How open are you? Were you always like this? What changed you?

Ok guys and girls...

I am a female, and I am in the sex industry (not porn). Now you would think this would make me an open person? But no. I am actually a jealous person in relationships, and want my partner to have only me. I can be as wild and freaky as they want me to be, but if it includes another person; Im out 100%. I dont think Ill ever change my mind about it, since im pretty old fashioned. I did want to consider to have a 3some with my ex/bf and a random girl I saw at a club but it was all for his reactions to see how far he would go. I never spoke to this lady.. thats how far we got ahah. I do get *jealous* of those open relationships and open-minded people sometimes.. they're so good with jealously and I am not. I wish I could handle it like they did sometimes.

So now.. I want to know about you....
Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person or not? Why or why not?

Do you prefer your relationships/ partners to be in an mono or poly relationship?

What is considered cheating to you? (explain whether in mono or poly)

For the poly people.. what made you become poly.. always like this, did an exp make you like this, what?


Thanks all... I just want a few more opions/comments on how poly works for them and why they decided to do it. I never could.. or even try.. so Im just curious. Same with the mono people... we all think differently so express.. I just want to figure out why and how it works.

 

In a relationship for 17 years, Open minded? yes... open relationship? no

Would we play with a third "together", FFM? hells yes. MMF? If that is what she wanted but I have no interest in MMF. She does have interests in FFM... So that would be easier since both of us would be into it. Would we MMFF? depends on the couple...doesn't it always?

Nothing solo with someone else. We would both want the other there... We would both have issues if the other weren't there.

Cheating is really in the eye of the cheated. Different relationships, different people, different boundaries... If you felt cheated...then I guess it's cheating... People really can't tell someone else if they are cheating or have been cheated on. It's truely up to the cheated to determine that. Depending on the boundaries set within a relationship...what may be ok for us may be cheating if it was in your relationship... but you shouldn't see it as cheating if we are ok with it.

Yourself is number 1, you need to do whatever you need to do to be happy and at peace with yourself. My views,morals,opinions etc..etc.. can't play into that...only yours can.

 

^ Why are FFM over MMF... I would def go for a MMF over FFM. I just see one pussy to be plently. Guys always prefer the FFM, I guess its ruled in their sex just like with the female.

 

mmf just makes more sense imo.
but then again im a gay guy..

im open-minded i'd say. i don't like entering into formal "relationships", i just prefer what people would call "friends with benefits". i dont put labels on thoughts and make coagulations based on them. the difference between a friend and a lover is definitely not black and white. the concept of love is over-hyped and too romanticized. "cheating" is a funny word cuz it makes it sound like we're all playing a game, and many people do play it like a game, but i don't. cheating for me would be if i put a huge amounts of effort into making it work and he leads me to believe that we want to be exclusive. i find that that problem is because of that exclusivity in the first place that pressures people to lie when they get with another person. im just not the jealous type i guess.

 

I'm not completely sure how to answer your open minded question. I have strong morals but I do consider myself to be open minded. I'm not uptight about any type of relationship (unless someone stands to get hurt) but I'm pretty straight-laced when it comes to myself.

No, I couldn't ever be involved in an open relationship, or a relationship that involved more than just the two of us. I have had casual sex and as long as we're both playing safe, that's fine. But whether the sex was casual or not, I wouldn't consider a threesome or group-sex, not even a little bit. It's not for me.

Cheating has to be defined by the individuals involved. It can change with the circumstances. If a boyfriend of mine so much as kissed another girl, we'd be over. If I kissed someone else, I'd feel like the cheat. I just wouldn't do it. If nothing physical had happened but emotions beyond just a crush were involved, I'd be worried. Whether or not I'd consider it cheating would depend exactly on what it was that was happening. That's just me personally. Anything that breaks a said or unsaid contract between two (or more!) people in a relationship is cheating.

I get a little jealous at times, too. You shouldn't view it as such a problem. My (ex) boyfriend found it endearing and pretty sweet. Providing your jealousy isn't causing real problems, it's perfectly natural. I don't wish I was more open to having group-sex or an open relationship. I like things to be between two people. If you know what you like and what makes you comfortable then that's great. You don't have to be experimental to things that don't sound appealing.

 

Not always. I'm a totally straight guy who has participated in both types of threesomes, and the MMF were the most fun and enjoyable.

The MMF, assuming the guys aren't bisexual, are focused on rocking the girls world, period. And I loved being a part of that. It was different, exciting, comical at times, but most of all, HOT! I had a great time, and I was honored to play a part in doing things to her and taking her to places she had never been before.

The MFF is ALOT of work for the guy if you want to do it right. Sure, it's nice to watch the girls go at it, but they are both expecting you to satisfy them as well, so the guy better be bringing his A game to the party. I also found that the MMF was way less awkward then I thought it would be, and the MFF more awkward at times then I thought it would be.

As far as the whole issue of open relationships, I am not against it, but I will respect her wishes. What I mean is that I won't force her to try it if she's uncomfortable with it, and I won't go out and do it behind her back if she says not interested. It has to be both people being completely comfortable and having total trust in each other for it to work. A jealous or insecure person, and it will only cause deep issues to develop, and big problems will soon follow.

 

I expect my wife to be sexually available to me only. No others.

Other marriages can do as they please.

Cheating is breaking the sexual fidelity promise. Marriages that don't value that promise would be free from it, but that isn't the marriage I'd be in.

 

Thanks everyone who posted! I enjoy reading your views on the topic posted! And details on cheating - I understand it depends on two people. But what is YOUR layout before entering a relationship?

 

I'm a very happily married woman who is in a relationship with another man. No one is more surprised at this than me.

Just a few short months ago I was the typically conservative, southern-bred wife deeply in love with her husband of 6 years. He was my first and only lover, the only guy I had ever kissed actually. Sex with my husband was (and is) brilliant, and all other aspects of our marriage are solid. I don't see how I could love him more. I've been in love with him since I was 14 and I can truthfully say I never gave any man even a second glance.

That was before the other man came into my life. A native born Ghanaian, he had been a professional soccer player a short while before an injury ended it, and then he had a career as a male model; the body of an athlete and good looks to go with it. My husband said the attraction between me and the other man was obvious from the very first time he introduced us – it was like electricity crackling back and forth, he joked. I was just glad that my tongue wasn’t hanging out.

The initial attraction may have been physical but over the next several weeks I began to like this gorgeous black man an awful lot – a lot more than a typically conservative, southern-bred, happily married white woman should for sure. If we had met under different circumstances (i.e. being single) I could have let myself fall for him in a big way.

One night in our marriage bed, my husband was in an adventurous mood and began to pretend to be this other man, Ghanaian accent and all. I don’t know what kind of mood I started out in, but my husband was convincing and it was easy to slip into the role of the cheating wife. The role playing turned serious in a hurry, resulting in some really intense sex. Afterwards my husband made a comment like, if it was so good just pretending to be with this other man, imagine how good real sex with him could be.

Well that kind of started it. After several weeks of some serious husband/wife discussions about parameters and expectations and life’s limited opportunities and all that stuff, and only after I was totally convinced my husband’s love for me wouldn’t be diminished, I surrendered my marital virginity to the other man. Now, I see him every 3 – 5 weeks. Our dates are fun and the sex incredible.

So, yes, I guess I have become a very open-minded person - if it could happen to me it could happen to anyone. I suppose poly is right for me, but a poster in another thread suggested that I am having an affair, not an open relationship. I would agree with him except my husband encourages and supports my indulgence. There are parameters, of course, and so long as I remain within them I don’t consider myself cheating at all

 

C'mon, Kista! Methinks thou dost protest too much. Whether or not you admit it, I think the idea of poly appeals to your inner self. You may not want it for your partner but you'd like to have it for yourself.

Fess up, girl - we're all friends here.

 

I am open minded.

I want a devoted, pretty much emotionally monogamous relationship with my girlfriend; but I am open to the idea of opening it up in a sexual way.

Cheating to me, is anything my girlfriend does with another that she has reason to believe I would not approve of (or not reason to believe I would approve of). Sorry to give such a legal definition, but over time, specific actions I would consider cheating have changed, and I assume it will further.
If there's not a component of dishonesty or hiding the act: cheating may be quite excusable under certain circumstances.

 

So now.. I want to know about you....
Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person or not? Why or why not?

I'm incredibly open-minded and seem to become moreso each year, so thankfully I'm going in the right direction. I give consdieration to everyone's viewpoint, and I don't care what anyone does with their lives so long as they do no harm. I actively seek knowledge and new ideas and love learning new things. I love exploring my sexuality fully and having fun with it, including lots of experimentation.

Do you prefer your relationships/ partners to be in an mono or poly relationship?

Monogamous, always.

What is considered cheating to you? (explain whether in mono or poly)

"Cheating" makes me think of a game. Relationships, for me, are far more serious. Having sexual contact with another person behind my back would be pure betrayal.

 

^I may be.. but I was single at that time and I was testing my ex how far he would go, since he is bed shy... I never even spoken to a women, nor made out haha.

You;re story is catching! I also say.. its not cheating unless your hubby knows and approves then its just open! Did you guys evern consider to include your hubby in or such?

 

Has never been talked about, really, but only because we each know the other. My husband is not gay or bi, so I don't think it would appeal to him at all. He did say he could never stand to watch me with the other man so that leaves out passive participation.

As for me, I like to give my all, 100%, to the other man when I am with him. This includes very intense love-making, whispered endearments, etc. I would feel very intimidated by my husband's presence, shortchanging the other man and myself as well, even if I could perform at all. Besides I like curling up in the other man's arms for many long minutes afterwards, my body all aglow, exchanging sweet kisses and generally delighting in the extramarital intimacy we just shared.

 

amoxyl its great that this works for you, i was wondering how your husband reacts after he knows that you have had a sex-session with this guy ?
is he quiet with you ? does he ask about things ?
or does he find it a turn on ?

 

My "sex sessions" have really been overnight dates and, a couple of times, weekend dates. When the other man returns me home, my husband and I kiss in greeting just like any couple who have been apart. If the other man stays a while, like today for instance to watch the end of the Titans/Broncos football game with my husband, we might all have a couple of beers or whatever. Then when the other man is ready to go, the two guys shake hands and my husband will leave the room to give him and me a few moments to have our goodbyes privately.

The first couple of dates (there have been five) my husband did want to know a lot about the sexual details. Now he is just as likely to ask as much about the date, per se, as the sex. Regarding the sex, he always wants to know if it was good for me, if I came and if the other man came, and how many times, and stuff like that. He does get aroused while I relate those things and other details to him. After that is taken care of, he will always kiss me and tell me how proud he is of me, etc. His libido is definely lifted a notch or two for the first few days afterward but then returns to normal.

 

its awesome there is no jealousy or anything and by sharing the details he gets something out of it too, and as my wife enjoys hearing details of my previous encounters i can understand that its a turn on for him. maybe as his libido comes back down you could ask him what he would like you to do with the guy or if he has any ideas... either way your a lucky lady

 

Actually I'm not into the recreational thing, Trib. I do calisthenics at the gym. When I'm with my husband or the other man its as much for the emotional aspect of sex as it is the physical.

The other man and I live in different towns (not all that far apart) and we have our "dates" in major cities nearby - just so that we are less likely to meet our hometown neighbors or relatives. My husband has suggested venues and interesting things to do and see while we are there. One of the more interesting places was a weekend date in New Orleans (not all that nearby). Just this past Saturday we went to the Alabama/Florida football game in Tuscaloosa. Roll Tide

 

1) I don't consider myself poly. What I am is just a single guy who occasionally has casual sex. But, I do prefer being friends with everyone I have sex with. I have also turned down many opportunities for monogamous relationships and a few marriages;

2) I have no a priori preference for mono or poly. It all depends on the relationship;

3) I consider cheating anything that violates the agreed upon boundaries of each relationship;

4) At 19 I was a gung-ho monogamist, very judgmental, and troubled by promiscuity. I was engaged to someone. After that fell through, and also owing to my college experience, I became more open-minded.

Edit: In certain situations I'm liable to feel jealous. But if my partner is sensitive to it, I do not feel the need to control her life.

 

Amyoxl, I read this thread and your other thread on your situation with you and your husband, and the other guy. I can't really pinpoint it but there is something about your situation that just seems wrong to me. I can't really pinpoint what it is, what the unforeseen problem is, but my instincts tell me there is somethign wrong there.

I can understand open relationships, but yours is something different than most. I don't meant to be a bad omen but if I am like 95% sure if your situation continues on like it is right now it will cause your marriage strife.

I guess I just don't believe that people work that way. The things you say you share with this other guy - I just don't believe that a human being exists that is capable of doing all those things and still maintaining a mental separation. Maybe you aren't replacing your husband but he's losing something, that much I'm sure of.

Seems like someone is acting and as soon as that acting stops it's going to be curtains time.