A word of advice

dont stick your penis in soft.. may not come out when it gets hard

 

Don't make 'shroom tea over a campfire. uke

 

don't post pics of yourself online, anywhere.

 

don't stay up all night when you have to be at classes and play rehearsal and essays due just cause you "didn't feel tired"....

 

don't steal from anyone anytime

fucking bastards

 

If you have to do something right behind a closed door in a high traffic area place your foot in front of it and put all body parts (face, shoulders, ect.)behind the farthest swing radius. Just in case.

 

police are not your friend after age 13

 

Not all homeless are drug addicts.

 

when a woodpecker starts pecking at your house...it may be time for doing some maintenance

 

Don't buy an expensive HDMI cable, buy a cheaper version...it will work just fine.
Yeah, gold plated looks nice, but seriously...go for the cheaper option.

 

Don't bang your head against the wall, just bang your head

 

Dig the well before you are thirsty....;-)

 

do not drink water near beaver ponds

 

when summoning a demon you sacrifice the goat and deflower the virgin.... never the other way around

 

for all you people who would die for religion.... there are NO virgins in heaven...

 

fall and trip, dont trip and fall

 

Please remove foot from mouth prior to speaking....;-)

 

when taking a piss behind a truck door on the side of the highway...pay attention to how high the door is

 

dont pick fights with old people...some of them are too old to fight and its easier for them to just shoot you

 

when cutting lumber to length its better to measure each piece separately

the damn lumber mills arent very accurate so if think all of the 12 footers are 12" and one half inch long youre wrong..some are 12 and 1/4 inch

so if you were just measuring the 3.5" you needed to cut you'd be screwed