Can you be wrong about your sexuality?

Hey folks. Thought for years that I was bisexual. I had a normal sexual experience with this guy last night. Well, it was normal in the sense that it was nothing special, except that I guess it was really the first time that I was going to be having sex in someone's room, in a bed, and there would be actual thought about having sex and stuff...Well, it didn't go so well. I couldn't get it in right. It kept slipping out and stuff because I wasn't as aroused as I guess I thought I would have been. In fact, very little of what happened was arousing, or even that pleasing in general. I don't like the guy that much anymore when I think about him. I think that I might be sort of straight now...how does that happen??? Do you go through times like this when you're bi? Or do people sometimes misunderstand themselves?

 

Maybe you're more into the idea of it than the act itself.

 

If there is a mistake in your feelings I suspect it might be in rushing to label yourself too quickly following this encounter. If possible just chill a bit and try not to overthink or over analyze yourself. In fact people do fail to understand themselves at times. It's often part of our ongoing growth process throughout life. As much as possible drop the labeling idea and maybe instead look at the Kinsey Scale which decribes human sexual behavior. Some people find their sexual interests to be more fluid than others. Doesn't mean you are weird or wrong about yourself, more it means that you are still learning about who you are. In a healthy person that learning process goes on throughout life.

Be kind to yourself, think of how you would talk to a loved friend about this...then apply it to yourself. Take Care, Steve

 

Thanks for the advice thus-far. Wise people here, and that's why i like it.

 

I had a friend once that went through therapy because of their sexual confusion, she always kept me up to date on it and I always tried to be encouraging. (but at times it was difficult because she was young)

One thing she had told me her counselor said (that had left an impression on me) was to stop looking at a persons gender and focus on your attraction towards them...
Just go where your attraction (or affections) takes you.. Why be gay or strait or bi if you can simply be a sexual being...

 

One thing she had told me her counselor said (that had made an impression on me) was to stop looking at a persons gender and focus on your attraction towards them...
Just go where your attraction (of affections) takes you.. Why be gay or strait or bi if you can simply be a sexual being...[/QUOTE]



This makes complete sense.

 

Have you considewred that your previous same-sex activity was a fetish rather than an emotional state?
I believe sexuality exists on several different levels.
For example, we have the emotional bisexual, who is quite happy to fall in love with a guy or girl, be in a relationship or commit in some way.
Then you have the fetishistic bisexuality where it's driven by sexual desire for an act or physical characteristic.

People have been duped into thinking sexuality is split between three labels. When in actual fact you need to take into consideration the existence of fetish too. And there's the emotional desires for friendship, which are again different for men and women. And there's competition - something that is as equally overlooked in sexual research as fetish is.

Have you considered that you might subconsciously attach the idea of having sex in a bed with a "relationship" or "romantic" encounter when all previous encounters have been driven by sexual desire alone?
That's something to consider.
If you just have a sexual desire for same-sex activity, the act of being in another guys intimate space might throw you off.

 

Well if you weren't that keen on the guy then that would not turn you on at all. And then sometimes if we are nervous for any reason then often our cocks don't perform (brain tells them not to!). after all an anus is much tighter than a fanny and you have to be really hard to penetrate. And once you have difficulty then that can also lead to 'deflation!'

Relax and keep an open mind - wait for a nice relaxed experience with a guy you do fancy and then just go slow.

Good luck,

Simon

 

Seconded.

 

I personally think bisexuality is a fad.


Man up and pick one already.


You know what they say about those who straddle the fence

 

I don't know if you masturbate or not, but I have a hypothesis: less masturbation = more ability to be aroused ^^

 

Well, you don't really know about the nature of your perversion until you try. I know it took me years.

 

I brought this up in a similar thread. I do not know if this was your first encounter, but I also considered the idea for a long time that I was bisexual, even when I started experimenting with guys, it was not an easy "That was great, ya I am really into this". My first few times, I had trouble getting or keeping it up and mentally it did not feel the same as sex with women. This passed in some ways as I started being more comfortable with who I was. I would think "Screw labels or what they are supposed to imply about me, I do not care if I am particularity sexually aroused, I was that penis! Whether my dick gives a shit or not!". Strangely enough as I came to start thinking that it was a lot easier to be aroused because your not preoccupied with thinking about it.

Even still, if your bisexual it could be situational, some days, I wake up thinking about how I could ever believe I am attracted to men and that I am just kidding myself. And the next morning I will wake up craving a certain male body part. I would say stop worrying about a label for yourself, if you like the vagina one day and dick the next, who cares. Do what you want.

 

AC/DC eventually you'll plug into the wrong circuit and give us all a har x 1000

 

thanks guys and girls and in-betweens and neuter. Leviathan, that's very helpful.