Help please. New to all of this

Here's my story to begin with. I think all my life I've known I was gay. I have always liked men and thought about them, but I grew up in a very closed minded home. All of my life I have been fighting the urge to be with a man. I've dated girls, even managed to have sex, I would just imagine I was with a guy. So I have never been with a guy. Within this last year I moved away from my hometown and decided to finally come out. One of my problems is I'm really shy, so I still havent been with a man. So I was wondering...how do I talk to a guy about sex? How do I find out if he wants to be.. I dont know how to put this.. if he wants to be the "reciever" or the "taker". I know that sounds crude, but like I said I'm new to this. Please help. I dont want to turn anyone off. I just really need to embrace this.
Thank you for any help.

 

This is not nearly as complicated as you seem to believe that it is

#1 By default, the vast majority of other gay dudes wants sex. They do not necessarily want to talk about it much. But sex, yeah, they want sex

#2 In this time and age, most guys are really versatile and that's a default, too. If you say that you want to top, and have the good equipment for it, most guys will be very happy to oblige. Should this not be the case, you either negotiate your way around the issue (as in stick with oral sex for the time being) or move on. This happens ever so often and I do not know anyone who really thinks this is an issue.

#3 Talking about sex at a certain stage is very important. Say, you just met this hot dude and you are getting to know each other on a very personal level. He wants something (like to top you, or whatever); you are fine with it but request reciprocation. You want to state that very clearly before the games begin. Or your new friend wants to go bare and you do not. Game over. Sorry, dude...Yup, there is a certain number of issues that you want to talk about usually before you hit the sack.

#4 You'll develop your own gaydar over the time. It'll usually tell you about the guy you are looking at and the way he swings. No one entirely relies on their gaydar, but we all get some help there, don't we? And then, there is the ubiquitous grapewine. Dudes talk. Some hate it. The others like it and feel that the usual gossip is some sort of free advertising. Like it or not, it is here to stay.

So, relax, take a deep breath and plunge in.

KD

 

I just made a thread about a similar situation, thank you for the advice Mr. Kewldude.