how did you really feel when you found it?

i have always wanted children and have had baby fever since i was 20 however when ever i have one of those baby scares i really do get scared i wonder how everyelse will react if i am really ready for my life to change like and if i could really do it. i don't have any money i have specific ways that i would like for my children to be raised and i don't know if i will ever be in a position where i could provide for them like that. i'm sure that once it happens i will be fine but i do not want to be stressed throughout my pregnancy i want to really enjoy it and remember everything not work constantly to afford it. i already have high anxiety and do not react well to birth control gosh i really just rambled so sorry i guess i just wanted to know how you all felt really when you found out you were pregnant and how you did it (afforded it) thanks y'all

 

I think that no matter how ready you are there is always a "fear" aspect to pregnancy. "Will the baby be healthy, will I be a good mom, will he be a good dad, will there be enough money, etc..." The fears are different for everyone, but I think everyone feels them in some fashion or another...

When I got pregnant the first time I was 21. I had known my boyfriend (now my husband of 6.5 years) for 5 months. I had recently moved from Chicago to VA and was staying with my parents. Needless to say, my situation was less than ideal for getting pregnant. But none the less, there I was, pregnant. It was both scary and thrilling at the same time. I knew then that my days of taking care of only myself were over and that is always a big step.

I believe that we are never dealt more cards than we can play with in life though, and everything happens for a reason. My daughter brought meaning and stability to my life, something I was desperately in need of. We knew from the start that we were keeping the baby and the rest was all about logistics, we knew the love was there and the family was established upon her creation. My husband graduated college that same year, I quit my teaching job to be a stay at home mom, and we live very comfortably now (Yes, I realize how incredibly fortunate I am for this). We just made it work because there was no other option. I look back on those early days and am amazed at how much we made the little money we had stretch to cover all the expenses (and kids ARE expensive)..

Now, I'm not advocating getting pregnant under the conditions I did, don't get me wrong. I guess I am just saying that if you do find yourself in that situation, have faith. We are not given more than we can handle, even if at the time it feels like we are, and things have a way of working out.

Goodluck,
~SunshineDaydream

 

We were in high school when we had Ryvre. It was both easier, and harder, than you would think. The timing was actually alot better than it could have been; he was born at the beginning of our senior year, so we were able to get the school board to let us graduate a semester early (we had enough credits), so i could stay home with the baby, and he could work full-time. Otherwise, I'm sure we'd have been a couple more drop-outs to add to the list, because it was far too important for us that i stay home full-time.

The hardest thing was telling my parents. I would have been happy if i could just skip that part lol, but it was actually worse telling them that i was expecting baby #2 the next year, lol, because they laughed at me.

The lack of money, surprisingly, is the easiest thing to overcome. You can make monthly payments on bills, and with some creativity, the more mundane things like food and clothing aren't impossible to come by either. Sure, there are sacrifices, but i don't think raising children comes any easier with age! Not that a little planning can't help, but i wouldn't consider it absolutely necessary either--we did it!

 

ok thanks for all the wonderful responses however michael i think that you have me all wrong i worry about now being able to provide for my children meaning that my "plan" would be to stay at home preferable homeschool and i worry that that is unfair to bf makes it harder to stay living near our families which like you said would make it easier and better for a child to be near their extended family i still have grandparents and would not want to leave them i'll admit i was a little offended with your statement a true hippy doesn't need money we are in the process of saving for land in this area so we can farm,(vegans) and have a shop to make furniture and things like that the place i dream of raising my children i can do anything especially without money i have a lot of practice with that please do not think that i require a lot of money i do however do not want to be in debt i can't even stand owing my friends $5.00 for that last beer i couldn't afford at a show. i understand what you are saying again please don't think money is my main concern i am sorry if it came off that way. also i really do appreciate the stories and i'm glad to know that me high level of fear right now is normal. kisses....

 

AFFORD:

1. To have the financial means for; bear the cost of: not able to afford a new car.
2. To manage to spare or give up: can't afford an hour for lunch.
3. To manage or bear without disadvantage or risk to oneself: can afford to be tolerant.
4. To make available; provide: a sport affording good exercise; a tree that affords ample shade.

 

I wouldn't assume this. Absolute poverty is never "fine." Being a little tight in the finances is, but not totally broke.

My dh and I are, I guess "absolute hippies" but we realized that in an imperfect world, you need to be able to be able to provide for your kids. A decent place to live, good nutrition, a pad in case of emergency, and emotional and logical preparation for children is a neccesity. You don't need to be rich, but living in a shelter and taking handouts is really no good for a growing child.

You don't need a ton of money, but you do need to provide. And to be prepared and educated on parenting. I work with parents all the time, and regardless of imcome, the WORST are those who simply weren't prepared for the intense needs of a little baby. Learning about mothering takes NO money. You need to give yourself a good base, and then most of the rest is listening to your baby and "on the job" traning. You can do it for little, but not for nothing.

 

What is more important is what is "fair" or needed by the baby. A good man provides, while his womyn is giving the baby what he NEEDS, if he feels this is somehow "unfair" he needs to grow up quite a bit.

Once the kids come, if ceases to be about the adults anymore.

 

Theres no real way to prepair for a child. Weather you have money or not you cant predict the outcome of ech day as a new parent. You have never been there. It's really brand new. You can learn as much as you can about kids, and how they develop etc. You look at your own life and the people in it and you get to pick yourself apart on how you were raised and how your parents were raised and what they did with you and what you want to take from that into your parenting and everyone you know you do the same things with...think about everything you want to take to yoru own parenting...and then your a parent and you get tons of advice from people you just dont care for because your instincs are the best thing you can have as a mother. Basic things you need for your child...a shelter, stable environment, love, compassion, understanding, fun, food, clothing, and to be a rolemodel. Money is secondary but if you have it thats a total plus. It really makes things easier if you have some saved for birth if you have heathcare for your baby/ yourself...etc. Everyone is scared when they find out..youe entire being is changed in that second. You are nolonger just you andymore...you have offspring its very weird. Your entire outlook on life is different when you have another human coming out of yoru body and you have to care for it and be its foundation. You really find out what its like to use those woman parts you were made with..lol.I have said it so many time that life does not end with children it begins with them and stand by that. You also really find out who your friends are when you get pregnant and none of your friends have kids. You find things out about people you never knew and about yourself. The best thing you can do is cherish it if you get pregnant because its a really beautiful gift that you get so little of in life. You grow up and life gose on.

 

you mean AND your paycheck

 

i was excited. we'd been trying for a while.
naturally finances are a concern, but my husband has a good job with good benefits, and i'm sure we'll make it. for us it isn't going to be about whether we can pay the rent, but rather cutting out some of the silly spending we do now. an adjustment definately, but one we are prepared to make.
i think that we are as prepared as you can be for having a child. for me that means that we have a good relationship, a stable lifestyle, a true desire to have children, a livable income, etc. you can't totally prepare for anything in life, in my experience. i worry some about not having all the answers, but as maggie said, parenthood is definately a job that offers on the job training.

 

So, you never ever ever spend any money on anything? You live on a farm, grow all your own food raise sheep, sheer them and make your own clothes and you're not dependent on one single red cent for ANYTHING? Really?