I wanna give up on the idea that "I" contemplate on life more than the average person

Who would entrain such a ridiculous idea.

Popular science has already established that we descended from rocks that decided to get up and start living, then evolve into fish, which evolved into apes, which had sex with other apes, then evolved into us.

 

Lunarverse ruined another thread for me by posting the perfect post

 

When I look back on a bunch of people I didn't give the time of day to because they didn't seem cool (or as liberal, or as open minded, or as open to drugs as me), but from who I could have probably learned a lot, I feel like I missed out.

A few specific times: in college when I majored in CS/Math (before a lot of people even had computers and before the web). I always thought of the others as nerdy and not open minded. I remember my dad urging me to combine my CS stuff with the art stuff I did, but I thought that would be unnatural. Now I realize a lot of the early CS pioneers were into acid and many of the same things I was doing, they just didn't feel the need to make it obvious. It helped them come up with a lot of the ideas about networking and using the Internet for the web, etc. I also think I should have taken my dad's advice, but I always thought he just didn't understand things as deeply as me. I still don't totally connect to him now, but I really like to know his opinion on things. He has enlightened me many times now that I listen (sometimes).

I also wish I knew more about my Dad's parents who died a while ago. They were English, and not the most affectionate people. I kind of took offense to that, and felt like they were non-caring. Now that I know more about them, I realize they were ultra liberal, and probably very cool. I wish I had gotten to know them better.

I'm probably doing the same thing with some people now. I do try to really listen to people more and argue with them less, even when I feel like I completely disagree with them and part of me thinks they are clueless.

I just thought of something that kind of sounds cool, but is probably just a platitude (if that's the right word):
You can learn a lot more about yourself listening to other people than you can learn about other people by listening to yourself.

 

you can learn alot from other people, but you still need to protect your own identity and your own truth. otherwise people will totally dominate you. have a healthy respect for yourself and a healthy respect for other human beings as well. maybe, going to a bar isn't what you are looking for, lol. find a more intellectual expression that appeals more to the person that you are.

maybe what you are noticing in other people at bars is the same idyllic apathy within yourself?

everything, always, comes back to you.

now it may be the case that you are not seeing in the world what you want to see, but that takes time, patience, and a certain measure of truth.

:2thumbsup:

i agree with your most of your post, but no, fuck those people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_-QGNUYL5g"]YouTube - Rage Against The Machine-Bullet in your head

and for reference, here's whats in my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N31oFeinFY"]YouTube - TV on the Radio - DLZ

 

Writer, laid down some very good and simple rules. Agreed on all points, and points I will keep in mind. I will have to work on #4 and #6 for my own personal conclusions, but I like and was edging towards #3 and will try to use it as a reminder.

This would be a lot easier if people would f'n SAY their mental personal opinions and contributions to the world more often, but it is often times I feel people would much rather just play along.

You can meet me the first second, and I am the type that will tell you almost anything. Social rules/expectations generally just dumb down conversations, and add a chunkload of time 'getting to know someone' before you get anywhere worthwile -- this was one aspect why especially at a place like a bar, where I felt no one is really getting to know anyone, I got frustrated.

--- but alas,

If I am to close the gap between me and my expectation of others, this is something I need to work on.

*In general, I do think I am more thoughtful, trusting, honest, and ready to see the world at a step or two ahead of less selfish-ness than a lot of others, but those are my personal goals, and I need to have an open eye to see what values are hidden in others, rather than use it as an ego-trip.

-- And every ego is self-delusional to a certain degree. Just expressing mine is really getting in the way of meshing with a large majority of others.

Wanted to add: It's an on-going phase of sorts, something silly all egos and minds do. I am sure everyone has thought it one way or another. I just wanted to start dealing with it better.

 

My point is that, even if you are, so what?

 

I came from Ethiopia at age 5, Ethiopian family, aunts, uncles, etc.

I was 5. Moved here, so didn't really fit in with that culture.

Started school at that age, with white folk, didn't speak english the first year -- didn't fit in with that culture either.

Because of that small lag, and being left in between both sides, with no comfort place of my own at the young age of 5, I was behind in the friend department, picked on, and always felt alone and 'different.' I'd say all the way up till middle of high school is when I finally learned to get in with others. This left A LOT of time for self-consciousness and an ego to grow -- no doubt an ego that abused the idea that I was "different" from others. Even nowadays I notice I diverge on opinions, sometimes even for the sake of it.

An ego, that started developing way too early and too much in my opinion. I would constantly be in my head since the age of whatever 'cuz it was just me on my own, trying to figure shit out, wedge my way into someplace to fit, etc.

Fun times.

 

If I can be frank it sounds like your problem is that your ego might be a little inflated. I'm not saying your life wasn't crummy at some points, but it sounds a little like you're playing a victim role which is often synonymous with feeling like an outsider, feeling smarter than, and feeling that most other people, "just don't understand," or aren't important as.


It sounds more like you have a desire to fit in and belong. Feeling like you're somehow more intellectual or your thoughts have more validity isn't going to make you many friends.

Because you feel your opinion is more valid?

I'd recommend you work on being more humble and not be so self important. I mean this nicely. As long as you feel that other people aren't on your level, you'll have a hell of a hard time getting along with others.

 

No I can agree with inflated ego/victim role. And I won't take offence.
I also think it could be the case of an ego that started to grow and fuel itself early early on, since the age of 7 or 8, it was basically just me and my head until I made some friends.

I don't personally think I'm any　more intellectual...
Just trying to find a healthy train of thought.

 

Know that your opinions are just thoughts. Everyone has their own thoughts and everyone has their own ideas and opinions. Chances are you're not going to change theirs, just as they won't change yours.

We can learn a lot just from listening to other people. If nothing else it's interesting to note the way others think and see the world.

Maybe just getting out there, learning new things, meeting new people, finding a hobby or two will ease your mind a bit. It sounds like you're too inside yourself and too aware of your own thoughts. I've been there many times before, it isn't fun at all.

Just go outside, quit thinking and do some new things. Don't always try to figure out or think about what is going on, just let it happen and witness it while it's happening. You can be a part of what's going on and you can perceive what's going on without having to over analyse it.

 

George Thorogood drank alone bro. He didn't second-guess himself about it either he wrote a bad ass song.

 

I think what you are dealing with is being an introverted romantic in an extroverted materialistic world.

Also, trying to compare yourself to a standard is a slippery slope, as was said earlier.

I went through a period of my life with a similar mentality, and it took many psychedelic sessions, meditation, a Zen mentality, as well as being brutaly honest with myself to realize I was for the most part just being a judgemental asshole.

I'm not sure that you are that, but this is what this mentality I had consisted of.

Look at these people all laughing and having fun, content to be concerned only with sports, one night stands, and popular rap music. No one thinks deeply like I do, like, why is there the phenomenon of being at all? or What does it mean that every living thing shares the same DNA code? Although I am clearly far unhappier than all of these shallow people, I am a better person because I think deeply about important things, rather than shallowly about trivial things. I am much better off that way too.

Slowly I began to realizer that
a) I'm not happy with this personality/paradigm
b) Many people who I considered to be extroverted/materialistic were exactly the type of people I want to surround myself with, but was unable to because of my judgemental attitudes/burned bridges.
c) being judgemental/antisocial/ not-a-team-player, while being a deep thinker, makes me much less of a 'good person' than anyone who is not a deep thinker and the opposite of those things.

I've come to the conclusion that one of the popular downfalls of doing psychedelics is elitism, where one feels that since they have experienced something so incredibly meaningful, abstract, and divine as a full-on psychedelic experience, they feel they must be in multiple ways, better than all those who have not experienced those things.

Psychedelics amplify your mind- thats it. How you choose to amplify what parts of your ego is the real factor in whether or not they are beneficial. The claim that psychedelics automatically make you a better person by taking them is complete bullshit. They have the potential to make you a better person, they also have the potential to make you a much worse person. And still 'better' and 'worse' person is subjective/matter of opinion. You have to know how to use them to expand your awareness rather than diminish it, but they will do both. And finally, don't confuse thinking deep thoughts with expanding your awareness, they are not the same.

Also one other thing I should mention here, if you're into this sort of thing.
Get a cutting of Ayahuasca. Pray to it, ask it to heal you, imbibe it in teas too weak to give you a buzz. Research the folk lore about it. Keep the cutting near your bed for x amount of months, devote a lot of your introverted energy to it- the type that you were experiencing at the bar. I am convinced it helped me with the very problems you seem to be having. Its an amazing plant.

Good luck

Namaste

 

Some solid advice. Been reading and thinking on a lot of it. I am putting the lid on myself more often, not trying to hog the communal attention, so to speak. 'Everyone is different, so therefore should never be compared to each other.' -- as some say.

With that we can then choose to bring our small individual-ness to contribute in harmony towards the whole. This helps me not only alienate myself from the whole a lot less, but also just take a chill pill and join others, and see what I 'may' learn or 'may' contribute -- I am not as hell bent to have everyone see things 'my way.' I can comfortably float in the sea of mixed ideas, viewpoints, ideals, or whatever with a lot less need to shape or move it (in vain even perhaps) a specific way.

:afro:
Peaceness

 

just make sure that by expanding awareness in one area, we don't just close it of in another.

 

I second the point about being an introvert and being raised in an extrovert world. I think a lot of us in forums such as this have spent life ostracized in some way due to a more passive, perhaps more observant personality. This can lend itself to egotism and contempt for the masses, understandably. No one likes feeling left out. It can also lead to innovations that might not have occurred in a more socially accepted person. I wonder how many scientific advancements were facilitated by that personality type. Also I wonder if introverts on an ego trip stand out much more than extroverts on an ego trip.

Also consider the egotism of those you find yourself judging. They could be members of a moose lodge, masons, part of an elitist religion, social clubs. It's very natural for humans to claim a special role for themselves in some way, to feel set apart from the masses. I'm fine with an Ivory Tower designation of it. Maybe it has to do with the dramatic increase of population in the past 50 years or so. We are social creatures yet there is such a large pool of us it's easy to feel alienated from it all, so we react by clinging to a certain subset with whom we identify. Rather than worrying about whether you're considering yourself "better," I'd consider it "better off," or "better for you." Either way you look at it, it is better.

That said, there is no denying that some people are smarter than others, so what? Smarter =/= Superior. If you're bored by others who you don't think are very intellectual, it doesn't necessarily make you elitist any more than someone who raves every weekend would be bored at a gun show for example. Who ever said that being smart or profound is some kind of end-all be-all of human existence? You have your gifts, others have theirs. If they don't turn you on and vice versa, fuck em.

Transcendental experiences don't have to mean constant effort to be unblemished from human folly. IMO it's simply releasing the indigenous You, who may or may not get off on spending time with others of different persuasions. My opinion, if you feel like you're in a condescending, Ivory Tower position, embrace it. Congrats, you're human, and maybe that acknowledgement might give you more insight into others' thought patterns.

IME when I quit stressing about whether or not I'm taking an elitist position, I realize I'm much more similar to others than I previously thought. Sometimes I feel like a bitter outsider, sometimes I feel united with my fellow humans. Experience the various flavors of human existence, and know there is no perfect one.

 

A year ago i would've told you I was extroverted (Never questioned it or gave it thought till recently). I enjoy big parties. If the mood strikes, and after some drinks to loosen up, I'm usually the first to wander around, enter different groups and circles, enjoy, etc.

On the same token, I enjoy being introspective and thinking to myself as well.
I don't know what that means. I assume people can possess or lack either of both skills.

Anyone here feel they are both, or have a better understanding of it?
Can a highly introspective person get a kick out of extroverted situations? Does that make them extro? Intro? etc.

Hah, nice ponderings. I would assume an introspective person on an ego trip would be a lot more eccentric because they rarely speak out and all that time in their head alone, away from others will probably add weird points and make 'em stand out more.

 

"If the square may be defined as one who takes the game seriously, one must admire him for the very depth of his involvement, for the courage to be so far-out that he doesn't know where he started."

 

good quote. :sunny:
moreso for this thread..

 

‎"Once we understand that external reality cannot be separated from internal reality, it becomes very clear that negative energy within ourselves is very self-destructive. Emotional turbulence is a major barrier to the spontaneous fulfillment of desire. But when we transform negative energy into a higher level of awareness, we are on our way to mastering SynchroDestiny." ~ Deepak Chopra

 

fucking right on point ^