My fiance has been lying to me for two years and I'm not sure how I should handle it.

Yeah, I've never lied to her. Oh yeah, I did once. I wanted pancakes for dinner one night, she didn't, so I went to the Waffle House after work and got me some waffles to go, and ate them in my car. When she asked if I had eaten I said "no." When I couldn't finish the spaghetti she made, I came clean. Seriously, that's it.

So enlighten me then. How am I being childish? How would me knowing the truth hurt her kid? It's not like I'd say anything to him. What would an adult, by your definition, do in this situation?

To be honest I don't even think the oldest knows who his dad is. I can empathize. I spent much of my life with my dad almost entirely out of the picture.

 

put it in her ass

 

Well, there ya go, there are 5 people in this family, not just one or two


Concentrate on the intent of the lie, not the lie itself. She lied to protect the kid, and didnt want you thinking she was a hoe cos she had several kids with different dads.

Its not like she lied about a part time job as a hooker, or syphoning off your bank account

Be a man, sit her down, say I know who the eldest kids dad is, and I understand why you didnt tell me.

Act like a child and whine "You lied to me! mimimimimi mi". She's probably going to react like "Dude, I already have two kids, I dont need another"



Or you can dump her, she gets a better guy, eldest gets a better step dad, and you go off having a string of short term relationships cos you dump them every time they "lie" about stupid shit

 

or you could take the advice other people have given you in this thread

 

You cant have a relationship built on lies- I really feel for you...

Sorry im not much help, may you find the answers and be happy
xxx

 

Why?, as usual I am right, everyone else is wrong

 

Just talk to her about it, and ask her why she lied. See how you feel then.

 

I thinks it's a fairly important detail considering the fact that we're engaged. What if the dad comes back around, huh? Wanting to get to know his kid, wanting her back, etc? Should I just take that in stride too, maybe act like none of it's happening? I think it's a pretty big deal considering the circumstances (you know, the wedding).

I mean, did she really expect me to never to find out? Really?

And yeah, I'm pretty sure she lied to keep herself from looking like a hoe, considering the fact that we had only gone out a few times when I asked her. Intent is issue number one, which is why it's so disheartening that she would've lied about a detail like that?

 

As you said though, it's likely that her intent was to spare herself the humiliation, so is it really that bad?

Being lied to hurts, but it's likely that this is an isolated issue and considering the likely cause of her lying, it seems like not a huge issue.

Think of how that poor little boy must feel. He sees the other kid interact with his father. He must feel so terrible. That seems like the bigger issue to me.

 

then ask her about it!

 

Here's a thought...How long ago did the lie begin? From the start? Maybe she didn't know it was going to get this serious between the two of you and she was too ashamed to tell you about the jailbird. Now she feels trapped in the lie.

Yeah, you need to talk to her. Don't jump down her throat, have a discussion, and ask her about it.

.

 

OP...that is not a big lie...there is probably a good explanation and you will feel like an idiot for doubting the women you love once you ask her about it...everything isnt always black and white...sometimes there is a grey area

 

she was going to marry him and never tell him

 

To the OP:

Here's what I have to say: after reading everything here, log out, step away from the computer, take some time to think about what you've read, then talk to your fiancee. You've gone through four pages of posts. It's time to act.

 

Ditto

 

Just tell her that you have found out, and know everything, and say no more. If she asks what you know, just say 'You know...' Then she might spill her guts and tell you about something that you had no idea about, and is much more important. If she acts funny and insists on knowing what you know and won't divulge anything then you have a hard decision to make as there could be other things going on that you don't know about.

 

In my opinion and that's the only thing I am basing my response on is a relationship built on lies is a shaky foundation for a life together .I mean come on if she lied about this she has probably lied about other things as well. A relationship should be built on trust .I mean you are engaged and she still hasn't come clean on this and you have found it out from someone else .This to me does not signal a healthy ,positive relationship .I wish you the best and I really hope it works out for you .You must do what is right for you .Take care

 

think of how the kid feels, or how'd he feel if this caused trouble for his mom and you... Be calm, tell her what you know, give her a chance to explain. Don't get to hung up on the "lie" thing. This isn't is a big deal... she may just be ashamed she had a kid with some douche. It's got to be on her mind too... the more understanding you are the stronger your relationship will grow from this. just let her know there isn't anything you don't love about her so she doesn't need to hide anything. she'll come clean on that. Step up and be a real Dad for this kid. You've got a chance to be awesome here and be a hero in her eyes. just make sure she knows to tell you stuff..this isn't how you want to find stuff out.

 

yes she was...but we dont know,nor does he,what is going on ie the reason she lied...also...dude might be mistaken...the person at the second pic might be the one that was lied to..


...VH..usually i am more ruthless..i just have a feeling on this one that there is more to this story...sometimes people lie to protect the one they love because they just dont know what else to do.

 

Yeah, is it possible that the older child doesn't know who his real father is and the lie is to keep the child safe from a dangerous father? I don't know but I think there's a lot of good opinions being given in this post and maybe you should take the advice of Musikero, take it all on board, think about it and then decide on your plan of action. Seems to me that the relationship is working and you don't want to flush it down the pan without finding out what's going on. All in all it's not that big a deal in the big scheme of things!