Wanting a Baby

What would you do if your significant other does not want to have kids, but you do? I love my boyfriend dearly. I want a baby. I'm well off. I have a degree and a professional job. I'm 24 and he is 30. We have been together for over 2 years. I know he loves me and is thinking about asking me to marry him. I know he is getting older in terms of reproduction and fear that there may be abnormalities if we wait. Thanks!

 

I would find someone who wants kids instead of pulling a bait and switch on your could be fiance. My brother just came out of your exact situation. Scathed, and with a baby who now spends his time between two homes and daycare.

 

As hard as this is going to be, you'll have to decide what is more important to you: your boyfriend or having children. Don't try to talk him into it if he's really not interested.

 

Yes, i would have to agree. I think it's a large part of your life you are talking about. If it was me, well i wouldn't be able to give that up and would end up resenting him. I would make sure he was firm in his decision before leaving.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gLlBv_SrZw"]YouTube- French condom commercial: Kids are a pain

Heh

But yeah, seriously, everyone else is right. If he don't want kids then maybe consider whether or not he means more to you than a baby would. But as the poster above said, make sure he is firm about it first, he may need some time.

I mean, living in the UK, 2 years is not really very long in terms relationships and talking about marriage, and babies. I would freak out a bit too, but if he loves you he will come around.

 

"... but if he loves you he will come around."

No he won't. Whether he wants to be a father has nothing to do with what he feels about Bumble.

Bumble, let me re-phrase what others have asked. "Do you want to be with the father of your children or do you want to be with your current beau?"

If the two aren't the same person, I'd say that 2 years is a good time to make a hard decision.

 

It is time really look at the relationship. Think about seeking some counseling to get a professional opinion. Humans follow predictable patterns and the pro will know. Although there will be some will tell they are so unique in their behavior. Nope.

 

You are being as subjective as I am He may well do!

 

I have a friend in this exact position. He's 29, she's 26. He's been with his girlfriend for over 2 years. She wants children, he definitely does not. He loves her, but cannot see himself being with someone who has such different values than he does. Although it's hard for him to do so, he knows the only right thing to do is to end his relationship because staying together would be unfair for both parties. If they stayed together and had a baby, he would be resentful (he has a very adventurous life and children would put the kabash on that). If they stayed together and DIDN'T have a baby, SHE would be resentful. She gave him the ultimatum: "If I don't have children, then you and I better have a PERFECT life together." That's just too much to demand of someone.

So basically, I believe that life values should be the main focus of a relationship, especially one which may lead to marriage. If you can sit down and list 3 of your life values and one of those doesn't match up, I think there's a problem. The want to procreate is definitely a life value. If he doesn't have that, then you are walking on shakey terrain and need to reassess what is important to you and your future.

 

Well Ill tell ya a true story, I got married at 21, he told me he wanted kids, and after having our daughter he left me with nothing, wouldnt take care of her. and now many years later, I am an single mom. If I had known he didnt really want kids, we wouldnt havd tried, but he lied, probably bc I wanted them or bc he was just a jerk I dontknow. But please get with someone that wants the same thing, or you could end up an single mom, and taking care of that kid alone. And trust me it isnt an walk in the park. As I am sure you know. You can not make someone want kids when they dont, and if it is that important to you, you need to find someone who is on the same page as you.

 

i second the idea of counseling. get clear on what you both want and what you don't want and go from there. he may not be the right person for you, long-term. good luck eace:

 

I was in the same place, really. I was with a guy for a long-time, and suddenly he starting making noise about maybe not wanting kids, maybe not ever. Being a mother is something I have always, always wanted for myself, so I needed to make a choice. I chose my future children over the present (now ex) boyfriend. (and yes, there were a few other reasons we split too, but this was a big part of it) Now I'm with someone else and while it's too soon to tell if we'll end up together, I at least know he really, sincerely wants children. Good luck to you - it's not an easy place to be.

 

Having kids is a major, major decision both parties need to make. The problem arises when one partner wants to have them, while another doesn't.

Some people change their minds, some don't - it's that simple. However, risking anything is not smart. Having children should be one of the best experiences in life, and if you don't have a partner who shares your love for children, is a definite deal-breaker.

Although it is painful, you're better of ending the relationship. If you stay together, one of you will have to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of the other. And that's not fair.

Sorry... I wish you good luck!

 

I agree with what everyone else said, although I have another point to consider--
What if your could-be parenting styles are different?
A lot of the time people forget that their not just having a baby, they're RAISING a human being.
Just something to consider.

 

Everyone else has said the same thing I think. I just hope you know that this is something that some men say, and although some change their mind, a lot of the time if they mean it (especially at his age) they aren't going to go back on their word. Of course really working with him over it is necessary, I wouldn't give up right away. However, some women get married to someone who doesn't want kids just assuming they will change their mind..
I hope this all works out for you, I'm sure it's a hard situation to be in. I can't imagine choosing between my so and having children. ((hugs))

 

I'm also in to what many have posted and if you and your loved one would like to seek a much more professional guidance perhaps from some family advisor would be best. By the end of the day, you two are the ones who have to come up with the decisions. It would not be wise to force someone to do something against their wishes. All I can say is that I wish the best for everyone.

 

I would be the other way round. If someone I was with really wanted to have children right now and I didn't - maybe now or ever, and that person couldn't wait I would feel that I was holding them back with something they really wanted. And, if they were trying to talk me into it then I would be firm about where I stand and say so. But, I you should never say to him 'if you love me then you'll have my baby right now'.

People are all different. Find out if he does want children at some point, but if he doesn't then you need to work out what is more important to you.

 

Too many children are born unwanted to either parent dont let your children become another statistic. You are 24 years ahead of you to reproduce whats the rush slow down and enjoy life make some memories to tell your children.
Dont force someone to help you make a baby, its heartbreaking to tell a small child that his/her parent is busy having their own life instead of spending time with them.
Even perfect relationships fall apart but at least make sure your baby is wanted by both parties rather than just tricking them in the hope that they come around cos generally they wont they'll only resent you.

 

I can relate.

My husband and I have been married for two years. We've known and dated each other for a long time before marriage. We are still a young couple. My husband wants children I on the other hand, do not want children what so ever. I have never desired children. We have discussed it many times. I told him at the very least before we discuss children again under to have everything settled. There's a possibility that I will and will not change my mind about children, my husband has the same possibility. The only thing I can say as being on the side that doesn't want children is to not force the decision. Have you suggested saving his sperm? My husband wants to do that because he is in the military.

 

That would be my advise too


Some guys make better fathers than others, there are several reasons for that, but No. 1 would be that they actually wanted to be fathers in the first place



Also, if it is the case that you would pick being with a guy you werent really in love with that wanted kids over a guy that you are in love with that doesnt want kids.........Why exactly is that?