Emotionally Cheating...Physical?

Hi everyone, haven't been on in a while. Since last year I have been busy! But now i am back, and I have a dilemma I want to address and hopefully get some feedback on.

My boyfriend & I have been together almost 3 years (February 2011) and I found out, not more than 3 days ago, that he has been talking to 3 other girls in the state. I snooped through his phone, because I felt he was keeping something from me, and found it on his Yahoo messenger app. HE NEVER USED YAHOO BEFORE!

Apparently, he never met the girls in person, only spoke via IM. However, one of the messages I read said, from the girl, "Sorry I missed your call". He denies ever having their phone # and wouldn't honestly tell me how they began talking.

This isn't the first time he has done this, what do I do? I love him, and he says he loves me, but can you honestly love someone and do that??

FEEDBACK is appreciated muah

 

Do what?

Whats he actually "done"

I guess it depends on your definition of "cheating".

Gotta admit though...snooping isnt the best either

 

^ to be fair the snooping isn't as bad as the choice of partner.

 

Apparently, he only talked to them, on Yahoo. Nothing more! But in the past couple months I noticed he would come home later than usual and wasn't as affectionate with me, until now. Now that it's out in the open we are better than ever. I am just worried, will he do it again?

 

hmmm...my gut feelings are usually spot on...whats yours telling you?

 

well you guys should tell eachother stuff. as your lover he shouldnt have a prob telling how he started talking to her. my lover boy talks to girls all the time, non of them are secret, so its cool.

did you see any convose that were actually inappropriate? or was it just the fact that they are secret. maybe he is upset that you accused him of something before talking to him about them and thats why he doesnt want to tell. im not saying you did, i dont really know cuz theres not enough info on the situation. thats just one possible scenario.

 

Whats funny, is this whole time, the past 3 years, he has told me I cannot talk to any guys in the same state. Yet the past couple months he has been talking to 3 girls in the last few months. Hypocrite! But I love him. He has to make it up to me, but regardless I told him that he is NOT ever going to do it again or I will kick his ass!

Also, I never saw ALL of the convos...only 2 from the past day or so. I deleted them immediately. He might have but I don't know.

 

why dont you just talk to him about it, could be nothing at all.

 

oh, and talk to whoever you wanna talk too. dont let guys tell you who you can and cant talk too. i never understood that.

 

yea hypocrisy really gets to me. did he apologize and acknowledge his hypocrtisism?

 

yeah same... practice what you preach

you can talk to boys if you want! and he can talk to girls, just once its innocent and yous are honest about it. dont keep secrets. they suck

 

So you can talk to people in other states then?

 

I don't talk to any guys, and he doesn't or agreed he wouldn't talk to any other girls.

 

why tho?? where is the trust?

 

you should probably break up with him and find someone who is more interested in dating you than in making up a bunch of random arbitrary rules for you to follow.

for the record, a lot of people from cali post here, so you're talking to a shitload of guys in your state. so he should probably dump your cheating ass.

obviously not. he couldn't have gotten together with you if he's only allowed to talk to montana women.

 

I think the fact that you snooped points to an underlying problem that is probably a lot more serious than him talking to other girls: lack of trust.

trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you feel like you can't trust him, if you felt like you couldn't trust him even before you found out about his IM conversations, the relationship probably isn't working anyways.

it doesnt sound like the healthiest of relationships, in my opinion. Telling you that you can't talk to other guys in your state sounds immature and controlling. Having a problem with him talking to other girls via IM sounds immature, as well. If you guys were secure in your relationship and secure with each other I think that both of you should be able to talk to members of the opposite sex without it being an issue.

maybe he just didn't think his IM conversations were important enough to mention. Its probably innocent; it sounds innocent enough. I would focus on the underlying problems and let the IM conversations go if you actually want to save the relationship.

 

Thanks for the advice