Hey everyone let me introduce my self- I'm a 15 year old guy with a very complicated " love" situation. I don't think this girl is the love of my life because i know im way to young to realise that. How ever shes the only girl I currently know that could possibly be that person. Her name is emily. shes the same age as me, shes very pretty ( I see her as the prettiest girl I know). For about a year we have been nothing more then friends and liking each other on and off. It gets extremely complicated at times. It started out with her liking me. She would flirt with me when we hung out, and we became very close. I started liking her and it seemed as if something was going to happen. throughout this time I remember being jealous when she was with other guys. She also tended to flirt with them. So one night when we were talking on the phone ( We talked every single night for a bout 4 months), She said, almost randomly, " I think we should should go out". My heart dropped. I was shocked... It took me a few seconds to reply, and I said, "what do you mean?", she replied " Fine dont". "No, No I want to, I just didnt know like what you meant by saying we should" I said. She explained that she wanted me to ask her out at the beginning of the school year, next year ( It was march at the time so that was like 6 monthes away). She told me the reason for this was because she didnt want a boy friend. The Next 6 monthes were filled with constant drama. She liked me- she didn't like me- she liked someone else- she didnt like that person. But she stil always kept me in her life, like i was in the back of my head. before the summer started, she told me to ask her out at the start of the summer, which was like a week from that point. I figured this time she was serious, because it was a short period of time in between. So the summer came along, I asked her... and not surprisingly she said no. The NEXT DAY. She made out with another guy (not just any guy, a fairly good friend of mine). This made me so upset i couldn't handle it. I talked it over with her again, and we became friends again. In between all of this, I did manage to get with her at one point, when we were alone in her house but even so, the whole thing happened again and again, until I had enough. I said Fuck it. I met this girl who really liked me. I went out with her. Things were going pretty well. But i still missed emily. My girlfriend didnt compare to her. I tried to make it work but I couldnt, i dated her for almost 2 months. Emily got a boyfriend during this time, but did nothing with him and broke up quickly. One night when I was drunk, I called her. I couldnt resist it . I just started talking just like we used to. Never ran out of things to say, always made eachother laugh. Soon after i broke up with my gf, not becuase of emily, but for other reasons (just wasnt really working out). Me and emily continued talking. We began talking every day like we used to, but hiding any feelings we had for eachother. Tonight, we hung out, got pretty drunk. And I just threw my feelings out there. We briefly kissed, but she stopped. Later that night we talked on the phone, and ccame to the conlusion... We are stuck. We both cant live with out eachother ( Yes i know it sounds childish/over dramatic but it is true) and we both realize if we dated things would get VERY complicated. We dont know what to do. We cant stay in the current situation. It hurts us both... we both get jealous of eachother, often. I really think the only solution is to date eachother, but first off- I dont really feel comfortable suggesting it, and second things would really get complicated with friends and other things. A couple things i forgot to add- - I did make emily out to be a total bitch in this story, but in all honesty i dont think she meant any of it, she is my bestfriend and i really do love her and I would do anything for her. - The thing that really complicates us dating is she has this guy who lives down the block from her who she "likes" and has been hooking up with for some time now. She cant really stop seeing him, and me and him have had trouble in the past, and if me and emily date, he is definitely going ot start a fight with me ( not scared of him at all, hes smaller then me, but if he gets friends/family evolved it could get bad). So over all, i know this is a wall of text and I dont expect anyone to read this if they dont want to. But If you do, please help me out. Its a shitty time in our lives to have to deal with these types of problems, but I know if something good comes out of it, It will be worth it. Thank you -kevin
Dude, when you're 15 everything seems like "the one," "the most," "the only," "forever," etc... but it's only because you are young and haven't had much time or experience to compare to. One thing I have learned in life so far is that sometimes you can get along so well with a person in some aspects but other parts of yor relationship just never seem to fit together. It's usually the key parts that need to fit together in order for it to work. It's confusing and doesn't make sense bc you think you are so close to this person you are just meant to be together but you can't seem to make it work. I'm not trying to be down on you but it sounds like she has no idea what she wants.. which is perfectly normal for a 15 year old girl. I was a 15 year old girl once and I remember what it was like. I don't think you should have to cut her out of your life completely but you should back off for a while to give each other space and to have a break from the hurt and frustration when she flip flops and hangs with other guys. Spend some time on yourself for a while and work on building your relationships with your other friends and meet new ones. You have plenty of time ahead to invest the time and energy into a serious relationship, it doesnt sound like it's going to happen with this one though and that's okay. There are so many wonderful people in this world to meet and have in your life. Go find them
I understand what you are saying, and thank you very much for your advice. Let me clarify though:Its just Ive had Girl friends before this that I thought were special... but this girl had me star struck... at least in the beginning. she was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and the very last thought at the end of the night. I said in the beginning, I dont think shes the "one", How ever I think she is a candidate for that and i really dont want to lose her.
i certainly can't say for sure, but my guess is that when she told you "ask me out on this day" she actually meant "ask me out now, you puss!" and when you didn't she assumed you weren't going to. at this point, i wouldn't necessarily say to cut her off, but at least back off quite a bit for a while. nothing is likely to happen if you don't, except a lot of misery for you. is your rival a monkey?
I agree with the previous posters. She has no idea what she wants and her emotions are all over the place. I guarantee you, if you started going out with her, she'll leave you or cheat on you. Be her friend, that's the most valuable person to her right now. If you get really emotionally attached and she hurts you, then you're fucked. Give it time, allow the two of you to develop into people who don't depend on another person. Love each other, but don't depend on each other.
ah, yes, the teenage years! looking back on those years now, it is just so goddamn hard to belive that, the now 54 year old man, was once a shit for brains of a 15 year old teenage fool. mate, all i can tell you is this; at 15 i was where you are now. belive me; there is no way in all of heaven and hell, i would never, ever, want to be 15 again, and going through the shit your going through right now... been there and done that, IT AIN'T ONE BIT OF GODDAMN FUN AT ALL!:sad: i wish, growing up was not such a motherfucking pain in the ass that it is! that is just the way reality is mate. man, i did not make it that way.:banghead:
Thanks everyone for the advice. I still haven't come to a conclusion but its nice knowing people have been going through the same thing i have. I agree growing up does kind of suck but i dont mind it too much, this is the only thing that really brings me down :sunny: . I also understand that she is a typical 15 year old girl and I know they have trouble making up their minds when it comes to boys. Really confusing, that teenage girls beg for a guy that really likes them and cares about them, and when they get that guy they dont appreciate it. Well Im sure it will all work itself out in the end. I think ill just wait till shes ready to talk, and go from there on. thanks again, lots of help -Kevin oh and PS- To I'minmyunderwear... I suggested we go out at that point, but she insisted we wait, I believe her reason was that she didnt want a boy friend right then.
Man, don't get with her. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. I'm trying to save you here man, my first relationship (that I had for almost 5 years) was ruined because of dumb shit that I could have prevented. Just stop trying to get with her, cut off all contact. Girls at that age CAN'T BE TRUSTED. There are a few exceptions, but this chick is not one. Trust me, I have more fucked up girl-stories than anyone you know. PM me if you need any answers. Just please listen to me......
Dont get sucked into that kind of thinking, many 3,4 times your age can be just as immature about this stuff as you and your gal friend. However she's probably the first out of a dozen or so 'loves of your life' - most of whom you wont discuss with your current girlfriend/wife
This. I didn't read most of the first post, or most of those since, because I know how it goes... SLLLLOOOOOWWW the fuck down, be calm, don't let her make you say one thing or another, don't cater to her weekly/however often mood swings about you, decide what you want, and work toward that. If you want to date her, date the bitch, if you don't, don't. Just do it, sounds like she's a bit unstable, but you have the upper hand because you're prominent in her life and she's more devoted to you than either of you know. If I got that all wrong, it's because I lack reading comprehension skillz, mostly the reading part:mickey:
first off, theres no standard measurement for love. It's a feeling of one person toward something. It's relative to oneself. Can 15 year olds be in love? yep, On their level to them... it's love. Is it as strong as someones elses love for someone? whos to say? Don't use someone else's measurement of love as your own. Listen to your heart. It's a learning process that takes time, a lot of time. second, If you do love her, and shes your first true love... you'll always remember her and have a soft spot in your heart for her. This will not make things easier for you, you need to learn to deal with these feelings. What you do have is something very special. It sounds like a true friendship but if she is seeing other guys...she doesn't see you in that way... but as a close friend. It's hard to deal with at 15 and you'll confuse everything as a signal for she "wants" you. Accept her as a friend and look elsewhere, This will not be heathly for your development if you continue on this way. it also isn't fair to you since you have feeling for her that are different then hers for you. FYI: thats not easy to deal with at any age, just as you get older you learn to get away from that stuff and not waste your time. Your still a pup, just remember you'll learn from these sort of things. Your Dad believe it or not will understand completely. He's been there... he won't be able to help anymore then us however on the advice side. You just need to learn how to sort these things out... which isn't easy at any age. What your dad may be able to do is understand where your at and show supportive strength. A older brother would be a help here also. Sounds shes afraid of her true feelings for you and wanting to lose you as a real friend. Not much you can do for that... It's nothing new, but nothing we've figured out yet either.
Thank you for your advice. I'm going to talk to her about this a couple more times and use the advice you guys gave me .If it happens that she decides to date me, well then there we go, If not, well I'll sure ill be able to get over her eventually :sunny:
Whoa man, a couple more times? In my personal opinion, if you have to talk to her more than once, you should most likely NOT be devoting yourself to this,think about the future dude. One sided relationships suck. Best of luck to you!
