If only the wife participates, can an open marriage succeed long term?

I sure hope there is naked time with the hubby in those weekend plans that you excluded from sharing.

I also wanted to commend you on your character in this thread, you hung it out there so to speak and at times got clobbered. But you took it in stride and found the positive in it even thanking those for the responses. Appears your hubby is as lucky as you.. enjoy the weekend and keep us updated from time to time.

 

Perhaps your husband suggested it because he felt his options were to either consent to this, have you do it behind his back, or leave him altogether. We want to give those we love what we can, we want them to have what they want, and we want them to be happy. How could your husband deny something you wanted badly enough to break your wedding vows (though he consented). Maybe he felt pressured. I doubt he randomly out of the blue brought it up, did you bring it up or persuade him?

 

Thanks, Lorz. Much appreciated.

 

Actually, I was the one that was persuaded. My husband knew I liked this other man and that the attraction was mutual, but he also knew I would never have cheated and I certainly never would have left him. I love him way too much - he was and is my hero.

I don't want to bore you with a lot of detail but this kind of started one night after we had all been together socially. After we got home, my hubby started teasing me good naturedly about liking him so much and the teasing turned into role play as we got into bed for the night. The other man has a Ghanaian accent and my husband is good at accents so he played the role very convincingly. It was kind of fun so it was easy to slip into the role of the cheating wife and things got kind of believable, quickly. At least my body reacted that way. It was really good sex - the best for both of us in a long time. Afterwards my husband was like, if it was so good just pretending, think how good it would be for real.

So that's how it started. Over the next several weeks we had some serious talks about maybes and what ifs, and relationships, the strength of our love and marriage, boundaries and expectations, and all those things you would expect to be discussed when a husband is essentially giving his assent for his wife to explore her feelings for another man. Before you jump to conclusions, there was no pressure put on me by my husband. It was a gesture of love, he said in so many words, that I could accept or not - his love for me would not change either way. I had to be convinced of the latter point because, as much as I liked this other guy and as much as I wanted to be with him that way, no amount of pleasure was worth risking my husband's love or my marriage.

This was way too long, but I hope it helps. By the way, my marriage vows were to love, honor and cherish. To some people I may be straining the second of those. When my husband tells me he is proud of me and is happy for me, though, its hard to feel that what I have done is dishonorable. Obviously I am having a few doubts whether things should continue this way, --- thus this discussion.

 

Yeah ... but it came up after he saw you with him... so in my opinion you were the one who initiated it by how you acted around the other guy.

Your husband was watching and noticed the signs. Cheating isn't just fucking someone else or etc... it's the interest, the thought... allowing infatuation with another person to develop.

It sounds to me like you were already exploring those feelings with the other man before your husband ever brought it up.

 

I think this could be a legitimate point.

But I don't think there is such a thing as mind cheating.

 

1st,i think your beautiful, and im all for the sharing of bodies in whatever way makes you happy.i went through somewhat similair thing.its all about honesty. will he object to your "falling in love" with another man? probably not,when a womans gonna,, shes gonna.but will he feel supplanted?total honesty is every step of the way,from both sides.
i wish you well

 

Well, sure! The attraction came first! My husband said he could tell the other man and I were attracted to each other from the very first moment he introduced us. Before him I never had eyes for any man but my husband so i wouldn't have known how to hide it even if I were so inclined.

Maybe a little flirtation but nothing near what could be called outrageous or even inappropriate. If every married person that ever engaged ina little innocent flirtation can be called a cheat, then I plead guilty.

 

Thanks, deded. My husband knows he will not be supplanted. He is embedded much too deeply. Thedope said earlier in this thread, "And loving one is not to love another less."

 

and shared love is loved multiplied.its the secrets that hurt.

did we cover if you had both in bed at same time?,lol,, i didnt wade thru all the pages.

 

Actually that was kind of covered when I wrote earlier that I am not into recreational sex and all of it's gymnastics and calisthenics. But I don't see the relavence of that to this thread, other than prurient interest.

 

guilty,, hehe

but also, 2 men sharing a women they both love can be wonderful thing.
sorry to swerve off your topic
peace

 

then why did you?

 

because forum etiquette has never been my cup of tea.
21 yrs old and 16000 posts??,, good gawd

we now return you to your thread

 

What would happen to this dynamic if your hubby wanted to sleep with another woman? Would you feel the same way as he, or would you say no?

 

I guess this thread is getting too long to expect people to read all the earlier posts. I draw your attention to the following:

 

Duly noted

 

Oh sorry, I missed that bit there.

 

If evey thing is up front and agreed by both it is very possible to still have a loving relationship not everyone is into this it is two people finding each other that are into the same thing that makes it work along with trust respect etc.

 

when i was younger i dated a bi female and she was suprised that i did not have any issues with her having a GF and even more so that i did not go cool 3 way her GF was gay you know man hater.