I didn't know where quite to put this thread.. But uhmm.. Oh well. Anyways, I'm very experienced with tripping. Over the past few years i've been trying to sober up. But along the way, i've been smoking weed. I used to trip on stuff all the time. Stuff like DXM, DMT, LSD, 2C-B, LSA, Ayauscha, etc. Last time I smoked weed was 5 months ago.. And it was laced with PCP.. Now take note I haven't tripped in a long time until that happened.. I think I opened some doors in my mind that wasn't supposed to be open.. I haven't been quite right since that happened.. I'm afraid i'll stop breathing.. Cause during the high I kept having to force myself to breathe. I was also really freaked out by riding in a car.. and the noises they make.. The motion of riding past stuff would freak me out. I'm suffering from high amounts of anxiety induced depersonalization. I don't know what to do. I've had to have my addiction psychatrist to put me on new medicines to control my heartrate and everything. If i'm not on beta blockers, i'll have many heart palpitations. They are very uncomfortable and sometimes it feels like a heart attack. I don't know what to do though.. I've had someone suggest to me that maybe I need to trip again to permently close those open doors. But is it worth the risk? I'm so scared I'll lose my sanity.. Cause I almost did last time. I just want to be normal again.. I don't want to have these doors open for the rest of my life. My doctor says he never knew how fragile my mind was until now. He says don't even smoke or drink anymore.. It could ruin everything. What do you think I should do?
Lots of tough questions. PCP - people should do it if they want to but I really wish they went into it understanding it was a very, very powerful dissociative rather than a psychedelic. Obviously, I would never admit to being a doctor or scientist and this is only personal, not professional advice. Anyway, a positive, gentle, psychedelic experience at a low to medium dose might be exactly what you need. What does that mean? I'm not sure, but I do know you can eliminate some things from a list that might help to heal your wound and resulting anxiety: 1.) All dissociatives and dissociative/psychedelic/anaesthtics such as DXM, Ketamine, PCP, Salvia Divinorum, etc. 2.) Really high doses of LSD or mushrooms. 3.) All forms of DMT. 4.) Medium doses of mushrooms. Okay, that still leaves you a lot of potential to work with. Clean, strong, trustworthy LSD is all it's hyped up to be and more in terms of it's ability to offer insight to the motivated user. The buzz here seems to be that White on White and Shiva's fit this description. MDMA sounds ideal for your situation. 2CB at 25mgs or lower also sounds ideal. Even a so-called Nexus Flip sounds like it might have potential . . . MDMA followed a couple/few hours by 2CB. Don't quote me here but I believe the Shulgin's recommend opposite order, 2CB followed by MDMA to help consolidate insights. It would be ideal of course if you could do psychedelic therapy with a therapist, but given that that is illegal, you would be hard-pressed to find a legitimate, qualified and trustworthy provider. I would also recommend starting a journal. Start writing it down. Write down what happened on that PCP trip and how you have felt since, what it meant to you. Write down the specifics on the anxiety symptoms and how it affects your life and then try to take a close look at what is really scaring you. You have some hard work ahead of you, but just reading your post, I suspect you are more than up to the challenge. I am very sorry you are having these difficulties and don't mean to sound trite, but the truth is you might find this time to be generative of HUGE amounts of personal growth in the long run. Good luck in your quest for personal peace!
When you start feeling bad, just ask yourself why? Why would you make yourself feel bad? You have control over your thoughts, you are the controller and director. Just bring yourself back to center and keep asking yourself why you would allow yourself to feel this way. It's your mind, you just need to remind yourself that you have control over it.
There are some medications I take you should be aware of.. Strattera, Geodone, Suboxone, Metaprolol, B12, Magnesium, Stimulant Laxatives, Stool Softners. Also, I was thinking about finding a clinic that does ibogaine.. I heard that would help kick my addiction for good.. But couldn't it also help me find closure?
not every condition is mental. you have to factor chemical imbalances. maybe his pcp killed some neuron cells. there are ppl that hav done shit and fucked them up permanently, and its "not all in their head". bro, try trippin again and keep with the meds and psychiatry. goodluck. i feel your pain, anxiety sucksass.
