Relationships and Sacrifices

What kinds of sacrifices do we need to make,
To make a marriage (or any relationship) work?

 

None. Sacrifice inevitably produces resentment. Relationships work best when someone has something to share, not in the willingness to work at changing behavior to suit the ideals of someone else.

 

x2

 

absolutely. x 3. exactly what i was going to say except in typical dope fashion, he said it much more eloquently than i would have.

someone once gave me great advice that I've been carrying around ever since: relationships are not supposed to be about work, they are supposed to be about enjoying another person. if you have to change for your partner, you were not right for each other in the first place.

 

The the most important sacrafice I think is your time, but that should come naturally if you enjoy being with eachother.

 

That's some great advice there, Dope. Bump Bump!

 

ive had to make many sacrafices in my relationship, we both have, but thats because he's in the military so...i dont actually buy everyones crap about sacrafices equalling resentment and what not, theres always a unique set of circumstances in every relationship and you shouldnt measure yours by anyone elses

 

not all sacrafices are about changing behavior to suit someone elses ideals.....

 

goat

 

i think that is a unique set of circumstances and one where there sometimes aren't other options. you could leave him but if you love him you would be just as miserable, therefore is it really a sacrifice or just a situation in which you have absolutely no other options simply because you love him?

i dont know if that makes a bit of sense...but my point is that when love is there and its the right person for you, sacrifices arent neccessarily sacrifices, but simply what you do for each other because there is no other option.

okay i just said the same thing in both paragraphs and i'm still not sure if I made sense.

I was madly in love with someone once that was deployed to Iraq for a year. That was the loneliest year of my life, but I never labeled it as a sacrifice. It was simply an unfortunate situation. If I were passing up dates and good times with other guys, then i would have labeled it as a sacrifice, but because I loved him so much it was simply life. I didnt want to be with anyone else so i had absolutely no choice but to wait for him. I wasn't sacrificing anything.

 

it is indeed a sacrafice....i have to bare a lot of the responsibilities of both the household and parenting, i had to sacrafice my job due to lack of child care, i have to sacrafice my best friend not ever knowing if he'll come back or not, i have to sacrafice both a my social life and my sanity....a sacrafice isnt neccesarily a negative thing, it just is what it is....and after 10 years of a relationship and 30 years of life, im pretty sure i know the difference.....i dont care about 'dates' with other guys and shit like that, i care about my family, and trust me when i say my family and i have had to make a lot of sacrafices for the greater good.

 

you have to remember that you are not perfect so no one will love you the exact way you are. I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago. If you have realistic dreams and are willing to communicate but also bit your tongue with something stupid comes up there is no reason you can't have a great relationship.
But what do I know
I've only been married 20 years

 

are you still with him?

 

this^

for instance, what if your partner's job gets relocated, moving and leaving your own life behind is a sacrifice. sacrifice does not have to have a negative connotation. and relationships can require work. not work as in fixing things, but working to communicate and listen to each other etc.

 

your situation is obviously a lot more serious than mine was, and i didnt mean any disrespect. In a way i was simply arguing semantics. it could be labeled a sacrifice or it could be labeled something you simply do because you love him. sounds like a pretty tough situation either way.

no he came back from iraq a completely different person. He left as a sweet, introspective, sensitive guy and he came back as a cocky insensitive jerk with a wandering eye. I tried to make it work for almost a year after that, but then i realized that by trying to mold myself to this new person, i was sacrificing myself. thats actually when i received the advice about how relationships shouldnt feel like work and partners should never have to change for each other.

 

well, i agree that neither person should have to change, nor can you truly make a person change to fit your criteria

 

you don't have to but you will want to for the right person

 

the right person will be someone you dont have to change for.

 

how long have you been with the person you're with?

 

but you may have to change your lifestyle for them, if youre truly in love....