First Dates

Hey there.

So, I met this girl online, chat for a couple days, talked on the phone for a few days, and we finally met yesterday.

I met her at her place, and we just chilled in her room for awhile, just chatting, she was being sorta flirty, resting her legs on me, etc. Later we go to a record store and pick up a couple vinyls, then go to a bar and have a drink. The date is going really well by this point. Eventually, we go back to her place, eat some food, and cuddle while watching TV. Sounds good, right?

We're cuddling, holding hands, etc. While I was leaving, there was a bit of awkwardness (you know, "should i kiss her, should i not, when should i kiss her," etc) but I eventually kissed her, and we made out for a short period in her driveway.

SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DATE, RIGHT?

Well, I'm just not so sure...

Before, when we were talking on the phone and online and stuff, she would always text me and want to talk to me and stuff, but later that night, when we were talking online, she seemed very distant, but she did say that she liked me (though not that enthusiastically). I am just very confused. I thought we had a good date, but the affection that we had in the date doesn't seem to still be there with her.

In your experience, do girls seem more distant after the first date? It just seems like she's not that into me, despite a date that seemed to go so well. I am the kind of person that gets attached to people quickly, so this is kinda eating me up haha.

 

Since she seems to be more distant now, do you think it's a good idea that I back off for a couple days? Or should I express my interest/affection?

 

Yea back off completely, don't contact her again until she contacts you. Find another girl to talk to in the meantime.

 

This is the worst advice anyone has ever given! Seriously every time someone has given me this advice it got fucked up.

Honestly I went on a really great date and then I didn't text the guy much (mainly because I worry that I'll annoy them/seem clingy.) Maybe its the same thing for her. Maybe she isn't as interested as you are.

 

It sounds to me like she's disappointed you didn't f*** her but is afraid of saying it. I could be wrong...it happens to me every blue moon or so.

 

I dunno man. I would appreciate it if a girl I just dated called me sometime. That tells me she's interested. I have called (in the days there were no cell phones), but never could connect. I'd leave her a message, she MIGHT leave me one.

Now, we have texting. Which is sweet. And voice mail. That's cool. REALLY cool because sometimes you can hear in their voice if they're really excited or not. Sometimes they are.

 

in my experience, they seem more distant as soon as they find out i'm interested...

opposite genders require different advice.

 

^ It's terrible advice regardless. If you back off completely, it could easily be interpreted as a lack of interest on your part - regardless of your or their gender.



My advice would be first off: calm down. Second off: be patient. And finally: just play it straight up, ask her what's up or if she enjoyed herself or whatnot if you feel comfortable, but otherwise, just go about as normal business with her and keep on reading her.

No games. No strategies. They're for casual sex; if you have real interest, and want a real relationship, be real.

 

Well I'm terrible with relationships but pretty good with dating..
First off it is unlikely the girl is that interested..she had a fun night with him and that was that. He obviously at the least is more into her than she is into him..
You are kidding yourself if you think strategies have nothing to do with dating and relationships. Everyone has a strategy, most don't even know what their strategy is though.
If he contacts her she is just going to become more distanced and view him as kind of pathetic for not picking up on what she is signaling.
If he doesn't contact her, if there is any interest at all on her part, curiosity will kill the cat as she starts to think maybe she made a mistake and she has something else going on.

 

Thanks for the responses, guys.

To be honest I might call it quits on this girl before I become too emotionally invested. She's just too confusing.

I saw her today because I conveniently but unintentionally left some things at her place from last night, and she was still kind of flirty when I was there. We laid down together, held hands, made jokes, etc, but she still didn't seem into me. She didn't want to makeout, and only let me kiss her on the cheek when I left. I really just don't get it.

 

cough cough, didn't see this. refer to the post above...

 

I think she just probably has way more experience dating than you. Like you said she had you right over to her place to meet up? Surely, you are not the first guy to have done that.
Should have got your stuff, said you had to be someplace but you will txt her later, left ASAP and then not txt her.
Sounds stupid but that is how it goes unless you want to be the guy always losing out.

 

Things like that suck its just like why can't people just say whether or not they like one another?

 

Well, if 'be real' is a strategy, you sure know mine. I'm great with relationships, but never really dated (we went more of the courting/getting to know each other path)

See, personally, I would take such behavior as someone who isn't serious, and not worth my time.

Good for you :scholar:

 

well, I didn't contact her at all after seeing her today, but she contacted me--started a conversation online. I just cut the bullshit and said I was confused and she told me she's definitely interested and just takes a while to get comfortable with people.

/gofigure

 

well yeah, most women hate guys who are interested in them.

 

That's what I would do.

I don't let anyone put their leg on mine willy-nilly, unless it's a joke among friends. If I wanted to have sex with her, I would have initiated sex that moment. If I didn't, I would ask her to quit it already.

I don't make a good teddy bear.

 

I would do this.

Not as a strategy or game to win me the girl...but to keep my attitude and integrity intact: If you want to be with me, you've got to be consistent and put in your 50 cents.

I've taken a step toward you, you pussyfooted. Now it's your turn to take a clear step toward me. Until then, I'm living my life as before.

 

^^^ Yes.