are usually the bad boy type, maybe a bit of a jerk

I wouldnt be suprised if there are a couple nice guys in your zone wondering why you ignore them

 

I'd like to see a driving course where a crash was the expected outcome.

 

I have depression myself. I also have social anxiety disorder so I can somewhat relate to you. I didn't get my first kiss until I was 16 and even then it was a pity kiss. The girl and I were just friends. I like her but she didn't like me. We were in the front seat of another friend's car who was driving at the time on Rt. 290 in Worcester, MA. (See how clearly I remember and it was 21 years ago) she turned to me and kissed me. I thought I was in love then. Then I had my first serious girlfriend at 18. She was my first time having sex. I thought I was in love then too. She cheated on me and I was devastated. Then I met my wife in college. Then I knew what love really was. You weren't in love with those guys you talk about. You migt have had a crush or were infatuated, or whatever you want to call it. It wasn't love though.

As far as not meeting anyone. Most guys don't want to go out with someone who has no confidence in themselves. It is too "high maintenance". The only guys who go out with girls with low self-esteem are guys with lower self-esteem or guys looking to take advantage of them for sex. Of course there are exceptions but this is what I have found from experience

My recommendation to you, based on the info we know, is to focus on you. Workout to get in better shape, if you feel you are not in good shape. This builds confidence on top of being healthier and looking better. Read some self-help books to improve yourself and you way of thinking. Two books that helped me are: Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill and See You at the Top by Zig Ziglar. They both talk about you being in control of your life rather than letting other people being in control of you.

Don't jump to extremes. You are either in love or depressed. You are 18. barring a major accident you have 70 years to live. You will be kissed many times in life and have sex hundreds of times. Don't rush it. Enjoy your freedom. Soon enough you will be married, having kids and won't have any time for yourself.

You have an advantage though. You are a girl. Therefore you can find a guy to sleep with you pretty easily if you just want to get it overwith. If you ask 10 guys if they want to get together and just fuck, no strings attached, 9 out of 10 will most likely say yes, unless they are in a relationship. Even then more than 50% will probably still say yes.

Just take a step back and decide what you want. Do you want to work on you and be the one everyone is after or do you want to get laid and be the girl everyone just fucks and adds to their list of girls. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU. Nobody can make you do anything you don't allow them to do, unless they are breaking the law that is.

Good luck.

 

that's not really a good analogy...

we're talking about having a relationship for the sake of having a relationship, not having a relationship for the sake of having a messy breakup.

the point of driving school is to drive for the sake of driving, as it is good practice for when you actually desire to get into your car and go somewhere. likewise, the point of having a relationship could be to practice having a relationship so you don't meet your soulmate at 35 and get immediately rejected for being a virgin with no social skills.

obviously, it's not a good idea to just start dating a random person, but there's nothing wrong with dating someone who is kind of interesting in hopes of seeing what happens.

 

I think they were talking about getting into a relationship with no hope of working out, but I'm not sure that's even possible.

 

The thread is basically the OP depressed cos she cant find a boyfriend, and this is your advice?.

She wants a relationship, and you are telling her its easy to go and find a guy that will just fuck her, no strings attached??

FAIL

 

that's not how i took it. if that's what she meant, then yeah it's probably a bad idea.

 

The guy's version of this is th 'nice guy' syndrome.

It sucks to hear the words 'be patient' when your emotion is in the now but time can work out well for the 'nice folks'.

 

the reason that guys go for those "plastic girls" is b/c they are confident, and you are not.

 

Sorry, what I meant was to try a relationship with someone who may not be your dream guy, but someone you could at least see yourself with and see where it goes. No, you really shouldn't get into a relationship with someone you have no interest in or hope for.