Having somewhat of an identity crisis here

well. I'm 18 male. please disregard the icon... anyway. I'm just starting college and completely confused. in terms of who I am I'm just confused as hell. I'm white (half hispanic) and just don't know who I associate with anymore. I've always been that nerdy shy kid throughout my life. Always had long hair. my whole life. always got shit for it. back when I had long hippie hair it wasn't cool like it is now. I was an outsider. I was that kid who wore flannel shirts and had long hair. a time where, at least in my life, flannel made people think I was more nerdy, and liked to dress formalish. of course this was way back before I even knew what a hipster was. Now I'm seeing lots of kids with long hair, and now EVERYONE wears flannel like its the 90s again. I'm already starting to be called a hipster. but how? I basically stopped wearing flannel. I'll admit it. I stopped wearing flannel at first because I couldn't stand being seen as a hiptser, and than overall just stopped liking the look of flannel shirts in general. With long hair, well, basically my hair just kept getting more and more messed up. It's weird. In the front its super curly, and in the back straight, so it looks like a ridiculous mullet. so I cut it, still longish, but not long hair anymore. anyway. shit... also. I just keep thinking... am I hipster? I don't associate myself with sports, or preppy image, so I guess it would have to be hipster? I personally HATE all things hipster and the whole hipster movement and mindset, but I mean... I guess I really am one. I try not to dress hipster to be different from all the hipsters, try really hard to find music no one else has heard of to call my own, and overall want to be liked by the cool kids. But I mean... where is it being a hipster or just being me? I like folk music and bluegrass. but apparently that makes me hipster. I don't really see how that makes me hipster, but I can see how one would easily see that as being hipster.

also. I am VERY into music. and want to be in a band very much. Yes I am in college, studying academics, but if I really look in myself, I want to be in a band. does that make me hipster? I want to be in a folk band and write my own songs. Does that make me hipster? I don't even know. I've seen so many "folk hipsters" these days, strutting around in tight flannels and intentionally ripped carharrt pants strutting around with a banjo around their shoulder. ugh... why can't it just be ME. I also REALLY wanted to be in a hardcore punk band over the summer. for some reason that whole scene was just really appealing to me. Basically I thought those people were the shit. Playing punk shows. It made me very jealous that I didn't know anyone to start a band with. so I just went to shows. after a while I couldn't do it tho. I just felt too much like a groupie. just supporting all these local acts. not playing. just going to their shows. It just felt like I was living for them. But all those crust punks and such... Are those the people I really idolized? Why did it all seem so appealing? Why the hell does being homeless seem appealing? and doing hardcore stuff like sleeping on the street. why does that seem so appealing to people??

This leads to another confusion in my life. My family is middle class. Were poor. but not homeless. Food is always there, and I'm enrolled in college, so a lot better off than an actual homeless person. but why do I feel so guilty? I just feel guilty, living in a dorm in college. I didn't pay for this. I'm supposed to feel like mature and independent, but I honestly feel more dependent than ever. I even have a freaking credit card... none of it money I earned. I want to get a job and feel independent, but it's just so discouraging. while others, other classmates of mine and such, actually have to get jobs, I realistically don't, because my parents would honestly give me money if I needed it, and... credit card... so it really would be JUST FOR The THRILL of it. I just feel like some snot-nosed spoiled college kid. I mean, I don't think thats how I am at all, but I mean. Isn't that really what I am?

Overall I'm just really confused on finding who I am. I keep struggling and obsessing as to what defines me, and then constantly telling myself no! nothing should define you! like I love music, but feel I can't even let that be me, because I've never been in a band, and don't feel that going anywhere at the moment. So what am I supposed to say. I'm just me? what the fuck does that mean anyway?

 

I don't understand why you feel guilty about your parents helping you with money while you're in collage. They probably want you to get a good education, so when you do graduate you can get a good job. When you have the good job then you can return the favor and maybe help your parents. As far as the clothes and music, do what ever comes naturally to you, do what you like. Stop trying to find your identity by comparing yourself to others, forget them, do what makes YOU happy when it comes to that kind of stuff:sunny:

 

whenever i see your posts i think you're mcleodganja.

 

^THIS.

Mind you, it may be in your nature to feel happier conforming to those around you. Don't be afraid of that either.

Whether you feel happier being your own person or by conforming to your immediate peers, you'd only call yourself hipster if that puts you way outside the mainstream. If you don't feel comfortable being outside the mainstream then being hipster is not in your nature.

 

life won't be perfect. You are young, you're gonna wanna 'fit in' and make it so, but the faster you realize that, the better.


Sounds like you need to man up a bit. Do you want a job? Then get one and work. Something tells me you'd rather not but then can't deal with the guilt of using mummy and daddys money. I can't help you there but if you're not going to work, just don't blow their money like a retard.

 

I’m sorry but the only advice I can offer is to put on a dress because you sound like a girl


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