finding gay people attractive

maybe 1% of all gay people ive met/seen i find attractive, is this something that happens any of you? not just looks, but everything else as well. i tried dating one of the more attractive gay boys ive met, but that was short lived after getting to know him a little more, just turned me off (he was 2 yrs younger could be why) ive tried dating websites, but since im not 100% out yet its hard, but not many of the people on the dating websites i can see myself dating.

am i doing something wrong? being too picky? there has been SOOO many straight boys id date in a heart beat, but thats a whole 'nother story. a lot of it i think has to be the whole "flamboyantness" a lot of gay people have, which i wouldnt consider me as being "flamboyant"

is there a small population of gay people that feel the way i feel?

 

there are people like you.

i think maybe you need to hang with more gay friends and go out to clubs and such. you'd get used to it and have maybe a more adaptive attraction to gay guys. if you don't like flamboyent, thats perfectly fine. there are so many gay guys that dont like flamboyent.

 

Of course there's gay people who feel how you feel. What you've just described is no different to straight people who have a "type" when it comes to being attracted to members of the opposite sex. I think its just a myth perpetuated by insecure straight men that gay men are attracted to all men.

 

Being gay does not definitely mean that you'll find all other gay men attractive. Not by far. It is however, very important to evolve and recognize that you should be able to love and enjoy the friendship of people who may not be absolutely and totally to your liking. This is where you want to build up some mental tolerance and say, "I am NOT the measure of all the things. If I only focus on the very few people whom I truly find attractive, I am going to be limiting myself far too much for my own good!"Say, I only find "younger" guys attractive. Ideally, in the range of 24-26. It has been like this for a very long time now. Yet, I always seek/agree to meet/date guys 20-35. Amazingly some really young guys have the vibe of "older" dudes and v.v. So, you negotiate your way around. By default this applies to most of the things you do in life. I do not really see you dating a very flamboyant drag queen. And you really do not have to. But I hope that you will mature to see the things rather in ranges than in fixed attributes. In other words, a dude who is manly but has a little flamboyant streak now and then ought to be still fine in your world. If you cover all the aces, that's fine. For the rest, you'll mature enough to understand that a degree of tolerance is needed, too. KD

 

ironically, I would be too suprised if some of these strait boys you have been checking out could have actually been gay as well. Not every gay man is a screaming queen, general rule of thumb is gay or strait- people are for the most part exactly the same.

Some play up to their role, though. Like the afore mentioned gay man, but consider strait men- not all of them stand around talking about sports, drinking beer, leering at women and threatening to bonk each others heads in. Just a common stereotype.

I am personally not interested in flamboyant types, either.

 

yup, it's around 1-3% of *all* the people I've met that I truly like, and really connect with. I don't just mean in regard of sexual relationships, but friendships as well. but when you do finally meet a person like that, it's all the more amazing.

however, if it's something that you only have with gay guys then maybe you haven't yet met a lot of them, or hang around places that attract certain types of personalities. Like someone here already said---there are a lot of gay guys that look and act like any other guy.

 

thx everyone for the perspective on things. i guess im just so critical, and its just making it harder on myself, hopefully sooner than later i will come around.

 

I like flamboyant.

Not necessarily on the level of the Birdcage but just a bit is enough for me. Personally I consider myself a bit flamboyant so it's only natural I'd look for the same.

 

I'm the same way. I've only met two gay guys in my entire life who weren't SO gay I could have sworn they walked out of an episode of Will and Grace or something. It's frustrating.

Part of the reason it frustrates me is that it's ultimately heteronormative, which does gay people no good. Gay guys can't use femininity to attract straight guys; however, they can use masculinity to attract gay guys. Some guys (gay or straight) are just naturally effeminate, and some of the hypermasculine gays are just as cliched and annoying. But why exaggerate it?

Some gay guys are attracted to feminine guys. It's funny, but in almost all the gay pairings I've seen, each partner looks kind of like the other one. Body type, level of "gayness," even height. Race doesn't seem to be a factor, though.

I'm rambling now.

 

When I visit gay places (which is rare) I am always shocked how unattractive most of them are, looking mostly alike like sheeple...gays with dreadlockz are rare too, Im a rare exception I think, I ve only once met a real gay with dreads like 18 years ago lol

 

Yeah, I think that's what it comes down to for me. It's like people dressing "gothic" or something and thinking it makes them different, when they missed that train by over a decade. Show me a gay guy who DOESN'T make a point about "challenging social norms," and I'll show you a gay guy who really is just being himself.

 

The automatic gay guy = effeminate thing is bizarre enough when it comes from straight people. Does my head in when it comes from other 'Gay' guys

You're not attracted to most gay guys cos they are too flamboyant?


If thats your perspective, then its only the effeminate ones you are paying attention to, the rest you dont even notice, even if they are standing right next to you. 'Flamboyant', ones are definately in the minority

So when you say you arent attracted to them, what you really mean is you just want to fuck them, dont really want anything else to do with them. Which is why you dont have much luck with them, and if the rest of us see you are blinded to us, well we aint going to bother either

 

Maybe you should start listening, then.

Not where I'm from, they aren't. Granted, "flamboyant" is a relative term, and it might be more productive to use words like "traditional" to refer to gay guys who aren't loud and flashy, but still adhere to conventional gay aesthetics.

Yeah, that's totally what I mean whenever I say I'm not attracted to someone. I mean I want to fuck that person. Again, with the "listening" thing. Geez.

He said he DIDN'T want to fuck them. That's pretty ignorant of you to not only put words in his mouth, but assume he meant the opposite of what he said.

I, for one, know PLENTY of flaming "queen" types who are, for the record, pretty obnoxious by a lot of people's standards. And I've been friends with some of these guys. Just like I've been friends with a lot of people I'm not attracted to.

But would I fuck them? No. They're not my type. Would I date them? No, we have nothing in common, there's no chemistry between us. Does that make me a bad person? If so, then every gay guy who wouldn't have sex with a woman is a shallow, short-sighted dick.

 

Either you live in a magical part of the world where there arent any fat hairy gay truck drivers, or you dont pay any attention to them

Happens a lot with different sections of society, the say one thing mean another thing....thing. Not really any different to the straight guy that whines about not being able to get a girlfriend but only gives the time of day to skinny blondes, or the girls...through fear of rejection they do that kind of thing all the time....then of course theres the closeted gay guy that tells everyone he's not gay

Do you go around asking everyone else how obnoxious your queen friends are or is that actually your view?

Do you mean you dont have any kind of attraction to your friends, or that you've been friends with a lot of people you arent sexually attracted to?

Really, I'd fuck most guys, the only ones I wouldnt do are the morbidly obese, doesnt mean I dont like chubbs, they are like teddy bears, I like the scream queens they are so dramatic about it. Older guys are sweet, Butch ones have stamina. Admittedly thats all mostly about ego.

And its funny, theres an irony there, I may well indeed be a far more egotistical tool than you are, but because of that ego I come off less shallow


The others are being a lot more diplomatic about it, but a few of them have said there are plenty of gay guys that walk and talk like your average joe.

The OP is in denial, if he was interested enough to look, he'd see theres more to the gay world than limp wrists and pastel tank tops

 

I don't know where you guys live, but I've met a lot of attractive gay guys. the flamboyant are the minority and in some cases the flamboyant ones are not even gay. It just sounds like a lot of whining guys.

that's just ridiculous. by your definition all the straight guys who don't give guys a chance are shallow too. or what about goats? maybe we should give goats a try as well, lest we want to be shallow short-sighted people who don't give everybody an equal chance. you're discrediting what you're saying yourself. and for some reason you're becoming defensive.

 

If being picky is a bad thing, as Vanilla Gorilla seems to be implying, then yes, you can follow that train of thought all the way down the track.

It's obvious you misunderstood my post.

 

we all have our taste. some guys just have a more refined taste than others, and don't find most guys they meet attractive. but this thread is not about that. this thread is about whining about all the people you find unattractive, obnoxious, what not. if you don't like some people you don't like them, we all get it. but why come on the internet to make posts about how much you don't like certain people? if I meet a person I don't like I forget about them, i don't even notice people I don't like, much less write about them on some public forum. that's why this all sounds like a bunch of whining to me.

And I quoted you because you had an illogical deduction in your post.

 

I dont think either of us misunderstood your post, If you go back and read it again, the whole tone of it sounds defensive.

For whatever reason, if you avoid one group. You miss a learning opportunity. Having a scream queen around is the best way to sort out the straight guys from the bi ones. Most guys will get all stupid around them. The straighter end of town, those that are actually more secure with their sexuality will more likely go along with the jokes, have a laugh rather than get angry, especially if they see the wife / girlfriend having a grand old time. The flamboyant thing is as much to do with how the girls react as it has to do with the guys. But at the same time, the number of married guys that either hit on them or take the bait,well, they camp it up cos they know it works, and they know ahead of time which guys its going to work on


And what MW said here is another important one:

When I was younger I thought a lot of the reason I was the way I was ...was due to being raised by chicks, I mean especially early on its was chicks only ...really annoying

But it wasnt really until I encountered a few of the straight scream queens that it clicked..."Oh hang on a minute, masculine vs feminine, male vs female, hetero vs homo...they are three different things that dont always match"

Same kind of thing with the Bull Dykes, who one might stay away from cos they are scary, but hang with them and you get to see how many feminine girls are cosying up to some of them. Or she might be in the presence of another masculine girl, on the outside it might look like thats the girlfriend, but in the end you just find out she's some girl she plays netball with thats happily married to a guy and has three kids

 

I'm bi and I have them, but once I started them I stopped getting hit on by other guys entirely But yeah I haven't met another gay dude with them either

 

He didn't say he didn't like them. He said he wasn't attracted to them. This is a very common dilemma among gay guys. It's frustrating, and he's asking if anyone else experiences the same problem. If you can't empathize with it, then fine. No reason to take it personally.