any other military wives out there?

first of all let me say, if youve wandered into this thread out of curiosity, boredom, or looking to bitch about politics and how the military is wrong...blablabla, just do yourself a favor and fuck off now....

second of all, im here because im dealing with our first deployment and i find it really difficult....i do have hobbies, i do have children, i have things to occupy my time and mind, but im still struggling a lot- i may even be becoming depressed. I would imagine that this is "normal" but i dont want to spend my next year depressed....Im having a really hard time adjusting to this, and dont/ wont discuss this with him.....he needs to worry about staying alive-i dont want him worrying about me and my emotions.

does anyone have any experience in this department? advice? words of wisdom?

 

I am interested in this thread as my brother is in school for IEDs. I never reckoned I cared about my brother much, but this has brought on a bit of stress and nervousness. (Whether it's for him, his wife and his kid, other family such as my mum, or for me, I dunno)
Still don't know if he'll be deployed or whatnot, of course; but it would be nice hearing some thoughts on how to deal with it.

I kinda wanna ask my Grandma, as she knew many, including her husband, that were in WWII; but I don't wanna stress her out any.

My mum's route is complete denial that anything bad could happen, and faith in the good lord. Not one I can take.

 

How long is his deployment?
Will he be able to email you where he is going? Being able to keep some sort of contact might help.

Get a calendar and cross off the days as you go. I do that to get through the school year...yes I'm a loser.

Hang in there MaryJ, you're a strong person.

 

I'm an Army brat who lived on an Army base during Viet Nam and saw a lot of grief. My son spent some time in Iraq a few years ago and his ship got shot at but nothing else happened. Don't be afraid to talk to your husband about how you feel. You are only human. There must be other wives on base that you can talk to also.

 

no there really isnt other wives i can talk to here, everyone keeps to themselves or sticks to wives with husbands in the same unit....

most of the guys in my husbands unit are single/divorced whatever.

i feel like im seriously losing it, he will be gone till next december home only for 2 weeks in that span of time. I am having a hard time finding things to occupy myself, i am having a hard time getting out of bed everyday and each day seems more difficult than the last

i dont feel strong anymore, i feel weak, and i donnt feel that he understands how i feel- this is a really shitty fucking feeling and perhaps the most difficult phase of my life....it didnt help that i had to quit my job for this due to lack of childcare and now its winter and i feel like a total shut in.....

i dont know why i wrote all this, and dont expect anyone to understand but i just needed to get it off my chest.

 

I can't relate to your particular situation, but I can relate very well to severe emotional stress - years of it.

If it helps to talk about it here: Keep doing it. Would keeping a journal help? Writing a book? That's one of the things I'm doing.

Getting involved in some cause - helping others in similar situations or another situation that weighs on your heart. Anything you can do to help someone else helps you.

Thank God for online communities. If there are no wives on base who want to talk, look around some more online - Hipforums is just a start. I'll bet you'll find somewhere at least one online community for military wives. If not - consider creating one! Take that stress and turn it into a positive, creative force.

Do you have any interests that are so engrossing that they make you forget to be stressed for even a little while? I play computer games - but that might not be any good for you - plus you have kids to look after.

 

I am a military spouse I dont really like the military but i have to deal with it.


feel free to pm me anytime. or I can giv eyou my contacts, and we can talk further. My husband was deployed twice that we have been together. wasn teasy, I was pregnant the 2nd time around, and gave birth while he was gone. Not easy by any means.

if you need anything i am here for you. It can be insanely depressing but it does get easier.
<3 Many hugs.

 

That's a really long deployment, isn't it? Do you have family nearby, if you don't maybe you could plan a few trips to visit?

Give yourself small goals and things to look forward to. You need that.

How old are your kids MJ?

 

i was pregnant when he went to basic training and soldier qualification, which was about a year in all(and he missed the birth of our son)....it was tough, but it wasnt the same kind of tough as now....this is much different........I dont even want to talk to the stupid military family counsellor or any of that crap, the thought of it makes me feel even shittier and that seems to be everyones solution....

im sick of the people in my life pretending that they get "it" and offering me half hearted support- that also makes me feel shittier cause i dont feel like i can truly open up to them or tell them how i am actually doing....its kind of like the people who ask you how youre doing but dont wait for the answer and its lame and very annoying. id rather you just didnt talk to me at all if thats the case...know what i mean?!

thank though, i appreciate your support and admire your strength:love:

 

yeah it is a really long deployment and thats part of my "anger"?! its supposed to be canadas last rotation there so they have to stretch it a little further i guess....its called the "clean up rotation" whatever the fuck that means

i do have family about 4 hours away, but i have a son in school and activities so i cant really go as much as id like to....

i know youre right that i need small goals and things to look forward to, as it stands right now my goals are to get through a day without having a mental break down and looking foward to going to bed, pathetic right?!

i have a 2 year old and a 7 year old, the 2 year old is not doing so well- which i blame myself for, but he also really misses his daddy which breaks my heart and makes me even sadder and the cycle continues on and on.

i just go between being really angry and really sad, i have few and far between fleeting moments where im almost baseline, but thats quite rare.

hopefully i'll just get over it one of these days

 

I know I'm not in your position so I can't fully understand, but I'm on here almost every day if you want to pm me.

The 2 year old will be fine, kids bounce back quickly, and after this is done he will barely remember it when he's older. My parents actually split up when I was that age, and then got back together later, and I barely remember my dad being gone.

:grouphug:

 

my gf left me while i was in ganny stan and iraq.. taking my newborn son with her.. the dunt. she couldnt handle the pressure..

 

youre right, he will be fine! and so will I....Im still learning to adjust I guess, somedays are better somedays i wonder....

thank you though, i really appreciate it! <3

 

leaving isnt an option for me, i could never and would never dream of leaving him- we've been together for 10 years and been through way harder shit than this.....even though i cant imagine over a year a part, with each day feeling like an entire month, i would wait forever just to have him back in my arms aww, so lame lol.

im sorry that she did that to you though, what a bitch! i hear that it happens a lot in the military...ive actually seen it with my owne eyes...my neighbor did it to her husband....and ive heard other awful stories along the same lines....she probably did you a favor in the end though? it couldnt of been meant to be if she wasnt willing to wait for you?!

 

No feelings are too lame or too impolite to post here - you should say exactly how you feel as much as you need to say it.

 

thanks zen, i appreciate your words of wisdom and support as well


i do actually feel better after this thread it was nice to finally say all those things out loud and realize how im truly feeling

 

Damn right.

And we'll be here tomorrow too, I'll betcha.

 

ill be back as well, i feel more comfortable posting here than on "military wife support forums"...i dont know why, maybe cause this more my home, maybe cause i have "friends" here, but to post on one of those forums i feel like id somehow be losing a part of who i am.

 

i play poker, which i love.....and am pretty damn good at.....i paint, and i write....i struggle with the journal thing, but i think youre also right about that, i should try a little harder and not get so emo and frustrated.....i cant do the online community thing with other wives as i mentioned in my other post,....but i surely can volunteer some of my time to someone in need....i'll def look into that

 

To be honest, I'm not so good at journaling either. I need to feel like someone is listening. So my journaling consists of writing long emails almost every day to a friend. She hardly ever responds, but she told me I can say anything I want to her and I know she's reading my shit, and that helps me.

Emo and frustration are part of the experience. You can try to fight it sometimes, and sometimes you'll even be successful. Other times it will defeat you. Let it. Feel it, note what you're feeling, where it comes from - just keep in mind that it's temporary. And it will pass, and you'll be happier sometimes.

Just hang in there. You're meant to do this, and you'll end up stronger for it.